Not so fun now is it Zeke? Now the Feddies got GMs you are so FUCKED.

So I was stuck in Virginia until Saturday for another C-School in the same ratty old barracks. At least though I finally got a hold of episode 3 of IGLOO 2 after multiple tries on a slow connection. While IGLOO will never get a grade A story it still matters little as all of them are about the best damn mecha action you will ever see in 30 minutes, the stories are simple and straight forward. This time it was about another crop of lunatics that drive guntanks as part of a penal legion. This time the fucking Zekes are on the run after the humble GM along with they mighty Type 61 with ample Big Tray and air support have been kicking Zeke ass across whole continents.

Ah the RGM-79[G] Ground Type it feels like 8th MS Team again.

No longer does the Zaku hold dominance as Feddie combined arms tactics have been kicking the shit out of the one trick pony Zeke strategy of “Send Zakus There.” While it was about the RTX-440 I was giddy at how much love the GM got, even after all this time I still have a weak spot for the workhorse of the Federation. It was fucking magical to see core fighters downing Zeke transports which hopefully full of Zekes and  badly needed supplies. While Yandell maybe dead the Type 61 soldiered on and helps the new GMs reap a fearsome toll on the hated forces of the corrupt and genocidal forces of the Principality of Zeon.

I like how artillery was critical in this episode as it is about as gritty as you can get for artillery is King of the Battlefield and can knock anything dead. Things like that are all but absent in AU Gundams. That is why UC for me will remain superior to every thing AU except for G Gundam. It is rather sad to see that while Sunrise has a talented team in IGLOO, the IGLOO team along with the Pailsen Files team labor away in obscurity while Jihad-kun gets undue praise as Yandell goes unsung.

Good to see that the Type-61 is still around killing Zekes, Yandell must be happy that his old warhorse is still rolling.

So the lead this time is a technical officer (I’d just call her a warrant officer) Arleen Nazon whose beloved weapons project was scrapped after her former test pilot and lover went traitor she and her team get thrown in the brig while their funding goes away. She swears revenge and is allowed to form a penal unit to avenge her loss, it seems death likes Nazon a lot more than Yandell but it seems that Death is strong with the yuri and starts hitting on Nazon right away.

Major giggles makes a return and constantly gets shown up, at first he is derisive of the Guntank but soon he realizes the error of his ways as the RTX-440 platoon makes a dramatic breakthrough with the help of some GMs and a Big Tray strike group. No Zaku, Gouf, Dom, or any Zeke are a match for their might and they amply prove their superiority over the despicable Zekes. After taking out one Dabude Major Giggles tries to order Nazon to call off her attack but the fires of revenge were burning bright as her anguish over the untimely demise of her beloved RTX-440 program demanded satisfaction. Despite her erstwhile non-mecha lover begging for his life, Nazon loved the RTX-440 more and blew them all to hell.

Hey look no beam spam!

Death in the mean time constructed a wonderful story a out Nazon’s former non-mecha lover was actually a double agent. Certainly it seems quite possible as Major Giggles did order her to back off, but I think it was just a ploy by Death to get Nazon to give up on men so that she could have a night of her and Nazon that went on forever and ever… I have to say it worked perfectly.

Still it’s hard to put into words how awesome this episode was hopefully the screen caps will convince non- believers of how much WIN IGLOO 2 is and why UC is still better than any of that new CE crap.   I hope they will have more Feddie centric IGLOO stuff somewhere down the line, certainly other things could use the same treatment, GM, Guncannon, Magellan, Salamis, and let’s not forget the big boys, Big Tray and Heavy Fork…

In the end I am going to miss this since this is probably the last dose of Real Robot I am going to get for a while since the Gundam Franchise has largely moved away from gritty killing and burning of Zekes to beam spam. Still there is hope once Gundam Unicorn arrives but that is a bit ways off, even if UC is just a faint memory these days at least there is still a team at Sunrise slaving away while their deeds largely go unsung as IGLOO 2 did not get as much love as the accursed Jesus Yamato and Jihad-kun. I liked this episode the most since it had the most combined arms mecha action of the OVA series and it was a rare treat that I can watch ovber and over again. The roster of models taking to the fight was pretty impressive, and even if IGLOO will not be remembered for being the greatest or deepest story told I did like simply because it was about the poor Feddies who died and lived only to kill Zekes, kill Zerkes, and kill more Zekes surely they would have made Halsey proud. Certainly it does reflect the fact that a person can run largely on hatred alone without having to have a shred of sympathy for the other side. As such it avoided the “Let’s All be Friends” bullshit that is spouted out these days and spoon fed to a whole generation that cannot appreciate the whole horror or war and can only see it as a place for moralistic platitudes and soap box preaching of the obvious.

Also this is clear proof that when you have a girl as the main pilot that great things can happen. While it may not tug on heart strings nor impart the treagedy that Gundam 0080 did, at least with Nazon we got the best damn combined arms slug out knock out fight that every mecha fans dream of. My only complaint was that it was not some hours longer…

Your point defense MGs only work in a box formation…Also I hope that Gaw was full of Zeke wounded and badly needed supplies, preferably medical supplies.

Our Core Fighter proves it’s superiority once again.

Zekes have piss poor aim and can’t sight their guns for shit. and how could you miss three GMs coming at you…?

Dang where are the GM Snipers?

Dabudes have broadsides made of weaksauce.

RTX-440s are here at this OK Corral, their names are Virgil, Morgan, and Wyatt…

Tank platoons usually come in fours these days but I’ll take what I can get and I guess Nazon here counts as two…

I see Major Giggles is back…

The GM found it so funny that he had to ROFLMAO on Giggles’ ride.

FUCK YEAH Yuri in my IGLOO!

She is Chikane and you are Himeko in this rolepay…hell you already have the corresponding hair colors.

Well a moon shines because of the sun…

A Night of Nazon and Death that went on forever and ever…

Man this is a beautiful sight the only thing missing is the air support…

Land Battleship Squardron FUCK YEAH! Big Tray in the lead and two Heavy Forks bringing up the rear.

But seriously how did they miss that huge defensive ditch?

That one’s for ranging…

This one is for you…

Not that is MOBILE

RTX-440 literally blows the Zaku II away…

Hey look a Norris Packard wannabe…

Shot in the ass by a GM…

Shot in the balls by RTX-440…No Zaku amirte?

The GM is only here to help…

Fixed defenses are a monument to the stupidity of Zeon, what a Zeke can build a Feddie can blow up…

So many Type-61s…if only Yandell were still here to help.

For a moment like this… some people wait a lifetime…for a moment like this…

Because he is a Man of Destiny…and guess what he’s not in love with a Nina Purpleton…

Organic artillery support included!

Stupid Zeke MLRS would have sufficed…we Feddies call it Gird Square Removal System

Now you see them…

Now you don’t…it’s so…magical.

Magella Attack Tanks eh?

Feel the Fires of Retribution Zeke scum! These are the fires that cleanse your souls of your impudence and stupidity. ZEUS AKBAR!

I love the smell of burnt Zeke in the morning…

The Magella Attack Tank is not match for the RTX-440’s might.

Much more effective than a burning bag of dog shit…

How did you like them Valentine’s chocolate motherfucker?

Steven Hawking helped make the the RTX-440 possible, he even voiced the computer…

That is some GLOMP…

And then the Zaku I pilot shat himself…

He’s a Black one eyed Scoittish Cyclops…

Order now and you get this free Itano Circus!

Ima anata no koe ga kikoeru
“Koko ni oide” to
Samishisa ni makesouna watashi ni
Ima anata no sugata ga mieru
Aruite kuru
Me wo tojite matte iru watashi ni
Kinou made namida de kumotteta
Kokora wa ima…

Oboete imasu ka  me to me ga atta toki wo
Oboete imasu ka  te to te ga fureatta toki
Sore wa hajimete no ai no tabidachi deshita
I LOVE YOU SO

The shaft is ray sheilded so you will have to use proton torpedoes…

Nazon trust me…

Oh they brought three Magella Attack Tanks…

This one is for Yandell.

Hey it’s Robosaurus…

Best Monster Tank Rally EVAR!

No Shadow Kick!

Always two there are…

Too Fast, Too Furious, Too Weeabo…

Dom Jedi…?

More lIke Dom the Star Wars Kid…

Here have a can…

…of WHUPASS.

Damn Zekes only coming out when the RTX-440 is wrecked…

Woah there was a big RED BUTTON on this thing?

Arleen will not let him kill her softly with that song.

Zekes have trouble finding the proper words to beg for their lives…

ZEUS AKBAR!

For getting her beloved Nazon to leave her mortal coil I guess that makes Death the Winner of IGLOO 2.

The best thing about episode was the SCALE.

While there are many damsels in distress there are few damsels like Alphard. However any lass can become an ojou-sama from a distinguished family that has been continued for a thousand years, skilled in both literary and military arts,  with wit and beauty, the intensity of summer, the grace of autumn, the pride of winter, and the gentleness of spring…all it takes is effort. (Thanks to Kabitzin for letting me use his photoshops)

So since Hinano raged once again about lasses who could not save themselves I thought it was time to write the manual to help young otome everywhere learn how to look out for themselves. Certainly these days males have increasingly taken the hippie path and cower in fear at the mere thought of being drafted, some go as far as draft dodging before a draft begins, so as the not all males are men, as men do no cower and have a sense of duty to some one or something other than their own personal safety. I suppose with this hippie path that male pissants increasingly take, that it is time to make up for the shortfall and make comrades out of those women who have no desire to be coddled or held back by male puss cakes. While there is much talk of love being the highest relationship between human beings nothing could be further from the truth as comrades are in every way superior to boyfriends or girlfriends (who are by all accounts prone to treachery). The bond between two comrades can only be forged in the fires of battle, sealed through mutual bloodshed, and is guarded by the souls of the dead. Perish the fool who would dare betray such a bond!

The first thing that every lass who wants to be bad ass needs to do is take a bit of advice from the Jackal who once stated that, “You can’t break a man the way you break a dog or a horse. The harder you beat a man the taller he stands. To break a man’s will, to break his spirit, you have to break his mind. You see boys have this idea that we can fight with dignity. That there is a proper way to kill someone, it’s absurd it’s an aesthetic. We need to endure the bloody horror of murder? You must destroy this idea, show them what messy terrible thing it is to kill a man, and show them that you relish in it. Shoot to wound and then execute the wounded, burn them. Take them in close combat, destroy their preconceptions of what a man is and you become their personal monster. When they fear you, you become stronger, you become better, but let’s never forget that it’s just a display, a posture like a lion’s roar or a gorilla thumping at it’s chest. If you lose yourself in the display, if you succumb to the horror you become the monster. You become reduced not more than a man but less and it can be fatal.” If you can accept this much then it is well worth taking notes from the Great Prince Alphard who is pretty much the Queen of Summer as she has no equal. Unlike Hinano I do not discriminate and welcome any lass that is strong with the yuri to become bad ass and beautiful at the same time, only such people can be esteemed comrades.

You don’t have to be a damsel in distress to get BEST END, it’s less about finding some poncy prince than demonstrating your superiority long enough for other people to realize how great you are.

It is indeed a sad state of affairs that the damsel in distress has become so annoyingly common, but until Japanese women decide that enough is enough and they ditch their inferior men it seems that they will continue to fantasize about getting rescued. In truth such people will wait in vain and never know of the proper way of getting a partner. The problem is not only damsels in distress but also the low quality of boys that pass themselves off as men. It is sad that there are so many jack asses in anime and only a few like Patrick. While poor Patrick isn’t the smartest guy out there, only the AEU no Ace happened upon true love. His contemporaries however were very much a Japanese sort in that in order to remain manly they opted to make their women more oppressed to make up for their sissy girly man ways:  Saji downgraded Louise, Anew chose death rather than be with Lyle, and Haptism banished Soma to get his little play thing. If only more guys were like Patrick, who could respect the fact that marrying above them was a good thing, and admit that because they aren’t good at everything they need to find a woman who will make up for their short comings. At least God made it clear that Patrick got it right when poor Patrick got the BEST END and married the only woman of quality left in the series. Not that Kati got the short end of the deal either as she was in the enviable position of having a brave, if a bit dumb, man for a husband, whose loyalty is absolute and has no problem deferring to her judgment. Patrick also treats her like a queen and no matter what she did to him he always loves her and forgives just about everything. So in a sense after having spent most of her time on her illustrious career (Making Brigadier General is no small feat) she got BEST END too as her rival Sumeragi wasted her time chasing boys and got strapped with he stalker Billy. So at least there are instances of women finding guys without having to call out for rescue every five minutes, strangely though it happened in Gundam of all places instead of shoujo.

Never get caught in an alley without a pistol.

