While there are many damsels in distress there are few damsels like Alphard. However any lass can become an ojou-sama from a distinguished family that has been continued for a thousand years, skilled in both literary and military arts,  with wit and beauty, the intensity of summer, the grace of autumn, the pride of winter, and the gentleness of spring…all it takes is effort. (Thanks to Kabitzin for letting me use his photoshops)

So since Hinano raged once again about lasses who could not save themselves I thought it was time to write the manual to help young otome everywhere learn how to look out for themselves. Certainly these days males have increasingly taken the hippie path and cower in fear at the mere thought of being drafted, some go as far as draft dodging before a draft begins, so as the not all males are men, as men do no cower and have a sense of duty to some one or something other than their own personal safety. I suppose with this hippie path that male pissants increasingly take, that it is time to make up for the shortfall and make comrades out of those women who have no desire to be coddled or held back by male puss cakes. While there is much talk of love being the highest relationship between human beings nothing could be further from the truth as comrades are in every way superior to boyfriends or girlfriends (who are by all accounts prone to treachery). The bond between two comrades can only be forged in the fires of battle, sealed through mutual bloodshed, and is guarded by the souls of the dead. Perish the fool who would dare betray such a bond!

The first thing that every lass who wants to be bad ass needs to do is take a bit of advice from the Jackal who once stated that, “You can’t break a man the way you break a dog or a horse. The harder you beat a man the taller he stands. To break a man’s will, to break his spirit, you have to break his mind. You see boys have this idea that we can fight with dignity. That there is a proper way to kill someone, it’s absurd it’s an aesthetic. We need to endure the bloody horror of murder? You must destroy this idea, show them what messy terrible thing it is to kill a man, and show them that you relish in it. Shoot to wound and then execute the wounded, burn them. Take them in close combat, destroy their preconceptions of what a man is and you become their personal monster. When they fear you, you become stronger, you become better, but let’s never forget that it’s just a display, a posture like a lion’s roar or a gorilla thumping at it’s chest. If you lose yourself in the display, if you succumb to the horror you become the monster. You become reduced not more than a man but less and it can be fatal.” If you can accept this much then it is well worth taking notes from the Great Prince Alphard who is pretty much the Queen of Summer as she has no equal. Unlike Hinano I do not discriminate and welcome any lass that is strong with the yuri to become bad ass and beautiful at the same time, only such people can be esteemed comrades.

You don’t have to be a damsel in distress to get BEST END, it’s less about finding some poncy prince than demonstrating your superiority long enough for other people to realize how great you are.

It is indeed a sad state of affairs that the damsel in distress has become so annoyingly common, but until Japanese women decide that enough is enough and they ditch their inferior men it seems that they will continue to fantasize about getting rescued. In truth such people will wait in vain and never know of the proper way of getting a partner. The problem is not only damsels in distress but also the low quality of boys that pass themselves off as men. It is sad that there are so many jack asses in anime and only a few like Patrick. While poor Patrick isn’t the smartest guy out there, only the AEU no Ace happened upon true love. His contemporaries however were very much a Japanese sort in that in order to remain manly they opted to make their women more oppressed to make up for their sissy girly man ways:  Saji downgraded Louise, Anew chose death rather than be with Lyle, and Haptism banished Soma to get his little play thing. If only more guys were like Patrick, who could respect the fact that marrying above them was a good thing, and admit that because they aren’t good at everything they need to find a woman who will make up for their short comings. At least God made it clear that Patrick got it right when poor Patrick got the BEST END and married the only woman of quality left in the series. Not that Kati got the short end of the deal either as she was in the enviable position of having a brave, if a bit dumb, man for a husband, whose loyalty is absolute and has no problem deferring to her judgment. Patrick also treats her like a queen and no matter what she did to him he always loves her and forgives just about everything. So in a sense after having spent most of her time on her illustrious career (Making Brigadier General is no small feat) she got BEST END too as her rival Sumeragi wasted her time chasing boys and got strapped with he stalker Billy. So at least there are instances of women finding guys without having to call out for rescue every five minutes, strangely though it happened in Gundam of all places instead of shoujo.

Never get caught in an alley without a pistol.

To be sure girls needing rescue is a persistent problem, in reality and in fiction, and the same solution comes up every time…weaponry. First thing every lass needs is a pistol, it’s the great equalizer and with proper training and enough range time, accuracy can make up for the small size of the round. Even a big man can be felled with a single accurate shot. However, I advise against simply settling for head shot (because that is just showing off), no instead use the three round rule, one in the head, and two in the heart. It is highly advisable that any aspiring bad ass lass should take a page from the reigning Queen of the Summer Season, Alphard onee-sama. Alphard has excellent choice in weaponry as she started out with the FN P-90 and eventually settled on the FN Five-Seven, every girl who wants to kick ass and take names should take note. Not only did Alphard go with a good reputable manufacturer but in choosing the 5.7×28mm rounds she selected a round with high muzzle velocity and low recoil, which is perfect for her desire to kill her target and have bad ass aim at the same time. The 5.7×28mm was also designed to punch through body armor so if Alphard ever has to fight an armored target at least she has a better chance than if she simply chose a 9mm. Given that the average girl who wants to be bad ass but not be built like a house, a .45 might give a bit too much recoil and Desert Eagle, while great for intimidation, is simply over kill and will probably destroy your accuracy if your intention is to get off as many rounds in the shortest span of time. Those who would do a woman harm often underestimate their targets if you have chosen your weapon well and have diligently gone to the tactical range as often as possible, you can make this their first and last mistake…

While understandably not all women who wish to be bad ass have access to legal weapons, but that is all the more reason to support one’s rights to bear arms. Even if an assailant were to have a weapon of his own so long as you have superior training and more lethal aim and killer intent you will be victorious as little boys often forget to take care of their weapons and usually have shit taste in guns. In any case lack of fire arms is no excuse for defeat, as tazers, pepper spray, Gerber knives, and your fists are usually legal unless your country just flat out sucks that much, in which case you ought to consider moving to a place where you can have an arsenal that can put the fear in any would be attacker.

While the FN Five-Seven is Alphard’s weapon of choice all those 5.7×28mm rounds she has work perfectly well with her FN P-90 when she needs to kill lots of poncy princes on horses.

I’ll be honest women have it hard, if you want to have that nice figure you are going to have to work your ass off in aerobics class. However looking gorgeous, delicious, and deculture, while being able to kick ass are not inherently incompatible. If you are of the opinion that you cannot look good and kick ass at the same time, you have self esteem issues and are fucking lazy and worthless to me and everyone else. In short such people are unwilling to be any comrade of mine and as a result will be dragged off to some loser’s bed in the event of war. No you can look good and kick losers into traffic by simply adding a few things to your daily workout. More likely than not you weren’t born pretty, you had to work for your waist line and as such you are probably more fit than most boys your age, in fact if you are a dancer you are by default more athletic than most people, only American Football players come anywhere near close in overall fitness. In line with this Alphard does have her own womanly charm, but despite her seemingly light build she has a lot of muscle mass behind it. Just like Bruce Lee it is not about how much brute force you can put out, but how good you are at economy of force. Like Alphard Bruce Lee was not built like a house, but he used his knowledge of human physiology to get the most out of every physical action. To be sure if you are capable of two finger push ups and the dreaded one inch punch you are a force to reckoned with, but more than likely you have yet to have such lethal skills, but nevertheless economy of force is important as one smart blow to the right weak point can have catastrophic effects on an opponent. Even in cases of disparity in strength redirection techniques like the ones you see in Aikido should suitably frustrate a single attacker until you can land the final blow. Always remember that Muhammad Ali did not simply say fly like a butterfly and sting like a bee for shits and giggles, even in boxing it’s about economy of force and not wasting your power attacks fruitlessly.

Just because Alphard was ambushed while wearing a dress didn’t mean that she was going to surrender meekly, that is why she is Damsel Dealing Death and not a Damsel in Distress.

Lastly there is the issue of what noble steed you should have. Certainly it seems that losers on horses are a dime a dozen, but fundamentally a horse is just as logistically troublesome as a tank. So instead of having a horse that is to be frank very fragile, it is far better to go with a tank or if technology allows mecha. At no point in time did a horse ever trump a big bad mecha, only in the case of Fuunsaiki, though admittedly the lose of being a horse was negated by being a horse that piloted a horse mecha. Nevertheless a guy on a horse with a lance is not going to do much against anything save for ill-disciplined infantry or unarmed people. Thus one should take up archery not only to look more like a lady, but to also be able to shoot out the horse from under the douche bag that calls himself a prince, that way you can possibly hear the clean snap of his neck as he tumbles to his doom While aesthetically archery seems much more refined and cultured do no skimp on sniper skills either as even a Barrett M82 is only deadly when it actually hits a target and no living animal on land can survive a direct hit with a .50 calibre round for very long. Even if death is not instantaneous you can enjoy watching the would be prince bleed out slowly as he calls for his mommy.

While Alphard has a petite build she has very little body fat and can thus deliver blows with more force than her small frame would suggest as one can see from the state of Canaan’s face.

While your martial prowess can far exceed that of any would be assailant never forget that such people will resort to dirty tricks to incapacitate you, so always have a battle buddy that you can count on when going out, keep positive control of your drink, and if that annoying guy asks one too many times break a few of his fingers as a warning. Remember you are the first line of defense in rescuing yourself, and to be sure if you will not do all you can to save yourself you probably aren’t worth saving and deserve to be a slave to some poncy prince. Never forget that a damsel in distress is probably a damsel deserving of death.

Ah memories…

Well about two months ago back in April I should have marked my 2nd blog anniversary but things have not really been normal to say the least. Well I suppose that this post will at least mark the start of my terrible twos in which case quality will plummet as will output (Mwahahahaha). I started the year off by getting my apartment broken into and making E-5. Now that my academic career is at an end it basically fell upon me to make good on my newfound responsibilities at work, which meant having a whacked out schedule of extended hyperactivity every now in then. In July it will be a brutal month as I get to fly to Virginia twice in the same month to the same place, knowing what I know now it basically means four or more red eye flights unless the paper work goes over well. Still I do get to make the traditional after graduation road trip, and hopefully that will be a bit more interesting than the usual. While summer looks to be a hit or a miss at least there is the promise of the Macross Movie (Which will be Gorgeous Delicious DECULCHA!). So here goes the mandatory late as hell rant I am supposed to do at the end of every blog year, which is conversely an opportunity to muse aimlessly in a futile effort to put together a post.