To be sure girls needing rescue is a persistent problem, in reality and in fiction, and the same solution comes up every time…weaponry. First thing every lass needs is a pistol, it’s the great equalizer and with proper training and enough range time, accuracy can make up for the small size of the round. Even a big man can be felled with a single accurate shot. However, I advise against simply settling for head shot (because that is just showing off), no instead use the three round rule, one in the head, and two in the heart. It is highly advisable that any aspiring bad ass lass should take a page from the reigning Queen of the Summer Season, Alphard onee-sama. Alphard has excellent choice in weaponry as she started out with the FN P-90 and eventually settled on the FN Five-Seven, every girl who wants to kick ass and take names should take note. Not only did Alphard go with a good reputable manufacturer but in choosing the 5.7×28mm rounds she selected a round with high muzzle velocity and low recoil, which is perfect for her desire to kill her target and have bad ass aim at the same time. The 5.7×28mm was also designed to punch through body armor so if Alphard ever has to fight an armored target at least she has a better chance than if she simply chose a 9mm. Given that the average girl who wants to be bad ass but not be built like a house, a .45 might give a bit too much recoil and Desert Eagle, while great for intimidation, is simply over kill and will probably destroy your accuracy if your intention is to get off as many rounds in the shortest span of time. Those who would do a woman harm often underestimate their targets if you have chosen your weapon well and have diligently gone to the tactical range as often as possible, you can make this their first and last mistake…

While understandably not all women who wish to be bad ass have access to legal weapons, but that is all the more reason to support one’s rights to bear arms. Even if an assailant were to have a weapon of his own so long as you have superior training and more lethal aim and killer intent you will be victorious as little boys often forget to take care of their weapons and usually have shit taste in guns. In any case lack of fire arms is no excuse for defeat, as tazers, pepper spray, Gerber knives, and your fists are usually legal unless your country just flat out sucks that much, in which case you ought to consider moving to a place where you can have an arsenal that can put the fear in any would be attacker.

While the FN Five-Seven is Alphard’s weapon of choice all those 5.7×28mm rounds she has work perfectly well with her FN P-90 when she needs to kill lots of poncy princes on horses.

I’ll be honest women have it hard, if you want to have that nice figure you are going to have to work your ass off in aerobics class. However looking gorgeous, delicious, and deculture, while being able to kick ass are not inherently incompatible. If you are of the opinion that you cannot look good and kick ass at the same time, you have self esteem issues and are fucking lazy and worthless to me and everyone else. In short such people are unwilling to be any comrade of mine and as a result will be dragged off to some loser’s bed in the event of war. No you can look good and kick losers into traffic by simply adding a few things to your daily workout. More likely than not you weren’t born pretty, you had to work for your waist line and as such you are probably more fit than most boys your age, in fact if you are a dancer you are by default more athletic than most people, only American Football players come anywhere near close in overall fitness. In line with this Alphard does have her own womanly charm, but despite her seemingly light build she has a lot of muscle mass behind it. Just like Bruce Lee it is not about how much brute force you can put out, but how good you are at economy of force. Like Alphard Bruce Lee was not built like a house, but he used his knowledge of human physiology to get the most out of every physical action. To be sure if you are capable of two finger push ups and the dreaded one inch punch you are a force to reckoned with, but more than likely you have yet to have such lethal skills, but nevertheless economy of force is important as one smart blow to the right weak point can have catastrophic effects on an opponent. Even in cases of disparity in strength redirection techniques like the ones you see in Aikido should suitably frustrate a single attacker until you can land the final blow. Always remember that Muhammad Ali did not simply say fly like a butterfly and sting like a bee for shits and giggles, even in boxing it’s about economy of force and not wasting your power attacks fruitlessly.

Just because Alphard was ambushed while wearing a dress didn’t mean that she was going to surrender meekly, that is why she is Damsel Dealing Death and not a Damsel in Distress.

Lastly there is the issue of what noble steed you should have. Certainly it seems that losers on horses are a dime a dozen, but fundamentally a horse is just as logistically troublesome as a tank. So instead of having a horse that is to be frank very fragile, it is far better to go with a tank or if technology allows mecha. At no point in time did a horse ever trump a big bad mecha, only in the case of Fuunsaiki, though admittedly the lose of being a horse was negated by being a horse that piloted a horse mecha. Nevertheless a guy on a horse with a lance is not going to do much against anything save for ill-disciplined infantry or unarmed people. Thus one should take up archery not only to look more like a lady, but to also be able to shoot out the horse from under the douche bag that calls himself a prince, that way you can possibly hear the clean snap of his neck as he tumbles to his doom While aesthetically archery seems much more refined and cultured do no skimp on sniper skills either as even a Barrett M82 is only deadly when it actually hits a target and no living animal on land can survive a direct hit with a .50 calibre round for very long. Even if death is not instantaneous you can enjoy watching the would be prince bleed out slowly as he calls for his mommy.

While Alphard has a petite build she has very little body fat and can thus deliver blows with more force than her small frame would suggest as one can see from the state of Canaan’s face.

While your martial prowess can far exceed that of any would be assailant never forget that such people will resort to dirty tricks to incapacitate you, so always have a battle buddy that you can count on when going out, keep positive control of your drink, and if that annoying guy asks one too many times break a few of his fingers as a warning. Remember you are the first line of defense in rescuing yourself, and to be sure if you will not do all you can to save yourself you probably aren’t worth saving and deserve to be a slave to some poncy prince. Never forget that a damsel in distress is probably a damsel deserving of death.

I see shit sucked so hard Steve Jobs wouldn’t let lolikit use the iPhone even if lolikit paid him. Too bad because I think there was an app to fix the fail.

Being bored as all hell I decided to play this lolikit fellow’s game which I have to say sucks…its more of a grind than World of Warcraft and no where near as funny since he goes out of his way to try and top Leeroy Jenkins and FAILS. Still I guess it is to be expected from an arrogant indy studio seeking to charge 60 USD for episodic gaming, no wonder why Gabe Newell told Studio Lolikit to take his shit to elsewhere. So in this game you go back to fucking high school, the paradise of weeabo dipshits who want to make up for their lost four years and yearn to go back to being some prick who could suck off his parents’ money. For a game that is so in love with high schools it certainly leaves out the best thing you can do in High School as an IRL Troll. All in all typical hippie bullshit I have come to expect from denizens of the People’s Republic of Berkeley. Doubly so for a trustafarian like this self proclaimed Dr. Lolikit (must be a lame attempt at riding Dr. Mario’s coattails) who plays himself in the game but was probably too high to do any voice acting for his tweeker looking furry ass.

I liked CJ better when she wasn’t a part of the master race…come to think of it I liked her more in her last game…

So instead of giving you choice you get to be some pink haired scrawny little girly man instead of something cool like a Space Marine or a Master Chief Petty Officer with rebounding health you know something original… I suppose that since this lolikit is a hippie it was too much to hope for some genuine badassery and instead we get a festival of mediocrity of remarks that might seem snide to civilian dipshit but to an enlisted guy like me it seems too fucking polite. Also since the main douche of a protagonist’s name is in red font it is clear that CCY is just a lousy cover for CCP, I bet lolikit thought he was very clever but I have fought the Red Menace since 1989 I know how the enemy works. Hell even the pink hair was a dead give away to lolikit’s allegiance to Code Pink… Despite the sexual spectacles this game is “sexy” like like a prudish fat yaoi fangirl…the sad truth is that there is no sex! Hell there isn’t even any sexy violence! I played for 100% completion in order to be Korean enough for Starcraft 2 when it comes out and still there was hardly any blood spatter to be found…

Hey Owen the scouter only breaks at 9001, it can run negative numbers real well…though I admit penalizing you with a negative for every time you fap is a bit harsh.

Gaming is normally about getting an experience you’d otherwise couldn’t have like blowing up people into little itty bitty pieces while getting Amnesty International crying enough tears to flood the world. Not here though, as it seems to be a game for the auteur, a game not made so much to give a player a good time, but a game made for the creator as a chance to show off how great he is and to wank off to himself. Five minutes in we already see the Marty Stu character of lolikit himself insinuating that he gets to bang one of his students, as usual some big breasted blue eyed blonde haired bimbo, I suppose it is a statement on how much he adores the Master Race (furries in Mein Deutschland indeed). If I wanted to hear about other people having sex I’d watch pr0n instead as at least I can forgo the nasty hairy hippie and have some hawt girl on girl action, but in CCY17 the game doesn’t give you a choice and in order to curry favor with HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED cuts out the sex. I would have given lolikit more points for putting in his little fun time in the chem lab, that way he could be where he rightfully belongs…in jail for distributing child pornography like the Jap fag that he is.

I asked Alphard and Liang Qi to pass judgement on this game as well…I was severely punished with airsoft pellets for wasting their time…

Unlike a good game like say Halo 3 or Duke Nukem Forever CCY17 is actually a shitty visual novels made for weeaboo who can’t really play games and can’t beat Nintendogs. As such it’s a boring little game with dialog boxes out the ass and crappy one click combat in which there are no satisfying kills to speak of (Killing this Scott character seemed more like community service since there was no Achievement, come to think of it there were no Achievements period). Instead of a PvP kill count to track how much shit you are not killing you get three numbers which make no sense, I suppose you have to be as high as lolikit to find them funny.

Owen is also the lamest villain ever as he is obviously a lesser version of the famed Jackal from Far Cry 2. Owen is a shirtless hippie while the Jackal is a learned arms dealer, the gulf in evil is quite jarring in that Owen might as well be making friends with furry forest creatures and sing to birds. Speaking of shitty characters while beautifully designed were a blatant attempt to hide the truly hideous visages of almost all of the characters. I may not personally know them (well I do know Impz and they certainly did not even begin to scratch the service in his regard though I suppose the artist was simply too overawed to do a realistic depiction…which is of course forgivable), nor would I want to, but judging from how the Aegis Combat System is always identifying them with transponder code 7700…along with a huge radar cross-section I suppose that they are quite large… Also for a group that would knowingly try to ride Krauser II’s coattails they certainly don’t look the part, and I am sure that a few laws were broken in the process. I can only hope Krauser II rapes lolikit 11 times as recompense for trying to make money without his permission.

Who in their right mind would want to learn how to suck gold balls out of garden hoses? Also flashing gang signs are we now lolikit? The Glee Club isn’t a gang, you don’t even have guns…THUG LIFE indeed.

While one would expect this to be a full game it turns out to more insidious than an EA franchise as at the very end they promise to bring in more sequels and to bring you the shittiest DLC that would make Oblivion’s Horse Armor look like a bargain. The game is a total rip off despite the pretensions to choice it seems that despite going her or there will always lead you along the same dull paths (all paths lead to incomplete). Also for some reason we have to do stupid shit like troll club when there isn’t a manly mecha fighting club, riflery, EOD, or CQC club. At the end of the day CCY17 is not worth 60 USD for the PC, and there is a very good reason why this isn’t on WiiWare, 360 Arcade, or PSN, namely shit sucks. It’s linear, boring, the one click combat has been done better elsewhere, the writing makes Gears of War look like a Pulitzer Prize winner, and it’s over priced for an episodic game. In short Dr. Lolikit is the Uwe Boll of gaming in that his adaptations suck even when he wrote the original, for the self proclaimed “Serial Troll” the game spends an awful lot of time sucking up to people. Although, since he is a hippie he probably thinks that showering his targets with praise and adoration, and giving their egos a blowjob that he’s “trolling them.”

Ugh…do we really have to white knight this chick? Can’t we just strap a bomb to her and let her blow up the principal’s office…

I am being overly mean, the game is quite adequate in it’s beta form and is held back more by restrictions of the visual novel genre than any lack of elan on the part of the developers. Still I hope this actually sees completion as it would be sad if after all those donations it turns out that Studio Lolikit is just another 3-D Realms and takes forever to deliver their game. I suggest playing it for a laugh here or there, but there is still reason to hope that Studio Lolikit will actually survive to complete this project.

In any case the hippie wanted suggestions on how to make the game better so being a veteran gamer I might as well tell the weed smoking hippie how to stop sucking. Well here goes…

To that dirty old hippie in need of a shave and a haircut:

1.    Needs more weapons and dynamic fisticuffs like Fight Night Round 4 (Don’t tell me you suck more than EA, hippie.) because if I am going to kill Scott I want it to be on screen with my fists breaking his fragile face bit by bit.
2.    Needs more mecha, no seriously stop making homage to crappy harem animu and go with the best genre hippie.
3.    Needs more yuri, it’s fine if he wants to fantasize about other men, but if you want more people to play put in something for men, and all men love yuri. Other wise this game is stuck trying to appeal to fat yaoi fan girls with yaoi paddles, and without lurvin scenes Studio Lolikit will be filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy before Christmas.
4.    You’re an asshole until I’m in the game.
5.    You’re an asshole until Calawain, EO, and lelangir are in the game.
6.    Make Impz more trappy, because right now what you have, while splendidly drawn, does not do his trappiness justice.
7.    Needs Achievements.
8.    Liang Qi-sama wants Wii controls and the ability to import her Mii.
9.    Alphard onee-sama thinks your one click combat sucks you need something more FPS, like V.A.T.S.
10.    Music is lacking you need to level up that deaf lazy chimp of a composer to Yoko Kanno level. Also start with using The Winner when turning Scott into a bloody mess and have the ending theme be 10 Years After, trust me it will make your game better.
11.    Needs genderbending.
12.    Less furries.
13.    If IKnight is not mecha, it ain’t IKnight.
14.    MOAR Quicktime events.
15.    Get a better writer, at time of writing Rhianna Pratchett is kicking your ass.
16.    Seriously how could you not go with a beat’em up?
17.    Let us pick from a number of protagonists other than CCY, he’s a commie and boring as hell.
18.    Your M Rating is misleading, it should be rated E for Everyone like your Marty Stu, call ESRB and get it changed.
19.    How dare you insult Impz by implying that this Omo can be anywhere near as trappy, we all know he’s a fat American Pig…
20.    Needs Prince Ali to kill people randomly to keep the excitement going.
21.    Your physics engine sucks more than Havoc, nothing even bounces…

Dude he looks like a terrorist without the rag over his head…not a terrorist straight out of hell.