Oh Mazinger Z how I lament that your tale is shrouded in obscurity.

While Impz might have gone from gun monkey to desk jockey in the Singaporean Corps of Conscripts, I haven’t earned the right to chain myself to a desk just yet, to be perfectly honest I am finding just how magical a time being an E-5 is. I get the headaches of an E-6, and the physical exhaustion of being an E-4, but at least I do get a little extra here and there and most importantly I am still low enough on the great totem pole to evade responsibility. I also just lost my other half (partner in crime/co-worker) so I get to have twice the work load until I finish training the E-4, but at least she’s a good learner and I don’t have to baby sit an E-3 with “issues.” All in all I am edging towards the point that I might end up as exhausted as Zeon. I suppose this comes with the territory as I suspect that most bloggers are students rather than overworked soldaten, certainly there will probably come a point where the number of posts per week simply declines.

Also now that college is over and done with I actually got back into my other hobbies, and oddly enough while I have some issues with Valkyria the anime I still love the game to pieces to the point I actually want to do my Imperial Guard in Gallain colors and find some local saint who does resin casting for female Cadians/Kasrkin because I must have a model to represent Jane “Kill ‘em All” Turner (hey if anyone knows one drop a line). It also saddens me that there is very little enthusiasm for Shin Mazinger Z, but I suppose it might be time to bring out the reserves of stuff I have been meaning to watch but haven’t, Guin Saga, Eden of the East, etc. I still need to settle for a format on doing VOTOMS since condensing it into one post per arc would make it tl;dr, not that I think too many people are interested in going back in time to see what mecha was before yaoi, cowards, harem, and idiot soapbox preaching started taking hold.

I suppose it has been good going for the last two years plus some, but it has been a long time since I actually watched a shoujo series since Skip Beat! ended, though I am hoping there will be a point where the anime starts up again. Still the manga is still running along smoothly so it partially makes up for it. I suppose I am growing old if it’s becoming more fun to reminisce about the old days. If nothing else at least when Gundam 00 aired I could placate myself with the additional activity of praising the Immortal Colasour and his marrying above him. Well so far it’s been a good run even if productivity has slackened as of late. I hope that there will be a series that I will genuinely love to pieces that I can put into words come summer. As much as I like Shin Mazinger Z it’s pretty simple and I suppose very niche these days as it lacks modern aspects of mecha. Valkyria is turning out to be a re-interpretation of the game storyline that I don’t find terribly agreeable but it was always meant to be a festival of mediocrity that only fans of the game would stick with to the bitter end. Ah well with a Gundam Unicorn Movie due out within my life time and the promise of a Macross Frontier Movie with 70% redone animation I guess there is much to look forward to. So as a extremely premature celebration of a Macross Frontier largely free of QUALITY animation IMAGE DUMP GO!

There is a correlation…

Gundam 00 is modern in the past they would have thought searching for the Holy Grail, would have been a great idea…if only they’d taken God up on it.

Since it seems that IKnight’s post seems to have sparked a spate of discussion on Gundam 00 I might as well add more fuel to it. Omo wrote a post about how Gundam 00’s world is similar to our own world, in a sense he is somewhat right and some what off. Omo’s theory that it is a sort of Japanese view on the post 9/11 world it inevitably means that it offers a critique of American foreign policy and how the dynamics of politics have shifted. To be sure much of it might seem new, but Al Qaida did not show up over night and preemptive strike has been used before. Omo suggests that the War on Terror and the War against Communism are two very different things, but I don’t entirely agree with that for a number of reasons.  Moreover I find omo’s idea that we are crediting an invisible enemy that is neither here nor there, something that can’t be grappled and zapped to be misleading and to be frank false. To be fair omo and I probably sit on opposite sides of the fence on the issue. I stand to lose far more than omo does and that alone will certainly color my perception of reality as it will inevitably be through a lens of conflict. I disagree with the idea that you need to be an “innocent” civilian to understand peace, I may know more about killing than I do about living vis a vis civilians like omo, but that doesn’t mean that one can’t fully appreciate the concept of peace.

Just because Jihad-kun can wear a disguise, doesn’t mean he can use moon prism power.

I think that the current enemy is very human and is limited to what humans can actually do, what omo suggests, though unintentionally, amounts to the Grand Jihad-kun of al Qaida and his peon Jihad-kuns having supernatural powers that they are invisible and can strike at will. I am sure that the enemy would like to be able to masquerade as anyone, but they are no Stasi nor are they Cylons they’re not there yet the fact that they have had a couple anniversaries to snag a second victory and yet nothing has occurred in that time might well mean that they are not everywhere. They are human they can be hunted down run down and zapped for good measure, there is nothing superhuman about them. The Jihad-kuns we face have a physical vessel only that in the rugged terrain of Afghanistan and the issue of Pakistani sovereignty makes the task more difficult coupled with the challenges of having finite man power, finite money, and fickle public will. Like the War against Communism this conflict is seemingly one of ideology only that this isn’t a war between nation states per-se but is one of national/cultural wills. The enemy is human he can be killed, and unlike in Gundam 00 where the terrorists are mostly human, but can’t be killed that only holds true if reality were dictated by Sunrise. My enemy was not born to kill, the Grand Jihad-kun himself was born wealthy and peaceable, and he also had youthful transgressions of his own, but essentially in more ways than one believe it or not Grand Jihad-kun was once average. Like Setsuna he made a conscious decision to kill, neither came out of the womb blasting everything in sight shouting Gundam or something similar What drove him to do what he did I don’t understand nor do most within the US military really want to understand much about the Grand Jihad-kun other than how much lead it will take to kill him before old age does. The face of violence is and has always been human, 9/11 did not change that it simply made the public aware of another kind of enemy; one that had largely been ignored, but had been in existence for some time. Lastly the Jihad-kuns of the world aren’t the only face of violence in this century, as there are other ongoing conflicts across the globe.

There is a place for violence certainly it would fit the situation above.

While the term neo-conservatism is one that makes omo uncomfortable and suspicious of my sanity, if we are to discuss Gundam 00 as a view of the post 9/11 world then it is impossible to avoid the issue given how it had shaped American foreign policy. I can understand how omo would prefer to avoid the term given the acrimony and the viciousness that flew around the interwebs during the last administration, but to that I think we need to face what it is without flinching or shrinking from the subject. As Gundam 00 and Gundam SEED were post 9/11 Gundams certainly they felt the need to deal with it too as both were on some level a critique of  American Foreign Policy as they saw it. What it was the is idea that American military power had to be selectively maintained through their weapons procurement program, in order to create a peaceful world abroad and to fight extremism through the planting of democracy (along with capitalism) and the confrontation of enemies abroad. If we boil it down that is precisely what CB was trying to achieve along with Kataron the use of force to build a better world by using military intervention and violent methods to confront enemies like Ribbons, and plant their version of responsible government (or regime change) to ensure a more peaceful world. The goals might be different, but the methods and the justification of violence is similar, the only difference being perhaps the question of when to use violence, for CB and Kataron it was pretty much all the time. For Kataron because they had nothing for free they fought and killed for what they through was the solar energy that they were entitled to, it wasn’t about bargaining to get a fair price and that certainly carries some socialist overtones (which is more or less in line because the movement did start out as a defection of New Dealers so the story goes).

Certainly I think having a more benign ambition made Patrick the only real hero in Gundam 00 pilot pool.

I think that omo falls into the trap that many people who hope for peace when he ascribes GAR and cool to what CB was fighting for, in short he romanticized their violence. If Setsuna wanted a world where people like him would no longer be victimized he’d be better off slaughtering the entire human race, as free will essentially means that the average person has the capacity to screw over his fellow man. Tieria fighting for a future is pointless as humanity will always have a future one way or another so long as there are people, and given the current problems of our world I have doubts that war is the gravest threat facing humanity. Sumeragi doing it for herself and her ideals is what every revolutionary does the thing we often forget when thinking about revolution though are the ones that ended badly. I think Gundam 00 does romanticize the notion of a just terrorist, which undermines any message of peace just as much as it undermines any anti-war message. While Kataron did target civilians that was glossed over for a good vs. evil dynamic, which is sort of how the far right and to an extent the far left sees things anyways. On the face of it Jihad-kun and his friends did not reject the principles of that brand of foreign policy, and if omo’s assertion that the “terrorist were right” holds then that right is much more monstrous than I think most people would recognize. The CB path for peace certainly isn’t one I think of as practical, certainly wishful, but definitely idiotic in regards to finite strategic assets, though with GN Pixie Dust I guess it’s admissible.

War takes you to strange places, I doubt Katie or Patrick could have imagined that this was fated.

I think that it is a matter of interpretation whether or not war is an extension of peace or peace is the temporary absence of war. Certainly the more notable parts of human history are punctuated by war, as there was a Hundred Years War, but not a true Hundred Years Peace. Not Pax Romana, Pax Mongolica, Pax Britannica, or any of the other Paxes were without conflict. I think if Gundam 00 were truly about peace it would deal with the problems of reconciliation, reconstruction, over coming cultural differences, building consensus among a large and diverse group, and the pains of societal change; I don’t think there is much of that in Gundam 00. While there was talk of change there wasn’t that much of a fundamental change within the characters in terms of goals. Everyone wants peace, but the general quibble is on whose terms it will be. Certainly the Grand Jihad-kun of our world wants peace, but his peace probably involves a lot of dead Jews, Christians, atheists, Sunnis, and Shia, no Israel, and one Caliphate that rules over a world population consisting of Sunnis, but not any kind of Sunni his kind of Sunni. Then there are those who disagree with that kind of peace, hence there will be war. If there is a message of peace in Gundam 00 I think that it is fairly weak and on a shaky foundation when it is surrounded by all that sexy violence. Marina did not bring peace to Azadistan, she just showed up in the end to give a speech while the violence magically disappeared through GN Pixie dust. Certainly if peace attained through the CB way were possible we’d already have achieved it long ago. That’s where I think that most allegedly anti-war and pro-peace fictional works fail, the act of war itself is easier than peace. That winning a war is easier than maintaining a peace, and try as one might the seductiveness of violence as a means doesn’t lose its luster. Touting peace is good is easy and pretty much a given no matter who you ask, but again if peace were a theme I’d certainly expect a bit more on the problems of building it and maintaining it, rather than it be the end result of killing the big bad.

There are some leaders who won’t even let their starving impoverished populace eat cake…democracy fail.

Mass communication will not bring peace since even while the peon Jihad-kuns of our world use the same internet we are still embroiled in violent disagreement. Democracy might be a means to peace but if you really think about it democracy doesn’t always work, it has failed before and there will be failures of democracy in the future no matter what. Electing Hilrod 00 and casting aside 00bama will not really change all that much in the grand scheme of things. Nevertheless democracy is touted as a the thing that will bring peace, not only because of the grand assumption that we can all peaceably come to a compromise all the time, but also because authoritarianism simply cannot last and is very bad. Fact is Stalin was never deposed, Mao was never deposed, and Mugabe has yet to be and may never be deposed, so if certain requirements are met an autocrat can stay in power for a very long time. Certainly Napoleon, Louis XIII of France, Charles XII of Sweden, and Peter the Great of Russia were not very democratic but they did lead their nations to a pinnacle of power, which was largely supported. Greater awareness on the part of Saji and Air Head Louise will not bring peace because while there is much talk of Darfur there is no action on Darfur. Having an all powerful group of people threatening every one with destruction will not bring peace as even with enough American and Russian nuclear warheads to blow us all to hell twice or thrice over, there is no general desire to behave. Even in his post omo doesn’t talk much of peace but he certainly talks much of war and conflict. Nevertheless GN Pixie dust mediated communication as the vehicle of peace theme essentially means magic will bring us peace, and if that is the case then the peace theme of Gundam 00 is rather lacking. Even with the aliens thing, if there is intelligent life out there I bet they are smart enough to never make contact with a species such as ours, unless they are the Combine.

Unless you pilot a Megadeus, YE GUILTY.

Omo is right about one thing though, the rejection of service to a nation state in favor of oneself, Jihad-kun, Lyle, Sumeragi, and the gang are waging war for their own satisfaction. In a sense it might be modern to reject one’s society in favor of one’s own desires and wishes. In a fictitious world where there is GN Magic that might be okay, but fundamentally I think that sort of mentality is no less dangerous than any other mentality used to wage war, because in the end you are still killing people only with the CB mentality it is for your own satisfaction and the only accountability is to yourself. That may sound good, but then you have to realize that not all people are responsible. I don’t think the problem is government, but rather people.

Tl;dr Omo you’re not an innocent civilian because those taxes you should have paid also go to DoD. Even if you didn’t pay your taxes you certainly are guilty of tax evasion.

PS Sorry excuse to post Katie and Patrick Wedding Fan art and Mugabe with cake.

Long has Patrick dreamed of this day…

Fellow Earth Federation citizens! I appeal to you all. Celestial Being is exhausted! It is low on troops! Low on ships, weapons, and even ammunition! Why then should we surrender? Dear fellow citizens, our true enemy is no longer Celestial Being but our own weak leaders. Hiding behind some notion of “absolute democracy”, they are reduced to absolute indecision. Why should we the survivors of this horrible war, entrust them with the power to make decisions for us!?

How can we forget the arrogance of Saji, when she usurped power in Proud? He claimed that the people of Celestial Being are a “chosen people”. That we of the Earth Federation are hidebound by archaic ways of thinking, and incapable of realizing the new potential for an expanded human consciousness in outer space. That there is no need for the people of Celestial Being to obey an “Earth Federation” run by outmodeled human relics! Well, even though I am a member of our armed forces, I have to admit that if Saji was referring to our corrupt Earth Federation bureaucrats, he was correct.

But, fellow citizens, we must not be deceived by Saji simply because part of what he says is true. Proud may be the Side farthest away from Earth, but that is no reason to believe its leader’s prattle about communing with the universe!

Saji Crossroad must not be allowed to justify his vision of Innovation because of corruption in one part of our Federation. His words are the dogma of a man plotting a dynasty of Crossroad dictators on Proud. Even if we recognize the existence of the Proud dictatorship, that in no sense means we must also sink to our knees before it! The Earth Federation is a government, founded on the premise of sovereign individual rights. Mankind was able to advance into outer space as a result of the Federation government, which is itself a crystallization of all mankind’s accumulated knowledge and experience.

Now, Saji’s lover, Jihad-kun, says it is the weak and inept Earth Federation itself that must be destroyed! Well, let him go ahead and try. Strike at the heart of our weakness! But what right does he — who slaughtered four billion innocent people — have to strike such a righteous pose?

Jihad-kun tells us that mankind has violated the laws of nature by reproducing more than any other species. He tells us that mankind’s population growth must be managed, because mankind must learn to inhabit the universe in harmony with nature. He tells us that the death of four billion people was merely expiation for our past sins against nature.

Is Jihad-kun mad? No! Jihad-kun is a despot trying to exterminate the very source of life that has supported and nurtured him. We, of the Federation, shall never comprehend the monstrosity of his actions.

And now Jihad-kun threatens to crash Ptolemy II onto Earth unless we surrender to him. What basis does he have for his demand?! Is he in possession of some sort of absolute truth? No! He possesses nothing more than his own demented dogma. Is the entire Federation completely enfeebled, corrupt, and degenerate? Again, the answer is no. Many good, capable citizens have fought bravely against the threat from Zeon, and we are still strong and alive!! So, then, does CB actually possess military superiority over the Federation? Again, the answer is NO!

Fellow citizens, listen to what I say! Jihad-kun’s threats are a mere bluff. Unworthy as I am of my good fortune, Patrick was captured rather than killed by CB forces, and thus was afforded the opportunity to see Proud first-hand. I therefore can assure you that the people of CB are exhausted, and there is no way they can possibly strengthen their forces enough to carry out their threats. So I say to you, Jihad-kun, if you think you can send Ptolemy II crashing to Earth, well then, go ahead and try!

CB’s strength was expended in the Battle of Loum. There is no way they can create soldiers overnight, and Jihad-kun knows it. I therefore appeal to all the citizens of the Earth Federation, to each and every one of you. CB is exhausted! Now is not the time for us to kneel before CB. It is time for us to rise! Now, more than ever, is our chance to defeat CB! – Hillrod 00

I accept Ribbons as my personal savior.

Truth is God probably thinks like this, of all God’s children we are the worst.

Eat your heart out Kai.

Long story short Exia (because they were saving it for something important) downs RX-78 putting an end to an era and signaling the death of Gundam as I knew it. Nobody dies as Tieria cosplays as Lalah Sune scaring the shit out of Dark Amuro who had the most kick ass Guncannon ever built. Still as no innovadoes were harmed in the filming of Gundam 00 they all were resurrected just in time for Jihad-kun and friends to go off to fight aliens as Saji and Air-head Louise wax philosophical. Homer commits Hara-kiri like a true samurai while Bob sissied out to bang Billy once more. It seems that after all that trouble all Billy got was a lame picture as Lasses leered at him as Lasse was Sumeragi’s favorite vibrator. Lyle goes to weep over the graves of his family as Prince Ali laughs mightily from the heavens at the shit poem Lyle composed for Anew, who by the way didn’t die and simply ran off to I don’t give a shit anymore. Andrei doesn’t get his comeuppance, while Marie and Haptism go off on a backpacking trip in Europe. Kataron gets political power after launching a coup against Obama and installing Hilary Clinton in his place. Patrick proves just how invincible he is by coming back to marry Katie who finally put on her first star as a Brigadier General of the Earth Federation. Princess Poverty finally decides to force the fat Seelian kid to lose some weight as she starts a new regime to take all the credit from the Feddies who cleaned up her shitty little country. The big surprise was apparently a Gundam 00 movie for 2010 for massive edits and super long time skips, I just thought that this was shitty simply because that means 0081 is only on PS3.

Last Minute shipping…check.

Master Gundam is that you? Please use you Master Cloth…and a Choukyuu Haou Den’eidan with some Juuni Ouhouhai you know just for old time’s sake.

O RLY?

Impression/Final Thoughts:

So yeah it was pretty but in the end the initial premise was all but forgotten as things were dumbed down to the same moralistic platitudes we have all seen before. Since Sunrise is clearly anti-Obama they don’t believe in change and opted for some idiot drivel that is spoon fed to children and teenagers, just like they opted for Hilary.  The fundamental problem was that none of the good guys died and hence I found it difficult to sympathize with them since they were never in mortal danger for very long because of the Trans-Am hack which really did turn the shit factor up to eleven at times. In the end every one got it and it made the fights rather boring at times with cool poses and turning red. Even when they were talking about taking responsibility Haptism and Marie went backpacking which wasn’t as much in the way of atonement, Andrei gets a free pass for all that he’s done, Jihad-kun and friends are never tried, and Klaus gets a seat in congress for supporting Hilary, while the Azadistani are so stupid they welcome back Princess Poverty and her over fed children with open arms. Suffice to say logic and zero sum game went out the window for some bullshit about all we need to do is talk for peace. Understandably for a jaded Gundam vet who gets to visit shitty places around the globe this would not have been the Gundam series for my demographic, hell or even the older than 18 category. If you are young and have never seen the glory that was UC I can see how this would be more to your tastes, still I am old so I wouldn’t really know. It’s a step up from SEED and if that was you Gateway Gundam then more power to you, for the foreseeable the SEED generation is who Sunrise wishes to cater to for the time being.

Puny super soldier is no match for Hi Nu’s might…

Haptism was still rather newbish…

Lyle’s cooking MC’s like a pound of bacon.