Killing this fool was oddly unsatisfying, I could not bust a cap in his ass watch his blood spurt out in interesting patterns, worst of all there was no Achievement unlocked…thanks for sucking the fun out of killing people lolikit you fucking hippie.

That hardly does Impz justice…just saying.

Sometimes life can imitate art retroactively….this is the sea story of one such incident.

Well seeing as at the time of writing I have been in ordered into a short exile by my employer I might as well rant about all the bullshit I had to endure at AX from asinine panels to the underwhelming Masquerade since internet is slow here. After doing paper work and pretty much getting some military paper work done, though I need to put an APB on Impz and (I finally burned him out…) Haesslich for one little thing that will bring them great benefit for their rooms (all are at the time of writing frustratingly MIA), I have simply run out of things to do. Still I suppose it is probably best time to get the Morning Musume panel and concert out of the way. To be honest I went into AX ready to hold them in utter contempt since their handler, hence forth known as the Mouth of Sauron, was tossing her weight around the press junket and decided who it was that would get the “honor” of holding an interview with Morning Musume. Being a gaijin barbarian I had severely underestimated them…

Morning Musume when exposed to light…

Morning Musume at night…

For those who don’t know Morning Musume is basically the Menudo of Japan, only instead of boys they recruit girls who are under 23 (though age is not always the reason for “graduating”). The only thing I really knew before being exposed to their black magic was that most were born around 1989, in which case their ascension were heralded by an earthquake that struck San Francisco and split the Berlin Wall asunder. I probably should have read up on them before hand as they were the originators of the theme for AX that year. Perhaps then I would have come across this:

“Those who used the Nine Microphones became mighty in their day, bards, sorcerers, and warriors of old. They obtained glory and great wealth, yet it turned to their undoing. They had, as it seemed, unending life, yet life became unendurable to them. They could walk, if they would, unseen by all eyes in this world beneath the sun, and they could see things in worlds invisible to mortal men; but too often they beheld only the phantoms and delusions of Tsunku (a.k.a. Sauron). And one by one, sooner or later, according to their native strength and to the good or evil of their wills in the beginning, they fell under the thraldom of the microphone that they bore and of the domination of the One which was Sauron’s. And they became forever invisible save to him that bore the Ruling Microphone, and they entered into the realm of shadows. The Nazgûl were they, Morning Musume, the Ulairi, the Enemy’s most terrible servants; darkness went with them, and they cried with the voices of death.” –Record of the Lodoss War

Morning Musume’s Translator/Handler at AX’09

Their Fanclub HQ…

At the panel the Mouth of Sauron was pwning the noobs who dared to ask questions as not straight answer was given that the ignorance of their orc armies was evident as some did not know that a few of them has been voice actors for some anime series. Still if nothing else the host of Minas Morgul were certainly loud and numerous. Even if I think the Mouth of Sauron was all high and mighty she did have enough skill to shut people up and outright change their questions. Still after the Nine name dropped Pink’s Hotdogs I assume there might have been an even longer line there for some time. Well except Sunday since the Nine were summoned back to Barad-dur.

In any case while they roamed about Los Angeles they did address their infernal host of glow stick wielding Uruk-hai at a concert that I actually got a fairly decent seat for, even if I had to banish a few Mordor trolls to claim it. Like Earnur, 33rd King of Gondor, I was a fool for trying to challenge the Nine and for my impudence I was struck by Koharu “the Shadow of the East” Kusumi, Commander of Dol Guldur, with a Black Dart. It is true that their powers are greatly increased by the darkness, and that their Black Breath is indeed no joke, as I would discover to my utter horror. The only moment the faltered was when they hissed something about global warming, but even then their lethality was scarcely reduced. Such was my horror and subsequent stupor that I forgot to put the rest of my music onto my iPhone and only had their infernal shrieks from which I hoped to gain forbidden knowledge on the mics of power from which to mock them as having no talent. Coupled with the effects of their fell sorcery and my exile to Virginia with agonizingly slow internet meant I would have nothing else to listen to.

Already I can feel the weariness overtake me as their catchy songs become increasingly pleasant. Soon I will become a dwimmerliak in service of the dread captain of Dol Guldur as punishment for my insolence. It was as if I had been cursed by Glaurung himself as the one who bested me was a tall and fair lass of less than 20 winters and was the one who once donned the guise of Kirari from Kirarin Revolution. Oh unhappy fate for me to have been beguiled by a shojo heroine. Forever more, I shall love her and despair…

Kawamori was Right

It was as it were the perfect analogy…

He did it to me again…

I think it was ghostlightning who once mentioned in passing that Macross is full of fanciful BS, a song ending a war after all is rather fantastic. In any case I went into the concert as a man on a mission of malice out of pure fucking meaness, and I was expecting to loathe them (and write a post to incite a huge flood of hits from their white knighting hordes of fans, sadly some one already did something similar and successfully), but I really should have known better as a Macross Lifer. The power of song is certainly not to be underestimated and even if I didn’t understand much of it, their songs were catchy enough that I enjoyed myself. They probably can’t write a much of a song on their own, but still as a soldier who knows how brutal military drill can be (I was in color guard and drum corps when the world was young) I can respect them for working hard enough to do it for years at a time. Given that they never chose to be in the same group and were drafted to work together in a sense their dance routines seem all the more impressive for it since they all have to share the spotlight. I was ready and eager to call them the IRL Sakura-dan of White Album infamy. I was even prepared to go as far as mocking Jun Jun, as having been originally named Chun Li but was so backward they had to change it. Indeed my malice was quite excessive and my haterd unfounded. Nevertheless considering how rigorous their generational drafts (auditions) are and how the producer even went as far as taking no one at all in one audition, they are less like bard conscripts and more like bard commandoes.

I suppose I should have taken more heed of the bards of the Macross Universe. Even if Sheryl was irritating at first she became endearing because she worked hard to get where she was, even if Grace was the undisputed master of propaganda. I do think it was my respect for the great Sheryl-sama that I didn’t dismiss their efforts out of hand and operate under the assumption that their job was easy. Given that the media gives more of shit about them fucking up than me; I suppose not being under an electron microscope makes my job easier in that I can fuck up and not get in too much trouble supposing there is no body count of consequence. In the case of Minmay, she might have been a deplorable woman but she did have talent and the power of song. I suppose it was simply a case of life imitating art as the Zentradi were also laid low by an underage idol. In that sense I probably got what I deserved for walking into one of their concerts with an axe to grind before I even listened to their songs.

Bards like her do exist.

Life is funny, as at the time I just simply went to help cover the event, only to walk out a fan and picking out the 16, now 17, year old (I assumed that since they got graduated at their mid twenties that they ranged 17-22.) as the cutest since she was comparatively tall (which I assumed to be an indicator of age), hardly broke a sweat (Which I assumed was the result of years of strength and endurance training. After all dancers are among the fittest people in the world in terms of overall muscle strength, like a gymnast), and had a pony tail (a fatal weakness of mine in this case). My full horror only came about after reading the wiki article on them (truly ignorance would have been bliss). Ah well even if I can no longer give Char crap about choosing Lala Sune anymore, at least it was a young lass who is living the shojo heroine dream that robbed me of the moral high ground. At least I can give Char crap for having shit taste…

In the end I can see how they managed to sell so many CDs and have a fandom that counts significant numbers outside of Japan.

Her song ended a war.

Her song ended my string of Char likes jailbait jokes…

The Black Captain of the Nine. Do not pursue her! Far off yet is her doom, and not by the hand of man will she fall.

Ai Takahashi, Lord of Carn Dûm, is capable of taking out whole kingdoms as Arthedain, Rhudaur, and Cardolan found to their cost…

Their like I had long assumed was confined to 2D…

Little did I know that such was shojo heroine power that they were capable of becoming 3D; as such IN THE NAME OF THE MOON she punished me.

It was pretty much like having underestimated GARby, the consequences were quite drastic.

Kawamori then sent me this post card with a message, “MERRY CHRISTMAS ZENTRADI SCUM. LISTEN TO THEIR SONG! LOL newfag.”

A Zeon worth fighting for.

Well now that work is out of the way and I am currently waiting for orders during Spring Break I am finally able to fully address IKnight’s “War Sucks!” post in a fuller manner. IKnight raises an important distinction between the war sucks theme and the prevalent misnomer that it essentially means that such a work is by nature anti-war. For the most part Gundam is anything but anti-war and with exception to a few animated works such as Waltz with Bashir and Grave of the Fireflies there aren’t many animated works that are at their core anti-war. For the most part Gundam is not anti-war since all mecha is a glorification of violence on some level and not an out right rejection of violence as a means to an end. In most cases those who do writing probably have never fought a war nor have ever served in uniform, even then there is a great deal of difference between a conscript and a volunteer. The only widely read writer that I can think of (note there are many more that may or may not have seen combat) who actually fought in a modern war was George Orwell, given that anime is done almost exclusively by Japanese writers and given that they hardly talk of the full scope of the last war that they fought it is unlikely that they are capable of fully understanding the great big mess that is war. IKinght is largely correct in deducing that opposition to one war does not automatically mean that such a person is anti-war, the notion that there can be a just war is proof enough that there are few true pacifists.

If there were to be an anti-war Gundam the protagonist would have to be a GM pilot, not some invincible kid.

I’ll be honest I don’t think that most civilian can even begin to understand what war is and how it is possible for decent people to irrationally enlist. Even if IKnight says that all the conflicts he hears about were in far off places he does ignore the situation in Northern Ireland or what it would have been known to him as “the Troubles” thereby demonstrating what I think is a fundamental issue with civilians in general and idealists in particular, willful ignorance. War is at its core death on an industrial scale nothing will ever change that, not the Geneva Convention, weapons bans, or the International Court of Justice. The creation of such institutions is simply a mark of the notion of a just war and a clean war which is in my experience rather prevalent in the     better off places in the world but by no means universally held even there. What mecha, and in keeping with IKnight’s example, such as Gundam does is vindicate acts of war on the part of the titular heroes, with notable exception to UC. In the case of UC it was the chronicle of a long running war with distinctions between good and evil harder to define as it dragged on since both the Federation and Zeon engaged in atrocities of one sort or another at various times. Most importantly of all is that no matter how great a pilot Amuro, Char, or any one for that matter none of them could put an end to it. For all of the heroism, camaraderie, and nobility none of mattered in the grand scheme of things, it was all in vain. More recent Gundams aren’t anti-war as they amount to little more than power fantasies of the lone teenage hero doing superhuman things on par with curing blindness there by dumbing down the issue of war down to moralistic platitudes of little if any value. Nevertheless ‘War Sucks’ is a universal theme in Gundam, along with all the romanticism associated with war adventure, romance, and heroics, and for good reason, since mecha in Gundam are machines of war and not machines that play basketball.

These days it seems child conscripts are quite fashionable, and as such there will be much tomfoolery and SNAFUs.

‘War Sucks’ is common enough sentiment but because morals differ from place to place making moral judgments on war is largely a futile exercise. The idea that there can be a just war ought to confirm to everyone that war will not be going out of fashion anytime soon. In the case of the Neo-Conservatives the 2003 invasion was justified, not every one agreed and heated and ugly arguments were tossed about across the globe largely over the rather pointless issue of whether or not it was right. Herein lies the crucial divergence of how a soldier and a civilian would think, for the civilian having the moral high ground is important, for the soldier the thing he/she cares about most is victory and how to live to see it. I know for me that once the die was cast there would be no take backs and the only thing that really mattered is and always will be victory, since in all honesty I’d rather deal with the consequences of winning than the consequences of losing and like Patton I’d don’t give two shits for some one who lost and laughed. Even if an indeterminate number of servicemen take issue with the dice being tossed in the first place assigning blame doesn’t help me or anyone else who is in country, but for any civilian that cares about politics (which is pretty much everyone) being right helps them in ways I don’t fully understand. The fixation on moral high ground and moral justification plays a large role in Gundam, sure the side they are on can be wrong, but the hero is always right and largely free of any sort of misbehavior and if there is even the slightest bit of ambiguity there is usually an excuse which is harped upon constantly. In addition the in the recent Gundam series there is a distinct lack of death on the hero faction which automatically removes much of the PTSD factor further making war a mere backdrop for mecha beating each other to pieces.

As for the those who actually volunteer there is much less bitching, though a lot more trash talk.

Within the mecha genre the most glamorous of all soldier subtypes is already chosen, the pilot. There is a great difference between a pilot and infantry, after all a pilot will rarely see the first hand the results of his/her handiwork in the same way a ground pounder would, the fact that pilots do put kill markers on their planes is indicative of how each group has different views on killing. Moreover a pilot is usually an officer with better pay and better facilities than the enlisted. Things are easier for a pilot since IFF is usually good and for the most civilians don’t go off getting in the way in fighters or mobile suits, hence by default a mecha pilot will rarely if ever accidentally kill civilians as opposed to the infantry whose environment is far more confused and IFF is depended sole on a snap judgment measured in milliseconds. For the most part if a pilot does pull off a blue on blue it’s because he/she hit a ground target that was misidentified. So by default Gundam and mecha can’t ever really be anti-war because they deal with a sanitized aspect of war the only more sanitized version would be something about sailors on ships bravely swabbing the deck, not to say that their contribution is unimportant (as the Carrier Battle Group is the primary arm of force projection) but rather that they do have a sanitized environment which they swab on a regular basis. Moreover pilots don’t as a rule have it any where near as bad as the infantry since the idea of digging a hole to shit in with toilet paper being a luxury item is often enough to disabuse anyone with a romantic notion of war.