What I did like though was the outside of the heroic whining and bitching that the minor characters were fairly decent, Sergei wasn’t perfect, but he did try to do things right. Patrick was the lovable inoffensive survivor who simply made all the SRSFKN business guys rage at how he was a nuisance so he scores points in my book for giving Lockon Fans a hard time by blinding Neil. Prince Ali was great until he was laid low by an ungodly amount of hax which Lyle seemed to get more than his fair share of, but again I suppose there are those who would willing sacrifice tight story telling for cool super speshul Trans-Am effects. Ginin was simply Mr. Zero Bullshit, and Darth Louise was a high point since she was the only one I could sympathize with. Sure revenge is bad (or at least that is what Sunrise would have us believe) but ultimately it made her more human as revenge is a very real human desire, I could not give any of a less of a damn whether it is right or wrong because fundamentally justice is a form of revenge. Katie earned her flag rank as she tried to impart some tactical thinking into the series even if it was all for nothing with Trans-Am. At least she did well in life, made general, got decent employment, and married a guy four years her junior who by all accounts will always be faithful. Oddly enough Katie was at her prettiest for this episode, and her wedding to Lucky Colasour was the ideal I am sure most of us would aspire to. It was a prefect wedding, no Andrei, no Billy, no Sumeragi, the groom was handsome, and the bride was beautiful. I suppose we have Patrick to thank for wanting to go traditional since he seems to have done all of the leg work had it been Katie it may well have been in uniform with a military chaplain, suffice to say Patrick some how talked Katie in to going strapless which I highly approve of.

Oh FUCK…

You’re not Lalah…

Hell YEAH Ribbons broke out with a DRILL WOOOOOOO…oh wait…

What Gundam 00 did have was a very strong middle, the beginning was slow but held a lot a promise, but he end was a near total betrayal once things were dumbed down, the Gagas were just icing. Honestly simply talking isn’t going to solve anything, and I am rather sick of democracy being touted as the solution when it certainly isn’t. Gundam 00 has a sort of neo-conservative theme to it, spreading of democracy through force, and having a core group that decides what is best through liberal application of military power to solve problems, as the majority is ignorant or apathetic. Talking was never a strong point when beams were flying everywhere, so again this is hardly anti-war, but being Gundam that is hardly surprising since none of the others were. This something I found rather detestable even if those who think that the message of Gundam 00 is generally good, given what neo-conservatism has brought about in my country but I suspect this is something that won’t be given a second thought. What Ribbons was gunning for was a sort of old school utopia along Plato’s Republic though by today’s standards Plato comes off as rather fascist.

Mit donnernden Motoren,
Geschwind wie der Blitz,
Dem Feinde entgegen,
Im Gundam geschützt
Voraus den Kameraden,
Im Kampf steh’n wir allein,

Steh’n wir allein,

So stoßen wir tief
In die feindlichen Reih’n.

So stoßen wir tief
In die feindlichen Reih’n.

Mit donnernden Motoren,
Geschwind wie der Blitz,
Dem Feinde entgegen,
Im Gundam geschützt
Voraus den Kameraden,
Im Kampf steh’n wir allein,

Steh’n wir allein,

So stoßen wir tief
In die feindlichen Reih’n.

So stoßen wir tief
In die feindlichen Reih’n.

Wenn vor uns ein feindlicher
Gundam erscheint,
Wird Vollgas gegeben
Und ran an den Feind!
Was gilt denn unser Leben
Für unsres Reiches Heer?

Ja Reiches Heer?

Für Deutschland zu sterben
Ist uns höchste Ehr.

Für Deutschland zu sterben
Ist uns höchste Ehr.

Mit Sperren und Minen
Hält der Gegner uns auf,
Wir lachen darüber
Und fahren nicht drauf.
Und droh’n vor uns Geschütze,
Versteckt im gelben Sand,

Im gelben Sand,

Wir suchen uns Wege,
Die keiner sonst fand.

Wir suchen uns Wege,
Die keiner sonst fand.

Und läßt uns im Stich
Einst das treulose Glück,
Und kehren wir nicht mehr
Zur Heimat zurück,
Trifft uns die Todeskugel,
Ruft uns das Schicksal ab,

Ja Schicksal ab,

Dann wird uns der Gundam
Ein ehernes Grab.

Dann wird uns der Gundam
Ein ehernes Grab. (Based on Panzerlied)

Ah well Gundam 00 had its moments even if the final lap was disappointing, though mostly because the initial premise was too ambitious and they just weren’t capable of meeting the challenge and passing with flying colors. While not a revival of the UC spirit it does do things better than SEED though Gundam 00 shares more in common with the latter as time goes on, Exia R2 was an announced ass pull but an ass pull nonetheless since it could have been sortied with a GN container but wasn’t and GN Drive Syncing was easy as USB jump drive use for the last ep. It’s a shame they promised much more than they were capable of, but one can hope that maybe the VOTOMS team or some of the IGLOO guys can be called upon in the future. If only Gundam 0081 were a series…at least I still have IGLOO.

Final standings have Prince Ali as King even if Team 00 Raiser pools their kills, not sure why they really needed to show that innovadoes were out there, but since death ain’t what it used to be I suppose that without a body I can’t confirm any kills this ep with any degree of certainty.

Final Standings (No Innovadoes were hurt during the filming of this series)

After Gundam 00 Marina became Octomom (link NSFW)

Klaus and Shirin passed many tax cuts and instituted Reganomics.

You may call her Hillrod 00.

Bring cut his hair and lived out his life in Azadistan, he did not survive land reform.

Hilling was horribly disfigured after the battle and retired to the deserts to Kurdistan selling books about the Life of Patrick.

Homer was exiled to Azadistan but chose to die instead, many would have done the same given the choice.

Ribbons hid out in Africa to avoid the shit hole that was to be Azadistan.

Andrei got a job in the Air National Guard…

Billy did not get Sumeragi to put out but he got a picture of them together…okay it was a photoshop.

Bushido Bob decided to stop cosplaying.

Lyle composed a shittly poem for Anew, but she ran away to be part of Hillrod’s Cabinet.

Lyle ran away fromn his creditiors who came to collect unpaid bills that went back 4 years…also the KPSA shat on the grave.

Haptism and Marie wandered Euroland. Haptism was later killed by Putin with a judo throw, and Marie was last seen selling herself at a Dutch Brothel.

Jupiter was later invaded by the forces of Jihad-kun.

WTF no Gundam 0081?!

General Katie can I be put on the guest list?

No.

The General was just telling some piss ant off, don’t worry.

Katie will always be the Taisa of Patrick’s Youth.

Patrick wants to get married in the morning…

I was walking down a one way street
Just a looking for someone to meet
One woman who was looking for a man
Now Im hoping that the feeling is right
And Im wondering if youll stay for the night
So Im coming (I dont wanna be lonely)
I wanna love you all over

Your Patrick awaits General.

I never doubted Patrick for one minute. I am proud of them both Patrick for marrying above him, and Katie for having better taste in men than Sumeragi, beating Sumeragi to the altar was a bonus.

Katie did not invite Andrei, Sumeragi, or Billy that way they can be single and ronrey forever… you can’t catch the bouqet if you aren’t there…

Now that Prince Ali is in Future Century otherwise known as Valhalla, he decided to enter the Gundam Fight…

In the first place, I deny everything but what I have all along admitted, the design on my part to free the slaves… The word of God teaches me that all things whatsoever I would that men should do to me, I should do even so to them. It teaches me, further, to “remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them.”… I believe that to have interfered as I have done as I have always freely admitted I have done in behalf of His despised poor, was not wrong, but right. Now, if it is deemed necessary that I should forfeit my life for the furtherance of the ends of Azadistani “justice,” and mingle my blood further with the blood of my comrades and with the blood of millions in that slave country whose rights are disregarded by wicked, cruel, and unjust enactments by the Azadistani occupier, I submit; so let it be done! Let me say, also, a word in regard to the statements made by some of those connected with me. I hear it has been stated by some of them that I have induced them to join me. But the contrary is true… There is not one of them but joined me of his own accord, and the greater part of them at their own expense… Now I have done. I, Prince Ali, am now quite certain that the crimes of this guilty world can never be purged away but with blood. You may dispose of me very easily. I am nearly disposed of now. But this question is still to be settled, this slavery question, I mean; the end of that is not yet. – Prince Ali to the Trial System, in the aftermath of the GN Burst

Don’t make a mess of it – shoot straight, you retard. – Last words of Prince Ali

Ich hatt’ einen Prinz Ali,
Einen bessern findst du nit.
Die Trommel schlug zum Streite,
Er ging an meiner Seite
In gleichem Schritt und Tritt.
In gleichem Schritt und Tritt.

Eine Kugel kam geflogen:
Gilt’s mir oder gilt sie dir?
Sie hat ihn weggerissen,
Er liegt zu meinen Füßen
Als wär’s ein Stück von mir
Als wär’s ein Stück von mir

Will mir die Hand noch reichen,
Derweil ich eben lad’.
“Kann dir die Hand nicht geben,
Bleib du im ew’gen Leben
Mein guter Kamerad!”
Mein guter Kamerad!

Thoughts:

No summary since I am still mourning the loss of my liege lord Prince Ali and have yet to compose and Epic in his honor. It is a sad day, a tragic day, as the Gundam franchise has lost one of it’s most gifted pilots. Prince Ali joins the likes of Anavel Gato, South Burning, Norris Packard, and Ramba Ral in the Tomb of the Badass Normals. Prince Ali was laid low with a most vile deus ex machina at the moment of his triumph as he tore the hated Lyle, last of the Dylandy Clan, a new ass hole. Just as victory was assured did the GN sorcery conspire against him and his Gundam was shut down while Lyl’e unholy machine remained functional. So it was that the hero of the Kurds the only one who remained defiant unto death against the Azadistani menace succumb to Lyle’s cheap shot, while the idiot rabble sing the praise of Lyle, those who know the truth can only scoff at the prevailing ignorance. Only through a mighty hax did the mighty and noble Prince Ali fall. Thus ended the legend of the only character that sought relentlessly to restore the old ways laid down by Lord Tomino. His death signals the end of the age of Tomino and the coming of the age of the Jesuses, when generations look back to the Golden Age of Tomino they will remember the last man that tried to restore the old ways before the rise of overpowered teenagers that were as bland as dirt.

Yes, today Prince Ali got the first two of his 72 virgins, God was kind enough to reduce their ages.

Welcome to hell Neil. BTW this is Prince Ali’s heaven.

I guess this isn’t going to happen…

I don’t give a toss any more this won’t be anywhere near as great as the Macross Frontier finale, and mostly because Jihad-kun puts Jesus Yamato to shame and what Ribbons pulled out better be the best damn Guncannon there ever was, but still it wasn’t Hi Nu Gundam 00 Raiser nor is it the coolest looking thing EVAR from the waist up. Also the dead started talking… So In the end Louise was not able to become a Gato level Mobile Armor pilot but she did try and to be fair the GN Burst was inevitable since the writers have been relying on deus ex machina since the creation of the Trans Am crutch with they have used again and again. At least the last of All Woman Soma Loving Louise gave one last hurrah and tried to strangle Saji to save the series, it was bold effort worthy of mention. To be fair the writing staff ought to be commended for consistency even if excessive use of the deus ex machina outside of comedy is the last refuge of a writer afflicted with writers block or in our case the first refuge of inept writers who can’t seem to do things in any other way. It was expected that Jihad-kun would either have another Trans-Am trick or for once they surprise us and kill people off. In then end even they killed people off the dead started talking, and I thought Minovsky particles were broken at times.

Indeed all Billy wants is some Sumeragi lurvin…consent is optional.

Nice try Lasse, but your no Flag Fighter…

Thing is Howard Mason is cooler than you…

Ah well it was pretty light show even if Prince Ali was slain through the biggest hax of the season as Arche shut down as Lyle was about to lose, proving that in lieu of developing a pilot from green rookie to hardened vet they can always use deus ex machina and upgrades rather than expend effort to show it. Some how Prince Ali forgot that he specialty was in knife fighting and to his cost Prince Ali drew a gun instead. Still at least Prince Ali had a good run and killed plenty of people before his Yazan powers were simply too much to the pretenders to Tomino’s legacy to bear. Indeed with the ritual slaying of Yazan’s heir and the impending doom of Amuro to the franchise’s second Jesus, Sunrise has made a clear signal that they refuse to be in Tomino’s shadow. Funny how Gundam started out as a mecha series that diverged from super robot shows and the latest trend now is pulling in the opposite direction. Still G Gundam is the best of the Super Robot members of the Gundam franchise and Jihad-kun will never be a cool as Master Asia no matter how much hax Jihad-kun brings (In fact Master Asia could pwn Jihad-kun with a scarf). Well if nothing else they can claim that they wrapped up everything, though as always I disagree with the notion that deus ex machina at this level is a sign of competent or half way decent writing in anything other than a comedy, still there are literary critics who defend its excessive use, but I am not one of them.

Let’s hope you still have some of your old Newtype powers Ribbons.

Oh Tieria, Ribbons didn’t “ask” you to wear a dress to party…

IT WAS MANDATORY!

So the big wishy washy incredibly preachy idealism that reigns supreme in Gundam 00 is that telepathy will bring us all together, anyone who supposes this is both young and naïve or old and incredibly stupid and possibly a hikkomori. First off I can think of plenty of people whom I rather keep my thoughts hidden from and I am sure that you don’t want Dick Cheney probing your mind even if he doesn’t mind you probing his. Secondly I doubt that loli-loving otaku want to be broadcasting their thoughts to their intended targets or the police. Thirdly we already have a communication network that everyone can use, it’s called the internet and it has yet to, and perhaps never will, bring world peace. Fourth I don’t want to hear Al Franken/Ann Coulter 24/7/365. No the critical thing that this shit idea ignores is the problem of respect, even if one understands, the opposition’s respect is never guaranteed. Still telepathy is a wonderful tool of torture there are many whom I would eagerly condemn to share thoughts with Bill O’Reilly mostly since it’d be painful for both. If this were ever possible I’d like to field test it first on anyone who thinks that this would be a good idea. The truth is though if you think about it humans are sick, and you really don’t want to know what other people think, after all I have never met a person who never lied. If anything since the only way to prevent unwanted broadcasting of thoughts is to kill its source. Telepathy is hardly a means to end war, in fact it simply changes the casus belli a bit to include “shut the fuck up” as the basis for a declaration of war.

That’s not a proper stance Lyle…

I suppose Captain Obvious here was just too important to let die, ah well at least they kept his character consistent even if it remained static.

This no Hi Nu, boy. No Hi Nu! (I think those are cannons on the shoulders but we shall see.)

Still it wasn’t all bad, Lasse’s attempt at being Graham Acre was certified FISSION MAILED and Sumeragi will have to put up for Billy (contrary to what an idiot shipper would believe, being with Billy is a fate worse than death). Tieria might be physically destroyed but Desu Yellow can still make love to the primary server and strip for it, though to be honest the server would only over heat for Lockon. Lyle lives and will have to wank off for the rest of his life now that Anew is in another world though he too can try and locate the server with Anew and try some innovado S&M, there will be random electrical shocks me thinks. Andrei gets to live longer to mark the apologists as certifiably insane or otherwise mentally deficient given how Andrei had little development to speak of and is a chauvinist creep who killed his dad for an Ahead.  Also coupled with the most of the protagonist couples and main cast being generic and bland, one has to wonder if this really is a 180 from GSD. I am being overly mean; certainly given the intended audience in mind Sunrise will make a few bucks as otaku everywhere bankrupt themselves getting model kits, me being one of the legions of suckers. Well at least I still have IGLOO, and maybe Gundam 0081 supposing it’s playable and is released in the US.

I wonder what the announcement at the end will be; so far it seems that the 30th anniversary is a huge let down as Gundam 0081 is only confirmed to be a PS3 Game (which better be better than Crossfire) and bad economic times, means only the well off will be able to see the RX-78-7 in all its glory. Besides the end will be a good light show and I want to see Patrick eating pineapple cake at end. Also Bob will embarrass himself one way or another so at least comedy will ensue. Leaderboard is down for a moment of silence to honor the passing of the top player, it will be back tommorrow.

Well Patrick will be back next time.

Well now that both are dead no need to part, eh?

Of course being Japanese and male Saji just had to try and rape Louise…

No, I’ll never join you. You have failed Saji. I am an Otome like Soma before me.

You are unwise to lower your defenses!

You underestimate the power of the Yuri. If you will not get off of me you will be destroyed.

Young fool only now at the end do you understand. Your feeble skills are no match for the power of Yuri. You will pay for your lack of vision.

Now Saji, you will die… (and that’s how it really ended.)

Hi this is Mayu…

Then again we might get Hi Nu gundam 00 Raiser afterall, I am hoping for a good fight. Thank You Comrade Myssa.

Well at least Prince Ali eneded his career on a high note.

At least Patrick accomplished something before getting dropped. By the way Katie gets the pot since you were both wrong.

I am closing my 14 years of military service. When I joined the Army, even before the turn of the century, it was the fulfillment of all of my boyish hopes and dreams. The world has turned over many times since I took the oath on the plain at Sandhurst, and the hopes and dreams have long since vanished, but I still remember the refrain of one of the most popular barrack ballads of that day which proclaimed most proudly that “old soldiers never die; they just fade away.” And like the old soldier of that ballad, I now close my military career and just fade away, an old soldier who tried to do his duty as Katie gave him the light to see that duty. – Patrick Colasour

Is that right ersatz Zero?

LOL

Ribbons makes the impossible possible.

With the war entering its final stage Ribbons decides that he no longer has any use for the A-Laws and blows them all to bits while CB cries crocodile tears for the brave if misguided soldaten who gave their lives for the defense of the Federation. The Kataron cheat finally fizzles out as Klaus loses another carrier with nothing to show for it. Princess Poverty, the kiddies, and Shirin look on gleefully at the debris field where the once mighty 3rd Fleet was. After the blast the remainder limp back to port as Jihad-kun goes off against Ribbon’s ship which is called Celestial Being…indeed the name is as lame as it looks. Nevertheless after amassing a clone army and a an equal number of Gagas Ribbons’ plumb for got to build guns and beam sabers for them so he used these brand new never before seen Mobile Suits for kamikaze attacks, just like how the last one backing 1945 was full of lose and fail this one was just as bad.

I dub thee Ms. Wang Mk II

Make way for Prince Ali!

Because this show has a crappy time slot we could not show how Renge shat himself…

While the Gaga proved to be little more than a glorified baka-bomb, Billy had been working hard to create Trans-SPAM abilities and finally broke the game beyond repair as no amount of elegant coding can salvage the ho hum combat against Gagas, and to be honest its as tedious as grinding in an Korean MMO. Thankfully there is still some hope in Darth Louise who has not bought any of Saji’s bullshit of building a world on mutual understanding…I am sure for the goddamn eleven that killing gaijin equates to understanding. While Team Raiser is busy fighting Louise, Care and Revival kick the shit out of Tieria; so much for that secret Seraphim system… Elsewhere Lasse wanting to be an even bigger hack tries to promote Trans-Am, I have to say I liked this show more before Jihad-kun got all red like a fucking communist but whatever I guess we all know what audience they are playing to now. I guess the devotees of Tomino can just stick to UC stuff from now on. Though if you love Trans-Am and thought that it was the best idea EVAR I bet you just jizzed in your pants.

Carrier has arrived.

You’d think that by now Patrick would have earned something for his troubles, but I guess marrying Katie was all he ever wanted anyway.

So sad to see that this was to be the last we see of these magnificent vessels.

Nevertheless the unintentional comedy only gets better as CB mooks who never bothered to show up since the last re-supply get blown to hell, man if only they worked that hard when there was heavy fighting before… but what ever more nameless innocent CB combatants dying is a good thing. Sumeragi takes docking lesseons from Kataron and runs her ship aground in the docking bay for no reason really as Feldt and Yellow are no match for the might of the automatons that rushed them, kekeke. Despite the relentless Gaga attacks it seems that the damage modeling in Gundam 00 is sorely lacking as there is nary a paint scratch despite the droves of Gagas striking their hulls. Last and certainly least Sumeragi decides to confront the Automatons with an assault rifle she holds Hollywood style, and who should she see? Why Billy with a pistol…too bad neither can shoot straight.