Damn civilians always getting in the way, this is not a photo op people!

While IKnight is right that every serviceman thinks that war sucks, the important difference is that for the most part those who choose to enlist or accept a commission broadly fall into the following categories the guys with no where else to go, mild misanthropes, guys who want the benefits, the guys who believe in their nation, and any combination there of. The guys who only sign for the benefits are often the first to desert and flee to other places seeking asylum and as a result their thought processes are utterly alien to me. Of the remainder for the most part there is the prevailing belief that while killing is bad letting the Jihad-kuns of the world to go about unopposed is far worse and war being war casualties, even collateral ones, are inevitable since fitting everyone with IFF would be impractical not to mention hard to implement on consenting people given potential overtones of Orwellian Dystopia.

As distasteful as civilian casualties are, it is militarily difficult to solve the problem. First off since the advent of fast moving columns in the post blitzkrieg years armies can move faster than civilians can run (also since civilians have more fat people, children, and senior citizens among them speed is further hampered) and even when they can run some for various reasons choose to stay put or are abandoned, speed being a critical to the success of any campaign seizing the objective is going to take precedence over letting every civilian get a good enough head start. Secondly moving all civilians into camps away from the baddies only sounds good in theory even if they don’t die from bullets they can still die from neglect. Thirdly the Jihad-kuns of the world do like to hide out amongst civilians and since Mao wrote the latest best selling book (to get rich is glorious) on guerrilla warfare every revolution in the making makes a point to get civilians involved in a People’s War. You can make a smart bomb but even then it still relies on a kill radius and there is no guarantee that civilians won’t simply get in the way. Then there is the issue of a huge amount of dumb ordinance that militaries all over the world use, and sadly bullets are very democratic in that they generally don’t give a toss about what they pass through or what they end up in. More often than not any killing of civilians is almost always portrayed as a deliberate act, when the reality is that accidents do occur and a slight shift in the wind can result in unintended consequences.

Sure they look magnificent, but we all know how tough they really are…

Then there are the mild misanthropes like me who consider the entire concept of innocent civilian to be a farce, it’s not so much that the civilian label is disagreeable but the notion that humans are in any way innocent is something I for one consider blatantly disingenuous. In Gundam and most series dealing with war there are plenty innocent civilians to be killed by the forces of evil they are little more that objects to be killed and then mourned for so that the forces of evil can be made all the more abhorrent and ultimately easier to kill while remaining “noble” and “just.” Truth is in war civilians will screw each other over to get what they need, crime doesn’t stop, theft goes up during duress, misdemeanors are committed, felonies continue, and for the most part a declaration of war does not put an end to the petty squabbles and crimes of non-combatants. Profiteering also occurs, so I fail to see how every civilian can be considered innocent when you can have Ann Coulters, Al Frankens, Bernard Madoffs, Charles Mansons, and Josef Fritzls amongst the civilian population. You also have the Janjaweed Rifle Association and the Hamas Rocket Society under the aegis of civilian organization, even then even if captured the members of such associations can’t be shot as spies without some controversy. Lastly I am sure most if not all of you have bought stuff with the Made in China sticker and even with Made in USA the truth is perhaps it too was made in a sweatshop, so if you think about it the ubiquitous presence of Chinese goods means that most of us have taken advantage of sweatshop labor at some point. Given the complexity of the civilian label and the general treatment of most civilians as innocent civilians, most shows dumb it down any anti-war message is already compromised.

Freedom means different things to different people.

While the average mecha protagonist in the recent Gundams is an idealist, the prevalent cynicism within most formal all volunteer militaries, is absent. (I’d imagine that it be much worse for a conscript, but I wouldn’t know) It’s fairly easy to become a misanthrope, I used to believe in human decency and the notion of innocent civilian, but 9/11 changed everything (doesn’t it always). I remember clearly, I woke up at about 0630 local time heard about he attack over 106.1 FM, thought it was bullshit, turned on the news to see the second plane go right into the tower, went to school, attended my advanced algebra class, and then the announcement at about 0830 is made to go home. To my shock and surprise I hear the loud cheers of high school students at the early dismissal, only one girl was crying in that class showing any hint of grief her name oddly enough was Mary (who I am sure was a virgin at the time, the Virgin Mary), and it was then I came to the conclusion that humans are savages.

War ages people in unexpected ways.

It’s my belief that decency was only possible when people were given the chance to be decent and if that loud cheer I heard was indicative of anything it was that not all of us even choose to be decent when given the choice. After that I had no doubt in my mind what I was going to do after high school and in 2003 I started the enlistment process. Having venerated Prussians and reading books about war, and now that a war was inevitable, I answered the call that I had felt for most of my life. The question of whether or not I could live with myself after having participated in so cruel (and uniquely human) an endeavor that might harm innocent civilians was answered with a thunderous cheer, which resulted in a general loss of faith in the human species. I think that is something no one else can understand and as a result most character development from civilian to ace is, to me, fanciful. Fundamentally my reasons for enlisting were irrational, and perhaps that is the thing that is glossed over, humans are irrational. While everyone wants peace the caveat is that we all want it on our terms, and that’s the point of violent disagreement across the globe. It’s easy to say you will die to protect your countrymen, but if given the choice to take a bullet for David Duke…I’d rudely decline. Moreover no one ever won a war by dying for his country, he won it by making the other poor bastard die for his, as such the issue is not whether one is willing to die to protect people, but if they are willing to kill to ensure their safety.

Pretty much sums up Pumpkin Scissors, the setting is depressing, but her antics are odd to say the least.

While Gundam and mecha are not anti-war, what does come to mind when I think of anti-war themes is Pumpkin Scissors, though admittedly not the best series in the world, it nonetheless went to a place few anti-war themed works go, the post war period. It’s a romantic notion that once the guns fall silent that the worst is over, on the contrary, the widespread destruction of infrastructure, displaced persons, the break down of order, botched demobilizations, and in the case of the defeated nations that signed a mildly Carthaginian peace, occupation or reparations. Most worryingly of all is the emotional ill will and anger of the populace after a war, if it is long perhaps the feeling of relief will allay the worst of it, but in a short war hatreds persist because the sacrifices more often than not were simply minimal. Unless of course the victor was waging war in someone else’s backyard in which case the post war period needn’t be painful at all. Even if it was not handled superbly Pumpkin Scissors at least covered many aspects of the shitty post war period, wide spread unemployment, loss of infrastructure, meager harvests, continued rationing, banditry, women turning to prostitution, a generation of women who may not even find a husband, disease, illicit drugs, organized crime, etc. Had it been GRIMDARK it certainly could have succeeded in that regard, but a bubbly happy overtone makes it more digestible since the any overly serious treatment of it might have been to depressing to slog through for 24 episodes.

Tl;dr C’est magnifique, mais ce n’est pas la guerre. C’est de la folie.

So with convention season reaching a fevered pitch during the spring and summer I thought that it would be fun to introduce the finer points of one of my convention staples, the MRE. Now I know that the thing says COMMERCIAL RESALE IS ILLEGAL, but there is no actual law that I have seen and they sell the things at the Travis AFB commissary anyways so if one wanted to one could get these things, even the manufacturers sell them directly though you have to buy a whole case at a time. Still at about $7.25 (there is a Tailored Operational Training Meal that goes for about $4.22 that has less calories, though is not nearly as impact resistant) a pop it’s not nearly as bad as those hotdogs, hamburgers, and small bowls of chili that the hotel or convention center tries to sell you, I am sure usagijen is going to have a fit at what I am about to say, but there certainly are benefits to having a light weight lunch that is rated to be shoved off C-130s. Besides it tastes just as good if not better than the standard convention food, and at least when you make it is fairly hot and not mildly warm to cold. If you can get a hold of these and your venue won’t have reasonably priced food I’d recommend getting an MRE especially if your schedule is packed, less time spent eating means more time doing other stuff. Besides it’s a better option than eating fast food at every meal or getting that $1.50 1 oz. bag of chips. So yeah I had one that was getting a bit old and decided it would be fun to open it up just for fun.

They call it beef steak, I call it mystery meat…

Despite the jokes of MRE meaning Materials Resembling Edibles, Massive Rectal Expulsions, Meals Rejected by Everyone, etc. it’s sort of like canned food, though the meat patties are often tough there are superior menus like the pot roast, rice, and beef stew. Other than the main course which can really be hit or miss the rest of it is usually good. The cookies are dry but edible and it tastes like a cookie, the pound cake is better, and I personally thing the crackers are okay since they have a high fiber content so that it won’t clog your system, plus they usually give you cheese spread or jam to go with it. I don’t like the wheat snack bread all too much but it does fill in for the crackers. Otherwise the fruit tastes like canned fruit and you do get candy like Skittles and M&Ms. If you are lucky you get one of the prized milk shake powders which are pretty much a meal in and of themselves and are often the most palatable part., otherwise they are excellent trade items in the field. Just be sure to drink plenty of water since you will need it… They also come in vegetarian and have fewer problems than the chicken for the most part.

Yeah my kitchen was a mess that day…

When I first saw these things in high school I though that they were the coolest things since I expected canned spam. That flameless ration heater isn’t much nowadays but back in the late 1990s I thought they were something, the thing relies on the oxidation of magnesium which produces hydrogen gas which you don’t want to get a good whiff of. The water gets really hot and is undrinkable but it gets the job done. The tiny bottle of Tabasco sauce is standard and is a god send if you need to add flavor to something or if you just like spicy foods. Just keep in mind these things really pack the calories averaging about 1200 for a full MRE since soldiers burn more calories running jumping and shooting.. The thing also comes with waterproof matches that usually work when dampened so if you need to burn those loli doujins in a hurry you can do it fairly easily and even in the rain! Still the flameless ration heater really isn’t allowed to go on a plane nakkid so you will need a sealed MRE if you are planning on flying. Otherwise boiling is a good enough method of the heater fails or you lose it. You also need a small knife or some sort of cutting device because the pouched can be really tough and even then you don’t want to peel it at the notches. Better to cut laterally so it’s more accessible and easier to eat.  If nothing else you can laugh at what passes for food for poor bastards like me during the first few weeks of hitting the ground.

More like any beans…at least they got rid of those lima bean dishes.

Opening an MRE is like opening a present, you don’t know what’s in it and even when you open something with a weird name you might find that it is something you normally eat any way, such as the fruit pastry which is really a pop tart. If nothing else get some for the zombie invasion or a natural disaster kit.

Uncle Sam is not bound by advertising laws, because he bought them not you…

The modern hard tack.

These actually taste pretty good.

Though it’s not the healthiest thing in the world…

Yeah those are real tootsie rolls, Uncle Sam like to have fun with words.

Ah it feels like the public school lunch program all over again.

Just make sure not to eat these at before you rack out.

Unlike Akiko’s Jammu it won’t kil you.

Sherry’s got the Gundam, Hughes is in the truck, and if we are lucky the Zeke will take a Kampfer. If not he’s a loser.

Well I am not sure if this is new or not but here’s some pics some gentle/m/en dug up recently. Well I can’t read moon, but judging by the hubbub it seems it will be a UC series or OVA (HELL FUCKING YEAH UC) and will be set between 0080 and 0083 in 0081. I suspect that the girl Sherry Allison will be the pilot for the RX-78-7. At least the characters barring the Zeke look older than 16. Hughes (Feddie Officer) clocks in at a nice 32 years of age, Sherry at 24 (mai hunni!), and the Zeke twat comes in at 20, though it still seems like a far cry from the old looking dudes like South Burning. Still aesthetics aside I hope that because it is the 30th Anniversary Project that it will be great, after all the RX-78-7 looks like it was based off of Alex from 0080, and the tentative pilot seems to be a girl rather than some pretty boy twat, so the stars might be aligned for this one. Let’s not forget how great things were when a woman was allowed to pilot the only Gundam in her series.

Me likes…

Here’s hoping for a cameo…

Soon this will all be behind me.

So I got the news from my university Dean’s office about a week ago, I’ll get my degree early…but the catch is that I will be getting a B.A. in Microbiology with a minor in East Asian Studies and English, instead of the B.S. in Microbiology with a minor in East Asian Studies. Perhaps there is not much of a difference in a B.A. from a BS, but the fact that my degree is going to have Art instead of Science really eats at me. Whether or not that is going to affect my chances for employment remains to be seen but I attach more prestige to the B.S. than the B.A. even if the difference is only going to be two classes. I know that ultimately though I have no one to blame for this other than myself, I transferred with too many credits and took about a quarter’s worth of classes I did not really need that I only took to keep my options open. I had gambled on the idea that the student population would not mushroom the way it did. I already went over the unit cap so it was pretty much a forgone conclusion that they would boot me out with a degree as the Dean’s Office held all the cards and had no incentive to let me petition for excess units once they figured out that went around them the first time and will be 2.5 units over the 225 cap. Certainly if I had been more focused on getting a B.S. I could have gotten it, and the fact that I did better in my minor classes than my major classes did little to help my lost cause. Most of the anger and bitterness has subsided, but in the end I find it mildly irritating all the same.