Mein Oberst thanks you for not intervening on her wedding.

Yeah it seems Katie beat you to the altar. Patrick is five times the man Emilio ever was, but at least you have Billy…Oh yeah they couldn’t find a bride’s maid out fit big enough for you, no hard feelings though.

BTW Leesa, Katie still thinks you suck.

One important thing did happen as Patrick was kicked off the server when Billy created his Trans-SPAM hack. Still I believe in the immortal powers of Patrick Colasour though it was nice to see that Katie did care. Unlike Wild Bear it seems Patrick’s “death” actually accomplished something in protecting Katie. Also Patrick confessed again, maybe when this is all over they can finally enjoy their marriage. Also Prince Ali finally got called into the game and what an entrance! No sooner does Prince Ali step onto the pitch that he killed Renge for not being a team player. Lyle thinks that he can escape from the Curse of Prince Ali as they meet one on one. Despite having no upgrade Prince Ali still hands Lyle his ass by taking out the rifle bits, the sniper rifle, and cuts off a leg for good measure, if there is one thing that Prince Ali hates its AWP campers. In the end Marie gets tackled while Haptism watches powerless like a wuss, and Ribbons and Tieria meet one on one again, but given how things turned out last time when Tieria had a gun I don’t put much faith in the dark purple innovator’s shooting skills certainly Ribbons is running 2-0 against Renge and Tieria’s pistol skills.

Worry not Patrick gave you his luck.

Such a waste of a fine ship…

Obviously Shirin wanted the slaughter to continue…no doubt she will blame a Zionist Entity for this.

Impression:

Well I did call it Trans-Am was the worst thing that ever happened to Gundam 00 first it was simply a hack for the losers of CB (because heaven forbid if they actually improved as pilots), then it was a consolation prize for Bushido Bob when they denied his application for Erupting Burning Finger, and now Sunrise has gone Gaga for their innovation in hax. Ah well at this point it was to be expected, the clone army was little more than a suicide squad, but still it’s a tragic waste of the Gaga which actually looks kind of cool, but who is going to buy a kit with no guns? Maybe it will have a button that blows it up or something. Patrick gets kicked from the server since were to believe that this is SRSFKN business now, and at least we can hope that there will be a pile of dead terrorists by the end. I doubt Patrick is dead since he has survived this all before, but it was nice to see Katie finally voice how much she cares for her loyal Patrick. I don’t give two shits about Haptism and Marie since their plot line should have been killed off some time ago anyway, but here’s hoping that Ali kills them both after tearing Lyle a new asshole. Seeing as how there don’t seem to be any one to fight them unless Bob shows up with a new suit or something, having them shoot Gagas for the next two eps is hardly going to be exciting. Andrei tried to be useful, but because Jihad-kun has become a wuss after Saji had jizzed in his ass docked one too many times Andrei gets to live.

Take it! Take it all Leopard!

In the end it’s a just a giant sperm cell…well that is one way to seed a colony.

Great job guys thanks for showing up, BTW none of you get VAs.

Some other decent points included Katie berating Sumeragi for being stupid and failing at life. Best of all however was that Prince Ali had returned and his opening move was to kill off Renge who was a shitty villain to begin with, since Dark Amuro is all the evil we need. I was giddy when Prince Ali was hacking Lyle’s weapons off. Still since the game is broken I am not ruling out another miraculous Trans-Am since Ptolemy did one all on its own when last time it needed at least one docked Gundam to pull it off. Then there was the running out of missiles bullshit that was miraculously solved. Whatever they are catering to the SEED school of combat now, and it is a shame that Prince Ali did not get an upgrade after all his hard work while Bushido Bob got three custom suits for doing nothing. Ah well next week Tieria proves how he can’t shoot straight, Prince Ali continues to pwn Lyle like a little bitch, Team Raiser and Louise yell at each other some more, Billy wusses out and fails to kill Sumeragi (though I hope the automaton can finish them both off), Feldt and Desu-Yellow sit on their asses doing nothing, while Lasse starts cutting himself because O-Gundam can’t Trans-Am. All in all I have my doubts that they can wrap up everything at this point, I get the sense this will be pew pew lazors with Kamikaze and nakkid time. So unless Ribbons kicks the shit out of Tieria early, my hopes for seeing a Hi Nu Gundam 00 Raiser just dived deeper than the Dow Jones.

Yeah no one is buying your BS Leesa.

Crashing through the sky, comes a fearful cry!
Cobra! Cobraaaaa!
Cobra! Cobraaaaa!

Armies of the night! Evil taking flight!
Cobra! Cobraaaaa!
Cobra! Cobraaaaa!

Nowhere to run!
Nowhere to hide!
Panic spreading far and wide!
Who can turn the tide?

Can the world oppose, deadliest of foes?
Cobra! Cobraaaaa!
Cobra! Cobraaaaa!

Joes will risk it all to end the evil call,
of Cobra! Cobraaaaa!
Cobra! Cobraaaaa!

They never give up!
They never say die!
Walking tall with banners high!
They sound the battle cry!

Still Bob is the only wild card left so here is hoping for another Masurao variant, if not I want to see Bushido Bob cut himself. Might was well finish this series despite the Gaga rush, mostly because I want to see Prince Ali slice Lyle up into little tiny pieces, and at least there we might have a good fight for once. If nothing else it’s not over until the fat lady, which is Marina after she eats the fat kid, sings. Well whatever the reason why Homer and Goodman distrusted the innovators I doubt they will try and explain it now. Still at least no one went shopping.

Leaderboardwise Prince Ali cements his dominance over the rest by more than doubling the number of his kills closest rival the Unknown Soldaten of the Federation. Billy thought that he could rachet up the number of kills with Trans-Spam but only unique kills are counted. More over like the Fett clones it seems that Ribbon’s clone army suffers from the same flaw in that they aren’t nearly as good as the originals. Hilling Care almost gets a kill off Tieria but it seems that plot armor is still in effect, maybe Ribbons can kill steal. Andrei almost gets raped by Team Raiser but since the three of them are taking orders from Saji any further kills seem unlikely.

Die Stunde hat geschlagen,
Dylandys Macht vergeht,
Durch Prinz Ali Kühnheit,
Großdeutschlands Stärke lebt.

Arche fahren
Gar weit in’s Meer hinaus.
Arche jagen
Reißzähne aus den Rohren raus,

Jagen Renge, Renge in den Tod.
Jagen Renge, Renge in den Tod.
in den Tod.

Ein Bersten und ein Krachen
Zerreißt des Dampfers Schal’
Die letzte Fahrt zu machen:
Ist das nicht Todeswahl?

Arche fahren -
Gar weit in’s Meer hinaus.
Arche jagen
Reißzähne aus den Rohren raus,

Jagen Lyle, Lyle in den Tod.
Jagen Lyle, Lyle in den Tod.
in den Tod.

Jagen Lyle, Lyle in den Tod.
Jagen Lyle, Lyle in den Tod.
in den Tod.

Jagen Lyle, Lyle in den Tod.
Jagen Lyle, Lyle in den Tod.
in den Tod.

In case you never saw Das Boot here is s crude translation of sorts:

The hour has come
Dylandy’s power fades
Through Prince Ali’s strength
Great Fatherland’s power lives

Arche sail
Far, far into the sea
Arche hunt
Fangs out of the tubes
Hunt Renge, Renge into death
Hunt Renge, Renge into death
Into death

A bursting and a creaking
Breaks the steamer’s hull
To make this last journey
Isn’t that a choice of death?

Arche sail
Far, far into the sea
Arche hunt
Fangs out of the tubes
Hunt Lyle, Lyle into death
Hunt Lyle, Lyle into death
Into death

Hunt Lyle, Lyle into death
Hunt Lyle, Lyle into death
Into death

Hunt Lyle, Lyle into death
Hunt Lyle, Lyle into death
Into death

Useless Sumeragi is useless.

Sucking eggs it seems mein Oberst…

Yeah Sumeragi also doesn’t check her mirrors when driving either.

Patrick Mad!

I guess Patrick is capable of anger.

Server problems again Patrick?

There there Katie Patrick will be back, or his name isn’t the Immortal Colasour.

Cue Tachikoma Song.

Louise has you now…

If only you could hyperburst…

I guess Lasse can’t drive manual either.

Safety’s on…

That’s not how you aim…

You were expecting Emilio?

I am here to collect the rent…

Right you are again Lord Louise.

Indeed this show would have been so much better without Saji.

Patrick Appreciation GO!

I guess in the end she did sign. Could have done worse, at least Patrick is no Billy. Worse comes to worse you can be together again in a another life.

Current Standings.

Bob would like some Pocky too…

The Renge attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed. But my resolve has never been stronger. The remaining Jihad-kuns will be hunted down and defeated! To ensure the security and continuing stability, the Federation will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire! For a safe and secure society! We must move quickly. Jihad-kun is relentless. If he is not all destroyed, it will be civil war without end. First, I want you to go to Ptolemy. We will catch them off balance. Do what must be done Lord Louise do not hesitate and show no mercy. After you have killed Saji on the Ptolemy, then head to Mustafar and wipe out Viceroy Sumeragi and all of the CB and Kataron leaders only then you will be strong in the Dark Side to save mama and papa. Once more the Sith will rule the galaxy… and we shall have peace. – Emperor Ribbons

Master Asia please teach me the ultimate technique of the School of the Undefeated of the East.

The name is Homer and we teach kabuki here, Master Asia is…

Alright I’ll give you our props…

So it seems that Bushido Bob was trying to one up Tom Cruise as the Last Samurai, sadly it seems that even Scientology Jesus had better luck that Bob. Homer was also weirded out by having some weeaboo show up at his home one day asking to be a samurai since he was running a school for Kabuki actors, still since Homer did not manage to kick him out he let Bob have his way as he took baths in his backyard… As he always got lost Bob did not attend the School of the Undefeated of the East or the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts and loses to Jihad-kun. Bob wants to die but Jihad-kun pussies out and leaves instead of going up on the leaderboard. Bushido Bob is ashamed and wishes to commit hara kiri, sadly we have to wait and see if Bob dies a man or sissy. So much for Susanoo…

Only your hatred can destroy me!

FLAG…is it in you?

That’s no moon…

Princess Poverty makes it up to space as Jihad-kun and his band of terrorists explain to us again why they are fighting, because it is important that they protect their balls…that they remind themselves since they seem to have plenty of trouble remembering. They also discover that the Emperor Ribbons has built a new Death Star that orbits the dark side of Endor. As Death Squadron was not available to celebrate the commissioning of his new fully armed and operational battlestation Emperor Ribbons had to settle for Care, Revival, Louise, and Andrei to fly for the commissioning ceremony. Katie is on her way back as she still commands the respect of some A-Laws guys who have prepared for her long awaited return. The Vashti family has a reunion as Linda brings a gimped version of O-Gundam with no GN drive. Chancellor Ribbons sends Homer’s troops out as a meat shield as he prepares his own Grand Army of the Republic for an Attack of the Clones, sadly Jango Fett and Prince Ali were unavailable so he went with the red dead loser Divine as the template for his Clone Army. As if the portents were not dire enough it seems Feldt proposed to Setsuna in the Meyrin Memorial Pairing or should we call it the Lunamaria Memorial Paring? Given the things to come it seems the stench of GSD is emanating now stronger than ever…Bad feeling have I.

Oh so I guess this is pretty much all that Homer has left…

Yet you still forgot to ask Prince Ali to join the party…

I guess we’ll never know why the A-Laws brass and the Innovators don’t get along.

So Goodman is happy to have taken command of what should have been Katie’s 3rd Fleet of 21 Cruisers and 108 Mobile Suits. Unfortunately for Goodman he decided to waste 3 of his brand new top of the line Dauntlesses as fireships stuffed with anti-beam particles…clearly he forgot that throwing a bunch of anti-beam grenades would have done the same thing, but no… Jihad-kun then calls upon the dark powers of lose that Hayden Christen drew from and tells Saji that he could learn to love sand as he charges his reach around saber. Still the A-Laws do okay until Sunrise decided to give Kataron the power overwhelming cheat code to one up the one that Lucas gave to the Gungans. Kataron some how got universal cloak that helped them evade detection and all of a sudden the A-Laws who have been kicking their asses all season became cannon fodder. Not that the Droid battleship had note even been sunk yet… Katie gives Goodman an ultimatum which he ignores, Patrick finally gets to get back into the fight. It seems that Katie has accomplished what Wild Bear and Hercules could not…she started the Rebel Alliance from the Feddie forces that decided to follow the only human with a brain on this show as Katie grabbed a bunch of GN-XIIIs instead of space Tieriens. Goodman dies and then Count Renge tries to kill Emperor Ribbons, who turns out isn’t really dead… Lastly Seelian Fat Kid get a hard on watching people get killed.

Indeed Saji’s stench of fail is hard to ignore even in space, Darth Louise.

Man can we just have Gundam 0081 now?

Alright we get it…

Impression:

Well I am not going to lie despite Patrick and Katie’s return I don’t have much more hope for the end of this series. Bob wants to cut himself because he’s emo after Jihad-kun changed his life, Feldt was roleplaying as the Hawke sisters, and Ribbons has clone army…with Goodman gone and his fleet getting beat by cheat code powered Kataron, the always OP CB, and now the most talented commander in the Federation all that stands between them and Ribbons is Homer, and really how much could he have left? Moreover since this clone army can’t even fit on the screen it’s almost certain to be everyone vs. Ribbons. I think that the clone army was just awful now they can recycle the death scenes more easily and given Divine’s record this isn’t even going to be much of a challenge. Feldt’s emulation of the Luna and Meyrin just killed it, it was not developed well and it pretty much came out of no where considering Feldt had been useless after her pathetic bitch fight with Marie. I didn’t like the battle as much this time around, mostly because Goodman wasted three perfectly fine Dauntlesses when he could have had his 108 guys just toss anti-beam grenades every where, it was just sad to see Aheads and GN-XIIIs gunned down so easily by Kataron. I suppose that it is better late than never to finally have Kataron be useful, but it still felt wrong like Jar Jar Binks being a senator.

Good to see that Sunrise is not done woman hating yet, I guess this erstaz-Soma could not be bothered to speak for herself…

Wow I guess Azadistani do like them young… real young…

Well enjoy your kiddie harem.

Of all the people to clone why the hell did Ribbons clone Divine? He had Prince Ali on the pay roll and certainly an Army of Prince Ali clones would have been very OP, but a clone army of Divine, is well crap. I can see them getting cut to pieces by every one now at least with Prince Ali you can be sure that it will be a hard fight at least. Prince Ali was absent again while Bob embarrassed himself and brought a little knife to cut himself open, he deserves to die for letting Susanoo get trashed like that. I still want to know what it was that sent Goodman and Lindt off their rockers but alas while Wang gets to tell her life story moments before she dies Goodman and Lindt just died. Hopefully that A-Laws guy who was with Kati wasn’t just a palette error and maybe Katie did manage to get the Regulars and some of the A-laws to follow her, but we shall see. Billy better be working on a kick ass Nu Gundam 00 Raiser for Ribbons though maybe Ribbons had something hidden away on his Death Star already. There is still hope that Ribbons will make Louise his Sith Apprentice to deny any happy ending for Saji. Katie and Patrick are back from their long romantic honeymoon and hopefully Katie did rally the remaining Federation Army and her former A-Laws with any luck they will serve her loyally and faithfully and if need be follow her into the gates of hell.

I see Katie still has some pull with the A-Laws rank and file…

What is thy bidding my master?

I think you will need MOAR! Really though, you couldn’t get Prince Ali to be the template?

I have no idea why we needed to be reminded again of why CB fights, but whatever if Sunrise wants to make it a waste of time then so be it. Well all that is left are three more eps, if Prince Ali is still MIA at this point he might never show up. I do however look forward to watching Ribbons tear Renge apart for his insolence. I am not sure if there is a way to tie it all together now but we can only hope that someone gives Jihad-kun a hard time. Not sure who is going to pilot O-Gundam but hey I just hope that it isn’t going to be Yellow. Good to see that Marie let’s Haptism do all the talking for her, she even became more of his bitch today by letting him call her names… Already we have a fifth rate loli ass grabbing Minmei wannabe, a Clone Army from Episode II, a dumb bitch who wants to be both Meyrin and Luna, and a Seelian fat kid. Things certainly look grim for the end if we are lucky all of these problems will be killed off, at least the Clone Army is slated for slaughter if nothing else. I guess the hand of Lucas is everywhere these days.

The Feddie Grunts got a bunch of near kills by almost blowing up the bridge and sinking Ptolemy and impaling Tieria, while team Gundam 00 Raiser finished off Goodman after Katie blew up most of his fleet. Still with the impending Attack of the Clones all I can say is, “I got a bad feeling about this…” Eej and his merry men putting on a commercial for Dragonball Evolution probably cursed the episode, on second thought maybe not I don’t know.

Okay Bob remember Mr. Knife goes across the street to get attention, he goes down the road to do something.

Oh dear this one brings back memories…Well I am sure some one will like this Meyrin/Lunamaria Memorial Pairing.

The green you never earned, the bottle that you never recycled, and the yellow speaks for itself.

I dub thee Meyrin.

I dub thee Luna.

Yeah because  Marina is into children, and you got old.

To bend over in front tof Saji…

You’re still useless by the way.

Hosenscheisser it is then.

Wasting more time by spooning docking again… you could launch as one unit ya know…

Such a tragedy that so many of these will be lost.

So close there…

So very very close…

Yousa means Gungans, Gungans no dyin’ withouta fight. Wesa warriors. Wesa got a grand army. That’s why you no likin’ us, mesa thinks.

Damn it I owe Homer fifty bucks…

Got to get tough, Yo Joe!
Got to get tough, Yo Joe!

Ya know ya got to stand tall when comes down to the wire,
Ya got to play rough when you cross that line of fire,

Ya got to have have guts to stand for your rights,
Ya got to keep on hoping and hold on tight,

Ya got to do the fighting with all of your might,
Ya got to keep the target straight ahead of your sights!

Got to get tough, Yo Joe!
Got to get tough, Yo Joe!

G.I. Joe, the Federation’s top secret moblile strike force.
Yo Joe!

The mission, to defend freedom.
Yo Joe!

The threat, Cobra a terrorist organiztaion bent on world conquest.
Yo Joe!

The battle cry…
Yo Joe!

Got to get tough, Yo Joe!
Got to get tough, Yo Joe!
Yoooo JOE!

SHould have hired Ozzel…

Indeed, my master.

Oh look a gun…

I am over here…

All Patrick needed was a signature…

Man it must have been a big wedding…

So that was what it was…

Current standings.

I could lose my heart tonight,
If you don’t turn and walk away
Cause the way I feel I might
Lose control and let you stay
Cause I could take you in my arms,
And never let you go
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you

The Way of the Samurai is found in death. When it comes to either/or, there is only the quick choice of death. It is not particularly difficult. Be determined and advance. To say that dying without reaching one’s aim is to die a dog’s death is the frivolous way of sophisticates. When pressed with the choice of life or death, it is not necessary to gain one’s aim. We all want to live. And in large part we make our logic according to what we like. But not having attained our aim and continuing to live is cowardice. This is a thin dangerous line. To die without gaining one’s aim is a dog’s death and fanaticism. But there is no shame in this. This is the substance of the Way of the Samurai. If by setting one’s heart right every morning and evening, one is able to live as though his body were already dead, he gains freedom in the Way. His whole life will be without blame, and he will succeed in his calling. – Bushido Bob, The Record of the Flag Fighters.

Yeah I’d cry too if I was a little bitch that took orders from Hatpsim. Otherwise those better be for missing Louise.