The Yuri I never saw,

The Muto that I never held,

The bath I never had,

and this University’s lack of Hasegawa speaks for itself. (adapted from an insult to the 1st Cavalry)

I’ll try to keep the bitterness to a minimum but as most of you boys and girls are in college or going to college, don’t make the same mistake I did, plan your course work out like your life depended on it, and try to avoid classes you don’t really need. Also if you are going to transfer do not bet an over achiever in community college and transfer with as many units close to the minimum as you can. I went in with 114 when I only needed 80 right off the bat which they pruned down to 90.5 units. The other issue was that I took a major in which the only interest I had in it was disease causing organisms, the rest did not interest me terribly much and I took it because it seemed more useful and could help me find a job that made decent money. If only it were like Moyashimon in that there was a lab course with instructors like Haruka and Muto, if only… Still it was also around this time when I had my fate handed to me by an enemy that I could not defeat in a civilized non-violent manner that I also finished Fancy Lala. The military teaches you how to roll with punches, but sadly they don’t really teach you how to deal with the bitterness and the anger of defeat.

Remember when you considered your crayon art to be good?

Okay so maybe getting old has some perks.

I am Quattro Bajeena I am looking for a man named Char…Have you seen him?

So before I compare my miserable existence to that of the protagonist of Fancy Lala, the anime was an oldie from 1998 about a girl named Miho who gets the power to magically conjure up clothes she draws and turn into a 15 year old Miho. She starts out as a model and eventually gets to release a single before the magical creatures that granted her mastery over space, time, and matter went on into the next temporal plain. It wasn’t a commercial success but I liked it very much since I like genki never say die characters like Miho, it also helps that she has fantasies that are very similar to Hosaka’s though since Miho predates Hosaka by ten years I think that perhaps Hosaka took a page from Miho-nee when it came to letting his imagination run riot. It’s a good old school anime to watch if you haven’t strangled the child within. Overall it was an experience for Miho that came to an end at which point she was powerless to fully reclaim what she had, though the lesson is probably that she still has time to grow up to be Lala and she needn’t such into it. Funny how kids wish that they could be adults and when they become adults all they want is to be a kid again. I liked it a lot because of the bitter sweet end, Miho, might not see Lala for another six years, but life went on, after her adventure was over life went on there was no need to despair because she still a had a number of years to enjoy being a kid.

Things were so much simpler when I was nine…

Say does that magical pen work backwards?

Whatever happened to see through clothes anyways?

Maybe it was a happy coincidence that I finished Fancy Lala around the same time my plans for the future were rendered moot with one swift stroke from the Dean’s pen in the NO box. Just like how Miho’s stint as Lala ended abruptly and just as she peaked, my college life will soon effectively come to an end and like Miho I will have to figure out what to do from now on. Where as Miho would someday see Lala again on her 15th birthday, I cannot afford to do this college thing over again nor do I have that much time to devote again. Soon I will fully enter the real world instead of residing in the dual existence of college drunkard and GI Joe. Graduating early is both a blessing and a curse it means that I won’t have any civilian employment when I get out, and judging by how dismally everyone else is doing I should be grateful that I have already enlisted and have rank over the new crop of recruits who are signing up now to make ends meet. At this juncture I don’t know what I want to do depending on how the job search thing goes, and as I have mentioned before I can still beg Uncle Sam for a job (which he will surely grant so long as he gets to decide where it is I shall work), just sooner than I had ever intended. One great thing about being shoved out is now the constant pressure of having classes seems to have abated. I hear they call it senioritis and it certainly feels good since I know I can’t alter the fate I was handed. The BA I supposedly get in March (I didn’t file for graduation on time because I did not know I was going to graduate or that IGETC fulfilled the foreign language requirement) represents in many respects a tactical victory in that I am no longer losing money paying tuition, but represents a strategic defeat in that I did not get the degree I wanted. Ah well more time for animu and mango I suppose, I just hope that a B.A. in a science is not totally useless because that would make this a very costly Pyrrhic victory.

Impz is that you?

You’ll see Lala again Miho…

Plus you won’t have to wait the full Ten Years After.

Well in the end I hope you kids learn from this old man’s academic equivalent of Lake Trasimene. Still like Miho I can look off into the setting sun, one chapter of our short existences has closed, we may have tasted bitter defeat, but so long as we have the capacity to endure this glorious struggle is not yet over. I’ll always have Moyashimon to remind me of the lab that never was, and Fancy Lala reminded me that I still have a future. Maybe God is trying to tell me something I have prayed for an end to college and now I got it. I just didn’t expect God to use Fed-ex overnight shipping. So far this year I have been promoted, robbed, and now I am graduating earlier than expected, there is something oddly amusing and mildly miraculous about what has occurred in my ho hum existence in the first part of 2009. Now to pray for Title 10 orders for a billet in Honolulu…I want certainly want Honolulu, but given how God seems to have an odd sense of humor IMHO, I suspect I will get Title 10 orders…to someplace just as sandy but with horrible beaches… I at least have a future being a more active Jolly Green Giant (though more like Disgruntled Tan Dwarf) that gets to stride to the farthest corners of the earth on Uncle Sam’s penny it’s almost like a dream come true.

Still I wonder if every college graduate who got their degree during hard times goes through this. Perhaps there are a few of you who are older than dirt that can attest to Next War-itis What Next-itis?

Skip Beat post later if Impz is still MIA on it.

If only this warhorse had only to fight anything but Zakus…

Well after IKnight posted about MS IGLOO 2 I figured I might as well, for those who don’t know each ep is a 30 min love song to a weapon that took part in the One Year War. As a rule there isn’t much of a plot to speak of and truth is they aren’t going to win any awards for great characterization given the daunting task of introducing some poor guy only kill him off at the end. Still it is gritty even if it is 5,000 leagues away from realism with the shinagami chick. Unlike ghostlightning and IKnight I don’t really care about the shinagami because her name isn’t Sanders and she doesn’t pilot a mobile suit in the 8th MS Team she’s death and that is all there is to it all I care about is that the Type 61 is fight and boy is it FIGHT. I would have posted this earlier but my attempts to watch it in glorious 1080p were all for naught and I just called it quits and got the 720p instead, thanks to the boys and girls at gg for subbing this in HD.

As you can see here this lazy Zeke A Gunner is DOING IT WRONG, hell I operate a M240 and I think little of that drum mag too.

That must have been a bitch to dig.

Unlike the IRL Big Red 1 these guys weren’t nearly as great.

Yandell is very much in the mold of Captain Ahab and the minute you see him with his peg leg and wish to fight the White Ogre, you know he’s not long for the world, even more so when the poor schmuck who gets to be his driver may as well be Ishmael. Still it was a worthy effort to try and give Yandell some personality, it’s rather hard though since it is CG and the predominant face for just about every one but Yandell and the major is abject terror. As I said before it is gritty, but not real the overwhelming Feddie Air Force is no where to be seen, in fact for the most part there are no fighters or aircraft at all. It’s really a wonder that what use to be boscage country turned into a desert with no trees. Had it been like Normandy in 1944 it would have made for an interesting fight, and certainly the Zakus would not have dominated the way they did. Ah well North Africa was the place where there were a good number of tank battles any way though if the wanted a good place to flee to the sea Dunkirk was a few good miles up the coast.

While the turret is placed more towards the back, unlike the Merkava crew survivability was dismally low.

Uh Dunkirk was a bit up North…

The Type 61 frowns upon your shenanigans.

Still that Type 61 was fucking lovely, the twin cannons are excessive and would be a bitch to implement properly. Still they did try to make the Type 61 plausible with the auto loader and having only a crew of two since the Type 61 also had to carry 155mm discarding sabot rounds which aren’t small. Still as a treadhead it was disappointing to see that it was only a crew of two since the inclusion of a gunner would have let Yandell do nothing but command, but to be fair I don’t think Sunrise counts that many treadheads among them. Then again even the Zeke MG A gunner was DOING IT WRONG, so it’s not that big of a deal. It’s rather funny how the Germans were the ones who tried to build the Ratte and yet they share more in common with the Zekes. I like how they tried to explain more about the Type 61 than they did the characters, and in many ways the Type 61 is the real star of the episode, though because realism got kicked in the crotch when Zakus started dodging tank rounds the Type 61’s heyday had already passed. Still it had some fight left in it as Yandell tried to fight it the smart way with numbers and ambushes. Still the Type 61 vs Magella Attack Tanks was welcome if all too brief, I probably would have enjoyed that a more than the training fight they had, but overall the action was great, just not orgasmic to the point where the average mecha fan would be left twitching in his seat. In all the Type 61 is Fight and is worth checking out for treadheads, and those who want half an hour’s worth of mecha action. However if you want a plot and a storyline you better look elsewhere this is a short affair and the story is just something to justify the Type 61 blowing up Zekes.

The Magella Tank is no maatch for the might of the Type 61.

For Fuck’s sake you’re amatuer…

Where’s the air support?

I dub thee Major Giggles.

I continue to FIGHT!

Goodnight.

Avast there be the White Zaku, MAN THE HARPOONS!

My balls are on FIRE!

Looks like you got some explosive diarrhea there, I here they call it the Zaku shits, remeber to use your iodine tablets next time…

I am game for his crooked jaw, and for the jaws of Death too, Lt. Yandell, if it fairly comes in the way of the business we follow; but I came here to hunt Zakus, not my commander’s vengeance. How many barrels will thy vengeance yield thee even if thou gettest it, Lt. Yandell? it will not fetch thee much in our Luna market.

I prefer the Type 61 myself.

You mean The Winner.

If Impz thinks he can get all rabu rabu while the rest of us are single he’s got another thing coming… – Lord Kitchener

So once again it is Kimberley Liberation Day, the anniversary of the beginning of then Major General John French’s attempt to relieve the South African town of Kimberley that was the first in a series of British success that rekindled support for the last Imperial War and forced the Boers to resort to guerrilla tactics which were brutally dealt with by Lord Kitchener. So while the uncaring pairs of losers in love across the globe celebrate their so called love that will not last until death do they part I wish to spread the word on another holiday that ought to occur in concert with Adnan bin Saidi Memorial Day. While others deign to celebrate that lesser holiday known as Valentines or Singles Awareness Day, i hope you wall join me in marking this day in an altogether different and far more respectful manner. For on this day in the year 1900 over 100 years ago the British Empire had suffered a series of humiliating defeats at the hands of the Boers of Transvaal and the Orange Free State. Onto the stage came a polite tea drinking Englishman that led a cavalry attack that broke the 124 day siege of Kimberley that marked a dramatic turn in British fortunes in the Second Boer War. You see those lovey dovey otaku who are going out tonight have had their preconceptions colored by the heirs of a failed imperial power, known today as Akihabara who invented a cheap shoddy imitation empire known as the Britannian Empire that was full of fail and lose as they never drank enough tea. Back then when IKnight’s tea drinking ancestors were sipping tea in their colonies on every continent that mattered, the British did things that would make whiney emo commies (because we all know the people who bitch the most about empire are fucking communists) cry for years to come.

You see when war was war and there was no bullshit called chivalry or bushido malarkey to justify rape, those tea drinking English were ass kickers of the highest order who also hired other ass kickers like Sikhs and Gurkhas. This Second Boer War was the kind of war every peacenik forgets to study despite being a war with no real good guys and puts just about ever fiction writer who writes about war to shame. The cause of this war was really gold and diamonds, and no bullshit story has ever come up with a better awful casus belli than that. While the actions of John French and his men were important even more awful was the crap that followed. The Boers figured that they were better off using guerilla tactics, like those the pussies of the United States of Japan have yet to master, the British were at a loss of what to do until Lord Frederick Roberts devised a strategy of camps, blockhouses, scorched earth, and New Model tactics, which one Lord Herbert Kitchener brutally meted out to the Boers to crush them for good. You see unlike those fictitious Britannians the British understood that merely killing a Boer was not going to do it and by fencing off the land, burning down farms, salting the earth, at first rounding up the women and children, and later letting the women and children roam freely to weigh down the Boer commandoes was going to achieve far better results. It has been alleged that tea drinking Lord Kitchener LOLed at the Liberals who thought that keeping Boer women and children out of the camps was more merciful to leave them out there amongst the blackened ruins of their farms with no food at all. In fact it made perfect military sense as his sweeper groups were more able to run down Boer commandoes who had women and children in tow.

That is how Lord Kitchener became the public face of one of the most brutal and wildly successful anti-guerrilla campaigns ever waged, the combination of blockhouses, sweeper columns, cavalry raiders, scorched earth, and camps that killed not out of malice but out of apathy proved to be a winning formula for victory.  The Federation could learn much from an unprincipled tea drinker like Kitchener to deal with Kataron. While a paltry 1000 dead can now be considered genocide and a raid is now an invasion and occupation, back in ye old days the scale was much greater and those who go out and make toasts this night are toasting to the tune of over 53,000 dead for some gold and diamond mines. The insult does not end there the terms for the Boer surrender were far too friendly and led to Apartheid (because those Boers were racists how’s that for GRIMDARK) which lasted until 1994, the scorched earth policy that resulted in untold devastation of agricultural lands that were rendered useless and made mining the primary basis for the South African economy for the immediate aftermath. The British learned to wear khaki as their bright red coats were bullet magnets, this then led to a few Germans getting really ticked off in 1914 when they found that those tea drinking British were cheating.

Before their defeat at Kimberley the Boers could have snatched victory, but after Kimberley, even with a guerrilla campaign their defeat was inevitable as Lord Kitchener had no problems putting people into camps, burning down farms, and relentlessly harassing the Boer commandos until they accepted his terms. So couples of the world may you enjoy your meals over the anniversary of the Kimberley turning point of the Second Boer War and the beginnings of Apartheid, you sick human beings. Also Adnan bin Saidi is rolling in his grave for giving up his life so that these two can pollute the internets.

My Alto-hime was so Yakk DECULTRE that I simply had to have a Hime-Custom of my own. I blame ghostlightning for this he made me jealous. At least that extra scratch I get for being an E-5 will cover it.

So yeah my VF-25F Hime-Custom arrived earlier this month and given a small sliver of time I can finally post a picture and proudly declare how I broke my first New Year’s resolution to hold off on model kit purchases. If only I had GODLY free hand skills I would paint a pinup based on one of them ero-stickers, but alas my skills are not so great. It was a good start to a new year, and oddly enough January has been a month chock full of pleasant surprises. I made E-5 (Sergeant/Petty Officer 2nd Class/Air Force Staff Sergeant, take a good guess why don’t you) on the first of January and did not find out about it until a drill weekend, I guess I should have checked the promotion lists when they got published, but being a cynic I didn’t even bother. I also get to update all my uniforms with new rank insignia, but hey it’s an expense I’ll gladly pay with that new raise I get by default and through the promotion, I also have to add my first bean stripe for the years I spent eating beans since I enlisted. Seeing as how I am in a fair mood for this month I also wish to ramble about what a good start to this year I have been blessed with.

So yeah Inauguration Day has come and gone and my new boss has already added to the cacophony of pleasant surprises this month. I never did think that I would live to see a person of color (a.k.a. COMBO BREAKER) be elected to the Presidency in my life time. You learn a couple things when you join the military one of them being how Churchill was right when he said, “Many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.” One of the reasons why I liked LOGH so damn much was because I could appreciate Yang Wenli’s problems. I promised to tell some of you what I thought for all these years, true to my word if you wanted to know here it is.

How I Threw My Vote Away, Twice

I wish, if only more people voted Libertarian…

So the eight years of neo-conservatism have passed, and personally I feel very much relieved, my old boss is a good and decent man as a private citizen, but I confess that I never, rightly or wrongly, voted for him. Patton supposedly once remarked, “I am in the pay of the United States government. If I vote against the administration I am voting against my commander-in-chief. If I vote for the administration in office I am being bought.” I did not like the idea of being bought so I voted Libertarian on both occasions (inb4 I threw my vote away) so that they could get recognition, besides I don’t think much of neo-conservative dogma as it is now. I still wonder about the big “what ifs,” like what if we listened to General Shinseki or what if enough of us doubted Powell on WMDs. I believed in General (retired) Powell and I still believe that he is an honest man. He was an army man and on that alone I did not doubt him even slightly. I still would by the man a drink. I don’t believe that he lied, but even the best of us can get duped by the CIA, hell Kennedy was. On a personal level my biggest regret was that we could not trade the CIA (why Made in USA ain’t all that great) for the Mossad. The only thing I am thankful for after all this time is that with Mr. Gates at the helm things seem to be as they should, it never really seemed like that to me (then again I am so low on the totem pole I probably wasn’t aware of all that was right) when his predecessor got all high and mighty at times. Well farewell and Good Day to them all.

I gots one.

With President Obama it seems that at least now the Army might be issuing less waivers than they used to, maybe this new crop of Born Again Patriots were prompted by Obamania or their pockets. I am a humanist though when it comes to mein kamraden heck we’re all in the same boat now I hope they all work hard and give it their all. My only hope is that no matter what the Military Brass says that they will not pay dearly for going against the highest office in the land, like Shinseki did. I hope this new spirit of public service will prompt the best and brightest to go into government instead of Wall Street for the time being. The overall problem of previous years was that the best and brightest never went into government, instead they chose to make bigger scratch in the private sector, hopefully if public service becomes desirable again then the US will be better off in the future for some time before the tide shifts.

Me and My Circumstances

Like this kid right here, some of us were just born to be Soldaten.

I have been eating general issue chow for over four years and one thing I learned is how to really not give a fuck what other people think especially those over zealous “activists” who are pushier than the guys asking if Jesus is in my life. Hell, there are plenty of professional activists, who just don’t get that I can easily tune their bitches and moans as I am not the complaint box for Executive Branch. I live in and am garrisoned in and around San Francisco right across from the People’s Republic of Berkeley. I’ll be frank its hippie central and a base for Code Pink, really living with such neighbors means learning to live with and protect people who really hate your guts. I even have to deal with the spawn of China’s new rich at family gatherings because one branch wanted to host some exchange students (a.k.a. Beijing University rejects). They give me crap too for not being patriotic about the motherland and signing up for the Imperial Forces, as if these spoiled commie pricks would join the PLA instead of exploiting migrant laborers and polluting the Yangtze for their designer brand jeans like a bunch of Capitalist Roaders. At least on the internet I have a “fuck you too” button at my disposal.

I have a project for every Hammel with an International Studies degree, makes this funny because it is false, not because it’s true.

In real life I get crap from plenty of college educated man children who make pigeon hole me based solely on my occupation after taking a single quiz in a poli-sci or international studies class. According to these people I am “clearly” sexist, anti-abortion, racist, homophobic, uneducated, poor, and Republican. Given this maybe being mature is realizing how man is really nothing more than a glorified ape with illusions of grandeur especially International Studies Majors. I think after four years I finally know how it must feel like being a priest at a confessional. Given my level tree, I guess leveling up in life is putting more stat points into “not giving a shit.” Even if me an my ilk are held in utter contempt for some reason we still don’t mind protecting these people, oh we bitch about them in private, but at the end of the day the job will get done and they will be able to sleep soundly without a violent interruption.

Why I Blog

Ye Guilty.

I’d like to think that given these circumstances that my point of view is significantly different from everyone else’s. My reasons, unlike usagijen’s, are simple I have no where else to go to talk about animu, mecha, yuri, and shoujo. Heck my brand of humor is black as the withered husk of my own heart, I have to learn to laugh at just about everything because in truth people who are well off probably have never seen a real shit hole before. Hence why US Army is really a misspelling and it should have been YMRA SU which is short for “Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up.” In all honesty otaku are blessed with a stable society and a good chance at carving out a living. In four short years I have found that there are some Robotech fans, Naruto fans, Bleach fans, DBZ fans, and Miyazaki fans, but when it comes to things like yuri or Skip Beat! I have yet to run into another comrade who likes either or both. Even so I’d like to leave something behind in case I expire before the lot of you, so if my life is to be short then why shouldn’t I enjoy it as I see fit? Being a cynic means also being a fatalist; I plan for the worst case scenario and before every field trip I make sure I have my will in order over at Legal. That alone probably makes me the odd one out as most people under 25 don’t have a will or even a life insurance policy worth 100K. Besides my reality of listening to every half wit about how I am pulling the IDF’s strings gets tiresome, I’d rather watch anime about yuri, shoujo, and mecha than get yet another lecture on how I am working for “the man” and how I am keeping people “down.” Another thing that is great about having Obama as my Commander in Chief is that since the election those people have one by one finally learned to shut the fuck up, well except a few of those goddamn Hamas huggers who think I am a Zionist too. I plan on doing this until the day I die, so if God wanted me to stop I’d be dead already. Life is too short to get emo over one’s circumstances, for the rest of you failure is not fatal, but for all of us it is always the courage to continue that counts.

Ain’t Nothing Gonna Break My Stride

Wing Zero Custom frowns upon your trigger discipline.

Winter so far has proved to be a pleasant surprise Maria+holic is turning out to be better than I had anticipated, I splurged on a VF-25, I actually made it to E-5, and with President Obama in charge I am no longer a pin cushion for those on the left. I anticipate more surprises in the coming year, some of them will perhaps be pleasant others probably not, but hey things look okay on my end so far. So really unless something really shitty happens this bout of pleasant surprise is only going to persist, I still have a job, I have some yuri anime this season, leveled up on the enlisted tree, and get some extra shillings here and there because base pay goes up, BAH goes up, etc. I wish President Obama the best so that those posers who assumed I was a complaint box for the Republican Party for the past couple years finally get OFF MY LAWN.

Kanako is on the prowl, all is well.

I hope to make it look decent in final form.

Same rating criteria too.

Fashion Sense – My personal grading system for the style; whether its original, stylish or just plain weird. [A scale from 1 to 10 where the higher the better]

Styling – The level of difficulty in achieving that intended hairstyle in real life. [Insanely

Difficult/ Difficult/ Normal/ Easy/ Piece of Cake]

Mobility – The level of difficulty in maintaining that hairstyle when moving around in real life. [Insanely Difficult/ Difficult/ Normal/ Easy/ Piece of Cake]

Upkeep – The level of difficulty in keeping the hairstyle the way it in real life. (e.g. whether water ruins the style, the amount of gel, how long the style lasts, upkeep, etc) [Insanely Difficult/ Difficult/ Normal/ Easy/ Piece of cake]

Comments – My personal inputs.

Hairstyle #1

Fashion Sense – 5/10

Styling – Piece of cake.

Mobility – Piece of cake.

Upkeep – Piece of cake.

Comments – A simple cut, looks like a totally average one. Perhaps it’s too average for some of you guys out there though? It’s important to note that his bangs aren’t hyperbolically huge.

Hairstyle #2

Fashion Sense – 9000+/10

Styling – Not For Mortals.

Mobility – Not For Mortals.

Upkeep – Not For Mortals.

Comments – Afro is one stylin’ mutha fuckah. He can probably hide shit in that thing, and he uses it to deceive his opponents into thinking they’ve pierced his skull when really, it’s just his mighty fro…

Hairstyle #3

Fashion Sense – 8/10

Styling – Difficult

Mobility – Difficult

Upkeep – Difficult

Comments – Not like I’ve seen many Asian guys keep up that kind of texture in hair. Seems fairly hard if your hair isn’t that long, but I think the bangs in the eyes would be a pain. (also see Koichi from Kimikiss)

Hairstyle #4

Fashion Sense – 7/10

Styling – Easy

Mobility – Difficult

Upkeep – Normal

Comments – I must admit, Gundam 00 being full of bishies, it’s only reasonable to say that you’re fond of at least one of the guy’s dew. It’d be fairly impossible for an East coast Asian guy to get his hair like that, but I’m not sure about an actual Kurd.

Hairstyle #5

Fashion Sense – 3/10

Styling – Difficult

Mobility -Difficult

Upkeep – Difficult

Comments – I wouldn’t bother with this for more than one reason…

Hairstyle #6

Fashion Sense – 8/10

Styling – Piece of cake

Mobility -Difficult

Upkeep – Piece of cake

Comments – You’d probably think of me as a liar if I said that my hair in real life actually looks like this…only not blonde…and I don’t have bangs. I rarely comb it (oh but knot central…), but I use conditioner, and it end up kinda semi-curly like that. And, Reinhard Does Not Have A Mullet. I think I’ll have to get my hair cut one day…In any case, Reinhard is one dashing Kaiser.

Hairstyle #7

Fashion Sense – 5/10

Styling – Insanely difficult

Mobility – Insanely difficult

Upkeep – Insanely difficult

Comments – Must take either a lot of gel or a lot of days not shampooing to get the back at a 90 degree angle like that. Not likely to be seen in real life – cut your bangs please.

Hairstyle #8

Fashion Sense – 7/10

Styling – Piece of cake

Mobility – Piece of cake

Upkeep – Difficult

Comments – Not that I’ve ever had my head shaved to that extent, but I think keeping it shiny would be hard to maintain. And the goatee, you can’t forget the man’s facial hair, which is a pain if you get a 5 o’clock shadow and need to shave twice a day. Thankfully, like a lot of Asian guys, I have nearly any facial hair so I can by with shaving my less-than-a-mustache once a week; hair on the jaw line….let’s not go there.

Hairstyle #9

Fashion Sense – 5/10

Styling – Piece of cake

Mobility – Piece of cake

Upkeep – Piece of cake

Comments – Poor Ryuuji…found out all that effort into fluffy bangs was in vain. Looks weird in the second picture anyway. Like something out of Happy Days.

Hairstyle #10

Fashion Sense – 9/10

Styling – Difficult

Mobility – Insanely difficult

Upkeep – Difficult

Comments – This is the worst length hair, it’s in the annoying phase when it is always in your face. It can’t be too long or too short…yeah…the worst length, however, it looks good. Dunno how this trap Toboe does it, but…but….but…IT’S CUTE.

Designation: Liberty Prime. Mission: the Liberation of Mankind from Tanuki Propaganda. Primary Targets: Any and All Red Japanese Harem Leads. Emergency Communist Acquisition Directive: Immediate Self Destruct. Better Dead than Red.

While it has been some time since I last wrote on this subject it was Stripey’s heinous Jominian efforts to spread a spate of lies and propaganda to loser harem animu leads has forced me to create a Clausewitzian response. I also wished to restore the balance of power on the field of courtship because IKnight was ill at ease that there was no treatise for the menfolk. To be sure this article is not for the loser harem animu lead that only needs his mysterious musk to attract women. This guide is for the average man who lacks such miraculous powers and Marty Stu qualities and is in anime that is superior to harem. I am quite well aware of how women operate and my knowledge has compelled me to instead marry my job, nevertheless I am not without mercy and hope that in writing this some of you might happily put on the ball and chain of marriage or otherwise make yourself a nuisance to women everywhere, so that my years of slavery under their continued tyranny might be avenged if only slightly.

(Note there are LOGH spoilers aplenty)

Shock and Awe

If you think the one in the middle is the dude, I got news for ya…

The sad truth of the matter is that for some reason women like to praise each other’s good looks, and sense of style. Men, more often or not, do not do this for fear of catching “the gay.” As such those who have the daring to do what ever it takes to find some one to love, take the view that the ends fully justify the means. After all what is the price of a man’s dignity? Not worth nearly as much as staying single or worse yet a virgin. Shock and Awe, is a doctrine based on the use of overwhelming beauty, dominant aesthetic awareness, dominant maneuvers, and spectacular displays of femininity to paralyze a target’s perception of their feelings and destroy their will and ability to resist. It can only be used by a select few who are able to pull off the infiltration tactics necessary to make the best use of this doctrine. To this end since women often take more notice of other women, an infiltrator must do the utmost to look the part. Once that is complete one’s strategies must remain offensive, but the tactics defensive. The effort that must be put into looking the part by an infiltrator often creates a superior feminine sense of aesthetics that puts real women to shame as such an infiltrator will attract all sorts of attention from women and most terrifyingly of all other men. As such Shock and Awe requires superior situational awareness lest things go awry, getting attention is rarely an issue the primary danger remains attracting unwanted attention and singling out the desired target to bring forth acceptable levels of affection.

There are some risks if the infiltrator is discovered but the hallmark of a gifted practitioner is the ability to be openly male while looking the part in male attire. Not only do women pay more attention to an infiltrator, but they will often feel more at ease as well as many men make the mistake as coming off as being predatory and unscrupulously perverted. Not so with Shock and Awe as women will be asking for advice and will more readily accept a man as they will be asking him for fashion tips and the like and that alone makes for much less awkward conversation. Women are always dragging their men folk around on shopping trips as such an infiltrator has a distinct advantage in such adventures because they are capable of making recommendations (and as such exert some influence over what the target wears with the possibility of the infiltrator dictating the entire wardrobe to boot). Once trust is earned the rest is easy. As they say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, despite protestations to the contrary women love to be flattered. Women like bishounens and nothing a man can do will alter that, thus for Shock and Awe practitioners knowing that much is half the battle. After all why haggle over rules of engagement when the ones in place favor those who put in the effort? Time wasted haggling is time not spent lurvin.

Noted Practitioners:

At first it took me a while to realize it was not Sara.

Alto-hime (Macross Frontier) – The blood of Meltrans doth flow strong in this one. Raised since his childhood to out-women women, Alto-hime has perfected the art of infiltration to the point that the unwary often mistake hime for being a girl. Hime is a classic example of where an infiltrator is so adept that there is no shortage of admirers, many of them un-wanted and some of a less than savory nature. Nevertheless after years of oyama training hime’s skill set is indeed formidable where Ranka makes death pills out of cookies and Sheryl needs help chopping hime beats them both in being able to make something edible by himself. Such prowess by the time of hime’s sixteenth birthday was already second nature, and try as hime might to be a pilot the old oyama habits die hard. To be sure hime’s fame as the greatest Sakura-hime of his age if not all time, hime’s reputation earned the notice of nearly the entire female contingent of SMS. Coupled with hime’s skills as a pilot even Mr. Bilrer took notice as did Grace.

When the end came and hime donned the heirloom of the Nome family it suited hime to a startling degree. Even in the end the PR campaign for the movie could not hide the fact that hime blended in seamlessly and in some cases stole the spotlight altogether. Clearly between Sheryl and Alto-hime Miyo-sama’s undoubtedly fantastic wardrobe will be put to good use for years to come. The ultimate testament to hime’s prowess was when Grace admitted her first true defeat and took solace in the fact that the one who delivered the coup de grace was the greatest oyama that ever lived. Despite hime’s good looks he still boasts some decent combat abilities even as he is out classed by cyborgs, veterans, and Zentradi. Nevertheless being adopted by Meltrans is in itself its own reward, so what if hime looks like a girl? At least he has a Klan onee-chan and getting more female interest without being a loser harem animu male. As they say any female interest is good interest.

Yeah I think Mako-cakes is too far gone…

Mako-cakes (Minami-ke) – By far the only infiltrator to have taken it this far is Mako-cakes, and despite claims that he wishes to reclaim his manhood, there is no denying that Mako-cakes will pay almost any price to be near Haruka. Truth be told Mako-cakes has had the most success in getting closer to Haruka as rival Hosaka is being waylaid by Hayami, and Natsuki was MIA after being beat to a pulp by Haruka, I suppose the coward fled from Haruka the Terrible. Clearly dignity is a small price to pay by Mako-cakes’ book for getting a front row seat to a Haruka disrobing; he also got an unintended bonus when he was felt up by Haruka. Certainly there are those who say that a man’s dignity is not worth losing for getting closer to Haruka, to that I respond: your numbers are negligible and you are stupid, and/or possibly interested in only men; also may your virginity last forever. While most boys his age flee from girls in terror of the cooties, Mako-cakes has enlisted Uchida and fellow infiltrator Touma to keep his identity secret. Even if he’s no Kamina at least he will live long enough to enjoy his female company until puberty hits, and there are ways around that…

Mako-cakes’ reputation is indeed infamous to the point that brokenness became incredibly widespread and millions await in abject terror at the return of Mako-cakes. Given the lazy nature of women when it comes to chores (what you think that they like cleaning?), it is abundantly clear that should Haruka refuse out of concern for age, I am sure Touma will take him. At the very least Mako-cakes has many a year to spend with Haruka, which is more than can be said for the other potential suitors and admirers.

Guerre de course

Opportunism at its finest.

Otherwise known as “Raiding,” this doctrine is most often used by men who cannot stay in one place for very long, in complete opposition to the loser harem animu male who stays in one place and is often subject to retribution. However, on the flipside men who adopt Guerre do course will often find in their old age that all was for naught and they become despicable ero-ji. Thus for the greatest practitioners (Pyrates) the goal has always been to live a short and merry life. Women love the idea of a mysterious wanderer that will whisk them away to the far corners of the land on some sort of adventure. Indeed there is a slew of bodice ripper trashy romance novels that is proof positive that such women are out there, and if those publishers have survived this long then clearly their numbers are significant. They say a sucker is born every minute, while doubly true for men it is also true to an extent for women as well. While letters of marque are often granted or more often out right forged Pyrates roam the world and the universe in search of fleeting liaisons. Although they might never experience love, they will nonetheless have the experience of joy of the hunt and the thrill of the pursuit. While ideally Pyrates are not long for this world should life become exceedingly long it is they who feel the hard hand of Grandfather Time the hardest. Indeed it is often said that old Pyrates are often bitch slapped repeatedly by Grandfather Time in a temporal loop where time itself no longer advances. While suicide is often chosen only the best practitioners of Guerre de course find some way to die heroically and without the shame of an heroing oneself.

One last word of caution though, when starting out you must keep in mind that this a purely opportunistic modus operandi as such rookies are liable to get anything and everything that comes by. Just remeber just because you can doesn’t mean you should…

Noted Practitioners:

Cuz, old Walter wants to pay her a visit after he kills you.

Walter von Schenkopp (Legend of the Galactic Heroes) – While the number of lovers this man has had remains in dispute it cannot be said that his genes were some how inferior given how one of his daughters turned out. Nevertheless while many of his secrets died with him courtship theorists have surmised that as leader of the famed Rosen Ritter that formed the core assault force of Yang Wenli’s fleet Schenkopp was able to mover from one location to another without much trouble from the authorities as the needs of war took precedence. Given his reputation and that of the Rosen Ritter there were many women who suffered from khaki fever, it is to his credit or discredit that Schenkopp took full advantage of this, much to the lamentation of Admiral Attenborough. Whatever his misdeeds in love his reputation as peerless and gallant soldier often overshadow his many vices. His daughter would never forgive him fully for what he did, but he died a hero so at least his Katerose cannot spit on his grave, not only because of the law but because Julian respected him. He remains an example to all would be Pyrates, setting forth a high standard for martial might and martial honor to cover up his infamy as a womanizing cheat. It is said that he once remarked that it was far better to be controversial than to be universally loathed, the monument to him in the Soldiers’ Memorial on Phezzan is testament to his successful use of controversy.

Chevauchee

While Guerre de course advocates a more opportunistic approach a Chevauchee is much more proactive in creating vulnerable women. Don’t let the polite name fool you, a Chevauchee is essentially a grand raid undertaken to loot or destroy everything in one’s path to undermine the local authority’s power in demonstrating that you are above them and beyond whatever justice they might try to mete out. It is by far the most brutal doctrine to ever be employed it is still worthy or study if only because we must acquaint ourselves with the darker side of courtship. In Chevauchee the practitioner simply destroys every resource that a woman might posses, her family, wealth, property, and any other means of support. The objective is to so damage a woman’s circumstances that a burning desire for revenge is lit. If the one who initiated the Chevauchee the impending assassination attempt will be botched and then the rest is easy as the woman is all but helpless before the law as any assassination attempt is by default Murder in the First Degree, which often carries a harsh penalty. The downside is that not all would be women assassins are of sound mental health by this stage and if they still had their mental faculties intact, the impending assassination might very well succeed. The methods of Chevauchee are indeed brutal and there is little room for mistakes. It is in effect a risky gamble one that might cost the practitioner dearly.

Noted Practitioners:

Allegedly out of context…

Oskar von Reuenthal (Legend of the Galactic Heroes) – Reuenthal had it all good looks, power, and the ability to charm women. However his ruthlessness in dealing with the hated Lichtenlade family was far from complete and carried unintended consequences. There was one survivor of that accursed house who did make an attempt on his life, but the former noble woman was no warrior and was easily overpowered. What crimes were committed that day are too awful to contemplate, but by morning the last survivor of the Lichtenlade family was with child. Flush with success Reunthal’s own ego was inflated to a staggering degree that he willingly fought against his Kaiser in his quest for more power. The crushing of Reuenthal’s Rebellion was characteristically harsh and it is often said that he paid the price for his misdeeds. Had Reinhard not been alive perhaps it would have been Reuenthal that would have been Kaiser, but the heterochromatic womanizer was no match to Kaiser Reinhard who was his complete opposite when it came to the art of courtship. One can only wonder what would have been the outcome had Reunthal’s ways been more gentlemanly and his ambition lessened (Note: I declare the Britannian experiment to be a complete and utter failure, thank goodness Reinhard was a better Kaiser).

Mahan

If at first you don’t succeed…

The idea of having one Decisive Date is often mistaken for the penultimate form of courtship, such is never the case as love at first sight more often than not only applies to a single party, in the case our concern the male’s. This is one method that is only for those who are certain of their feelings and are willing to endure many months if not years of hardship in getting their feelings across. Women are perfectly capable of being as dumb, and at times, dumber than men to the point that they cannot see the likable bloke next to them in favor of other less devoted and less savory suitors. As such those who adopt a Mahanian strategy should be prepared for a long campaign and be fully prepared for initial rejection and a long stalemate. There is of course the very real danger of holding everything in reserve in preparation for a Decisive Date that might never come, and even if there is one a botched attempt at a premature Decisive Date might entail irreplaceable loss of treasure and materiel from which any further expenditure of effort is futile. While Orange-kun talks of loyalty the amount of loyalty required for a Mahanian strategy makes the Lance of Britannia look like Benedict Arnold.

Noted Practitioners:

Hard to imagine that Patrick use to get rides from blonde chicks. Now look at him, after Katie had dinner with him he sprouted wings…

Patrick Colasour (Gundam 00) -  Often the butt of everyone’s jokes poor Patrick tried his hand at Guerre de course and gained quite a reputation to he chagrin of other skilled and straight pilots. Nevertheless upon suffering the backhanded blow of love he fell hard for a woman that was quite out of his league when it came to intelligence. It was his misfortune to have fallen for Katie, but to his fortune that he was the only one (until recently) to try. While outwardly good humored and obnoxious poor Patrick knew that he was no ace, but in Katie he found a woman who could make a man out of him. Despite being book dumb Patrick pledged his loyalty to the only person in the world who could accomplish such a feat. He gave up his old ways and made many grand gestures to his beloved Katie. Night after night he went to her house and professed his undying devotion and love, eventually she had to give in if only to get a night’s sleep. Even when parted, Patrick improved his piloting skills to become an A-laws gofer (gofer coffee and the like) to rejoin Katie in the field. Such devotion ingratiated himself to his beloved and made her think for once that he was serious and not merely an idiot, but an idiot that was very much in love. Seeing as how many women like to believe that they are smarter than the men they marry Patrick had enough sense to take full advantage of this. Not only was he finally attaining some martial renown, but now he no longer had to think as hard for himself, and with Katie his infamous stupidity was reduced threefold. While Patrick is rather thick, he did manage to gain a real chance at marrying way above himself; given that women always marry beneath them it is to his credit that he managed so wide a disparity.

The man who conquered a galaxy…

Reinhard von Lohengramm (Legend of the Galactic Heroes) – Kaiser Reinhard was undeniably a military genius whose ambition and intelligence forged the greatest empire the anime has ever known that spans a huge expanse of space. Despite his military achievements when it came to courtship Reinhard was as helpless as a quadriplegic in a swimming pool. One day Reinhard got uncharacteristically sad and a lass named Hildegrad von Mariendorf went to set him straight. One thing led to another and they spent the night. Upon waking up the Kaiser was clearly smitten and being a gentleman wished to take full responsibility for what had happened. Now mind you the Kaiser had no idea that Hilde was with child, but that hardly mattered to Reinhard whose first and tragically last experience in love compelled him to make Hilde his wife and Kaiserin. Unfortunately or fortunately for Reinhard, Hilde was not a woman of such loose morals and spurned his advances telling him that she would carry the child to term without him. All that was Reinhard the Admiral was lost in Reinhard the Suitor and while he could have taken her by using his authority as Kaiser, he did not. Instead after a long campaign and embarrassing himself before his men, who were quite certain that their handsome Kaiser was above dallying with women, Reinhard finally won Hilde’s consent to marry him. The lengths to which Reinhard went are astounding and the full story can only be told if one watches Legend of the Galactic Heroes, to be sure it was completely unexpected.

After lelangir poked holes into the notion of a team blog as being a team I started reading about pirates for 18th Century English Literature. Certainly even here at THAT and elsewhere we are not a finely tuned military machine (blog) that ensures the best cooperation between all arms (members). There are many things that prevent a team blog to have the sort of efficiency that allowed the Wehrmacht to roll over most of Europe with Blitzkrieg. Instead even in the digital age I suppose most collaborative efforts are marred by communication problems, be it time zone differences or generally that it takes us days to respond to requests. Even lelangir, espouser of teamwork, was hard to get a hold of for a marimite post. While I am sure that a higher level of team work might be achievable, the limitations imposed simply because generally each blogger has real life obligations that we can scarcely move beyond a loose coaltiion.  Just as Blitzkreig would have been impossible without the radio so too is the kind of professional teamwork seen in such places as say 1up beyond the reach of most team blogs simply because we have our own schedules. At most we can probably attain as sort of Wellington and Blucher dynamic rather than a Patton and Abrams.

Ideally I suppose every team blog or multi author blog would be organized along Prussian/German lines (because no matter what the Germans are notoriously efficient). There would be a General Staff that would have prepared piles of posts or ideas for posts that only needed a bit of fine tuning and a time stamp. Each team would be distinguished by the formal selection of its authors by intelligence and proven merit rather than élan, and the exhaustive and rigorously structured training which authors undertook. This training would be designed not only to weed out the less motivated candidates, but also to produce a body of writers with common methods and outlook (grammatical standards essentially with variation in diction and prose), and most importantly an almost monastic dedication to posting. That aside most responsibility would be delegated to each author in the field with resources and aid allocated as dictated by the needs of the post in question. The overall objective is to institutionalize the work (and perhaps genius) of those who came before, those who now serve, and those who have yet to come. In reality, there is no casual anime blog that even comes close to this nor are we in the business of declaring that “there can only be one” or other such nonsense. In order to be a team in the true sense every person on a blog has to become a cog in a machine with a specified role along with latitude given to field operatives who have the best assessment of a changing situation, otherwise you have micromanagement and that makes for a shitty command structure as the Syrians found out in 1973. (Note that this passage is not indicative of the views of THAT or in anyway a reflection of the collective prejudices of THAT, it is only a sorry excuse for me to rant about Germans in a manner most tangential)

While publicly there is probably little indication of combined effort, logistically (behind the scenes) there is much more team work to be seen, blogroll maintenance, checking e-mail, and for me what I dub Black Bag Operations and spam control (I am, after all, the NKVD here). Being part of a team means being able to get a second opinion on a post before publishing it, or otherwise fine tuning it a bit. It allows for extended leave by changing of the guard so to speak. Logistics aside generally speaking team blogs are not finely tuned posting machines that seek to steamroll over other blogs in campaigns of conquest. Besides not all of us are tech savy and choose to pool our efforts in order to avoid the ground work for setting up a blog with all the bobs and whistles.

Rather in terms of, for a lack of a better word, society I suppose bloggers are essentially pirates. Sure most of us have dabbled in copyright issues, but beyond that superficially at least we do share some traits with the likes of Black Bart and Calico Jack. You see pirates back in ye olde days were essentially social misfits who got sick of being beaten by ship masters in “respectable” occupations, and if you know anything about what life was like for the impressed sailors of the Royal Navy, one would conclude that it was not a decent living. Not to say that we have it as hard a life as those poor sea dogs, but given that we even discuss the merits of “adult” loli hentai as CP we don’t exactly fit in with the mainstream either. Still if you look at the code of conduct drawn up by one fellow by the name of Bartholomew Roberts (you may have heard of him), as listed here:

1. Every man shall have an equal vote in affairs of moment. He shall have an equal title to the fresh provisions or strong liquors at any time seized, and shall use them at pleasure unless a scarcity may make it necessary for the common good that a retrenchment may be voted.

2. Every man shall be called fairly in turn by the list on board of prizes, because over and above their proper share, they are allowed a shift of clothes. But if they defraud the company to the value of even one dollar in plate, jewels or money, they shall be marooned. If any man rob another he shall have his nose and ears slit, and be put ashore where he shall be sure to encounter hardships.

3. None shall game for money either with dice or cards.

4. The lights and candles should be put out at eight at night, and if any of the crew desire to drink after that hour they shall sit upon the open deck without lights.

5. Each man shall keep his piece, cutlass and pistols at all times clean and ready for action.

6. No boy or woman to be allowed amongst them. If any man shall be found seducing any of the latter sex and carrying her to sea in disguise he shall suffer death.

7. He that shall desert the ship or his quarters in time of battle shall be punished by death or marooning.

8. None shall strike another on board the ship, but every man’s quarrel shall be ended on shore by sword or pistol in this manner. At the word of command from the quartermaster, each man being previously placed back to back, shall turn and fire immediately. If any man do not, the quartermaster shall knock the piece out of his hand. If both miss their aim they shall take to their cutlasses, and he that draweth first blood shall be declared the victor.

9. No man shall talk of breaking up their way of living till each has a share of 1,000. Every man who shall become a cripple or lose a limb in the service shall have 800 pieces of eight from the common stock and for lesser hurts proportionately.

10. The captain and the quartermaster shall each receive two shares of a prize, the master gunner and boatswain, one and one half shares, all other officers one and one quarter, and private gentlemen of fortune one share each

11. The musicians shall have rest on the Sabbath Day only by right. On all other days by favor only.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate’s life for me
We pillage, we plunder we rifle and loot
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

You will see that like pirates, we bloggers of fortune are generally egalitarian in our decision making, in the case of THAT even Captain Impz is answerable to the rest of us and his authority derives out of common consent. Not that we ever had to deal with a mutiny or anything…Though I wish I could have acted as quartermaster for a duel or two. Otherwise this is a collaborative effort with each author contributing his/her time to write up a post. Sadly most of the articles laid forth by Roberts do not apply, seeing as we have no cutlasses or any of that cool jazz. Also we allow girls to be apart of these enterprises, and I’d like to believe that we are not in the habit of seducing children, but I suspect otherwise. Still for the most part organizationally we are spread out across the globe without any formal union. Like pirates we (and that includes single author blogs) often make loose alliances to raid (blog) series in concert and rob the ship masters (writers, directors, studio staff) of those blockaded (viewed) series of all their dignity or to see them off handsomely as perceived quality allows. Most importantly the ability for each of us to separate or retire is sacrosanct. So in many ways we share some similarity to pirates, we have little love of stratification, and value our own independence. The degree of desired independence will vary from person to person, not every one wants to be a free booter, despite the jokes of Impz’s Army and accusations that blogomerates are sucking up all the traffic, as in the age of sail we are all at the mercy of the winds of fortune. The only real advantage of being on a multi-author blog is the reduction of logistical difficulties, and perhaps mild feelings of camaraderie.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate’s life for me
We extort, we pilfer we filch and sack
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
Maraud and embezzle and even high-jack
Drink up me hearties yo ho

I don’t find lelangir’s entourage theory and venn diagrams to be entirely precise defining the author in relation to the reader, mostly because I think that the average reader is reading mostly because said reader is interested in the series being discussed, with any fondness for the author being secondary or even tertiary. After all like the Battle of Guadalajara there are many writers of fortune who see the same thing but each can derive an all together different conclusions. Just as the French and Russians felt that the problem with the Italian Mechanized Warfare was deficiencies in the concept of mechanized warfare, where as the Germans felt that the problem was deficiencies in Italians; we the audience can at the same time give a standing ovation or merely hurl rotten tomatoes. The reader themselves can decide what to make of an episode, their participation is by and large voluntary and have no need to visit a blog instead of heading off to a forum. The same loosely applies to the editorial as the issue might be the same, but the conclusions might vary wildly. As such I don’t read all of IKnight’s posts since his delving in mecha have brought out stuff older than me or series I have never even heard of, I read only on things that I can somewhat relate to. I don’t read all of lelangir’s editorials because he uses technical language that is beyond my peasant comprehension just as I suspect most of you will know nothing of Waterloo, the Prussian General Staff, the Spanish Civil War, or the Golden Age of Piracy. In the end maybe it’s not fondness for a writer’s style that appeals to the average reader but love for a series and then discriminating from there. Maybe like the general public readers take interest simply based on the notoriety of the writer of fortune in question, after all Omni is usually at the tip of the spear so naturally we go to RC for spoilers since many do not speak moon. There are other ways of achieveing noteriety of course…

Personally I don’t think people read my posts because they like tl;dr posts, rather they simply like Gundam 00, Ture Tears, and Macross Frontier. Maybe my notoriety derives from being the only one who actually liked Alto-hime, or perhaps I am the only one who is openly sick in the head (Hell my date of enlistment was in 2004, anyone who knows anything about world events knows what connotations that might carry), perhaps that is why the wandering minstrel lelangir has declared me a test subject and marked me for observation. Since there is some mild hostility to the term blogosphere, I propose that we rename it Pirate Helltown (Mos Eisley or some other hive of scum and villainy would also do), blogs become ships, and bloggers become writers of fortune. Besides finding innovative ways to spend huge amounts of money in a short period of time was also a pirate trait as was the perpetual search for loot.

lelangir’s take

As for these “team posts”, they are admittedly in an experimental phase. It is certain that the format needs refinement, as there are communication problems within the GATTAI post. But from the three I have done, they have been wonderfully productive for the authors, though, as Crusader mentions, a post being productive for the reader is just as or more important.

In the end, this nascent idea of “teamwork” needs refinement and expansion, not abandonment.

So yeah I need to upgrade my apartment security to something like this…

So while the Israelis and Palestinians were bringing in the New Year with a bang to say the least, found to my mild amusement that I had the wondrous experience of being robbed. Thankfully the thieves who broke in were very polite in putting back their point of entry back together. While the local police can’t be bothered on the weekend so a full police report will have to wait, taking a short inventory of what was actually stolen I am surprised that the list is very short considering they could have walked away with a lot more. I confess this is an odd way to mark my first post of 2009, but being nuts and cynical I admit I am pleasantly surprised that all things considered me and my room mate got off easy.

Indeed…The thieves took Psychonauts but not Metal Slug, I guess they had taste.

Short list of what the gentleman thieves took were one Xbox 360 Launch Unit, Call of Duty 4, a sweater, three textbooks (out of date), a pair of shoes, $5 in quarters, and here’s the kicker Psychonauts. What they failed to take were two check books, my CPU, and five externals, my LCD Monitor, my speaker system, a shit ton of manga, almost my entire painted portion of my Tau Army, LOTR Army, half of my BFG fleet, High Elf Army, my entire figure collection, the alcohol I had left, all of my SHnY CDs, anything from the pantry, 5 paintball guns, and Metal Slug. I am not sure if the thieves were just being polite or what ever but seeing as how they tried to pull one of the externals I suppose my policy of wire tying every cable (though I confess the tangle of wires is still daunting) to the desk made for a more aggravating proposition to the point they left my CPU and external hard drives alone. Otherwise I suppose they weren’t into animu or war gaming considering my books on military history were left behind. While my roommate lost all his laundry money, because I was too lazy to peel off the label on my change jar it was completely over looked.

All in all it could have been much worse than it was given that there was a spate of break-ins at the apartment complex during the break. Still I am pleasantly surprised that all they really walked away with was a Xbox 360 Launch Unit that will be RRoDed sometime this year losing four wireless controllers is a bit of a bummer but one was already broken. The bothersome part is mostly filing the police report, and then having to tell the secret squirrel society (OPSEC) guys that thieves might have taken a look at some personal military documents (nothing important really old sets of orders for the most part). Considering how bad it could have been I am a bit glad all the most significant item they took was a 360 Launch Unit. I suppose if they were hardcore enough to take Psyconauts but leave Metal Slug behind that in the end my apartment was hardly worth breaking into, considering how obvious it would have been for them to discover to their utter horror that it was a Launch Unit and not a Zephyr or Jasper build 360. It sucks that we were robbed, but in the end it’s mildly amusing they only took so little and had the courtesy of putting the window back into place. Considering how we had window locks and only maintenance guys and veteran thieves could have known how to pop the windows open I suppose if that is all they took that we were in a sense a waste of time.

What else can you do really?