Real Gangsta there, Lyle…

Carrier has arrived. Oh if only this were katie’s, what FIght have been…

So it turns out Lyle is a little bitch after all as he could not shoot Jihad-kun in the face at point blank I guess he and Anew had that in common. Still Lyle wanted to shoot gangsta style like the little pansy so I hope that he is not loing for the world Prince Ali was howling from the bench that Ribbons allow him to sortie and correct this mistake. Jihad-kun is using all manner of cheat codes and makes himself an innovator because he knows that on a one on one fight with Dark Amuro the little rag head will lose. Revival misses Katie so much that he is using his quantum brain waves to ask himself, “What would Katie do?” and guess correctly that Jihad-kun be cheating. Louise is taking her medicine like a good girl when Andrei waltzes into ask for a date., Louise tells him to piss off at which point Bushido Bob picks her oup and they go out. Goodman has fucking had it with the license holders and their inability to defeat CB so he assembles the might of the Federation Fleet. He lamented how it should have been Katie’s command, but it seems that her honeymoon with Patrick was just that great.

Goodman >>> Sumeragi Goodman also wonders where is Prince Ali.

Jihad-kun is cheating, get use to it…Sunrise can’t code for shit.

Even Louise is raging at Jihad-kun’s unsportsmanlike conduct.

Wang is cornered on one of the many abandoned colonies that just seem to be every where these days. She goes on to blame Hong Long for being smart enough to not take the job as head Wang. She lies again saying how she only wanted a future of her own and would have sacrificed all her wealth and fame, I see the bitch subscribes to the Touya school of bullshits. It seems that Prince Ali did leave a little bit of himself in Nena and she storms in and kills Hong Long for being a cunt. Seems the great ninja who rescued the Ayatolla Rachmadi forgot that he could dodge bullets. Wang runs away thinking that she could escape and hands off the plans to Memento Mori, many Bothans died to bring Jihad-kun this information. Nena was simpy playing with her prey like Prince Ali taught her when he violated her many eps ago. Mrs. Wang is finally kaput and so ends her terrible shitty plot line of living forever to look down on the poor. Nena tells Dark Haro that she plans on using Ribbons, at which point it is revealed that Dark Amuro was the one who forged Dark Haro in the fires of A Baoa Qu.

Since you have a telepathic link with Katie mind telling us what awesome honeymoon Patrick had been planning all these years?

Louise I applaud your dedication in ensuring that you have prevented any chance of you bearing Saji’s child.

Rebellious Louise is smexy. She’ll be as great as Kanako someday.

Nena expected Ali to finish off the job but the good Prince was held up by delays at the Africa Tower. Louise was given Ali blessing to kill his former mistress as Prince Ali had long ago tired of Nena. Louise does Prince Ali proud and tears Nena to shreds and avenges her family. Louise is happy that she has finally achieved more in life than all of Kataron and CB combined. Andrei who has been stalking Louise ever since she sortied with Bob arrives on the scene to find Louise in a giddy state. Bushido Bob had for a while reverted to being Graham Aker again an gives a rousing speech about how Jihad-kun had polluted the skies, killed his friends, his teacher, and had trampled on the pride of the Flag Fighters. The fight goes well for Bob as Jihad-kun’s hacks are no match for Bob and Susanoo. Sadly things are interrupted by a nakkid Jihad-kun sequence to please Sunrise’s most favored Fujoshi fans. Turns out that Aeolia Josef Mengele a National Socialist who wanted to turn every one into an innovator without their consent…

You.

Good Day I am Bushido Bob, I am here to pick up Miss Louise Halevy.

Yep, Louise would rather go out with Bob than you.

Impression:

So fucking finally the terrorists of CB finally get picked off, Nena, Hong Long, and Ms. Wang are all finally dead. It is a great day for the Federation as it seems that Goodman has no love for the Innovators while Jihad-kun loves them so much he wants to be one. Not since Michael Jackson have I seen such base betrayal of one’s ethnicity. Though, to be fair great were the cheers of Kurds everywhere that Jihad-kun was expelled from their ranks. With four left to go unless they pull out all the stops Gundam 00 will fall somewhere between ambitious but decent or if they elect to have a shopping episode it will be consigned to the shit pile of Cosmic Era, a cancerous blight upon the franchise. I say this because we still have no idea what Goodman, Lindt, Homer, and 00bama were fighting for and nary a mention of their motivations. I would like to know since Goodman and Homer were suspicious of these Permit holding Innovators and it seems Goodman has a sort of hero worship going for Homer. It is a pity that they have been all but forgotten, but an even greater tragedy is that Prince Ali is no where to be seen, though the blurb about mercenaries gives me hope that the most famous mercenary of the age will join us for the final countdown.

I applaud Louse’s policy of any one but Andrei and Saji.

Oh Andrei when will you learn…

Great knock off iPod Shuffle ya got there Klaus… let me guess 64 kb?

Still Bob is finally off the bench though if he still has his pride in being a Flag Fighter he will simply beat up Jihad-kun, if he joins him then it will soon be every one vs Ribbons, in which case Nu Gundam 00 Raiser with Dark Haro better be up to snuff as Mr. Gundam himself will be at the controls. I am saddened that Louise is being forced down the path of Quess instead of Gato. I still hold out faint hope that Louise will go out in a blaze of glory after killing the Hataway wannabe Saji and use her mobile armor to decimate the Kataron fleet before plowing into Klaus and Shirin’s flag ship. Speaking of endings it seems that Sunrise has opted to copy Kawamori and his music endings. Normally I would welcome this but Princess Poverty and the Chipmunks are terrible musicians and singers. Not enough has gone into making these losers top tier stars to make a good Macrossian finale. Such a pity, only now do they want to have Marina say LISTEN TO MY SONG. I hope Fire Bomber or Krauser II is brought in at the last minute to save us from the fail that is Princess Poverty. Still their pathetic attempts at trying to make Kataron and CB look like the good guys is getting desperate. Hell, the Fat Seelian Kid is getting fatter by the episode, and they did not even put on their seat belts and want us all to convert our music into midi files ridden with static.

The Fat kid got fatter I see, and if only a train hit them…that would have taught these stupid fucks to CLICK IT OR TICKET.

I for one welcome our Dark Amuro Overlord.

Hong Long liek stupid question long time…

Soma is dead to me, if Soma were alive and well she would not have let Haptism make her cry. No the Soma I knew would have kicked E-57 in the balls and claimed Arios as the price for his insolence. Sadly it was not to be and I am left wondering what Fight Have Been. Still now that Lyle is a certified sissy I hope that he will be killed off so he can join Anew in the I can’t shoot for shit hell. I hope that if Katie and Patrick show up at the head of a massive Feddie Fleet that they do it later rather than sooner so they won’t risk being hit with the fail stick like Ms. Wang was. I am still disappointed at how pitiful her motivations were and I found it laughable that Hong Long bought all her bullshit. Still good riddance at least back in S1 she provided fap material to balance out the Fujoshi pandering, but now after getting old and ugly she long ago out lived her usefulness. Renge is playing her hand very late in the game and I hope Ribbons makes her pay dearly for her ingratitude. With any luck Ribbons will be piloting Nu Gundam 00 Raiser with Prince Ali as his wingman as they try to drop Axis Proud Colony onto the Earth. Lyle will pull a Nina Purpleton to piss every one off. The GN Pixie dust will reach near toxic levels banishing Marie to the depths of hell. Revival will survive through the power of love to return to Katie, Louise will be a crazy version of Gato and kill Saji for a happy ending. Katie and Patrick will end their honeymoon and Katie will take command of Londo Bell, Patrick will then take a powered up Ahead Custom with his Immortal 4th Team or he could be Katie’s Helmsman.  Krauser II will come out of hell rape Marina and sing Satsugai on the bridge of Katie’s Flagship to end the war for BEST END. Then cut to Katie and Patick kissing, with Soma and Louise getting FRIENDLY. Worse comes to worse if Maria and her chipmuncks do sing then I hope Eej and his band of merry men will kindly dub over it like they did last time…

As if Ms. Wang can think…

If only they had the sense to do a sordid the Rise and Fall of the Wangs documentary…

Should have stuck with Naruto Hong Long…

The Wang Head is a sacred position…and here I though Wang was always sick. After all who throws pool parties in the middle of an operation?

You’d still be old and ugly though…

Like you ever risked those…dignity? Sure, but fame? Never, not even once.

Really should have stayed in Naruto there Hong Long…

Whipped…henpecked, need I go on?

Shit you knocked her up?

I see Prine Ali’s memento has made you powerful…

The feeling is most mutual.

Say goodby Releena Wang.

The man who could dodge pullets could not dodge a pistol…EPIC AN HERO there Hong Long.

The greatest crime of all you shall feel in thyself!

Casaval Nii-sama!

Well Nena…If it had been Prince Ali the first shot…

…would have been all yo needed.

Peince Ali only played with his prey as a reward for aevery head shot… don’t get cocky Nena.

Wang no date poor people.

Oh Bob it wants to be with you…

BRO FIST.

This is why I am furious that he’s been kept on the bench this long.

Remember the Flag Fighters! Honor their sacrifice!

Translation: Are you a pussy Jihad-kun?

I’ll take that as a yes.

Damn now which one ot get first…

Never a personal sacrifice I see…

O RLY?

Is that fear Terrorist?

Nena, Hero of the Soviet Union…

O RLY?

It was built by Armuro…

Unlike other Haros mine are better than the ones I built in UC. That little pussy Athrun ain’t got nothing on me.

That night Prince Ali taught Nena so many things…like how to kill properly. Still the Good Prince succeeded greatly in non-combat thngs.

Make way for Prince Ali!
Say hey! It’s Prince Ali!

Hey! Clear the way of his taxi cab!
Hey you!
Let him through!
Or it’s you he’ll stab!
You don’t wanna be the first one to earn his ire!

CUT! What? Prince Ali couldn’t make it…and he’s sending in a replacement? Hello your highness you sure she can do the job? I understand she has a private army… No that won’t be a problem we can make do. Well see you soon your highness. Okay his highness says we will roll with it… Take 2!

Make way!
Here she comes!
Sound the bells! Load the guns!
‘Cause you’re gonna hate this guy!

Prince Louise! Murderous she!
Louise Hal-evy
Kills for fun
Give her a gun
Then watch the spree!
Now Gundam pilot is dead.
And Saji’s gonna get vent-ed
‘Cause Louise’s sick in the head–Undoubtedly!

Prince Louise! Mighty is she!
Louise Hal-evy!
Strong as ten regular men
Take it from me!
She faced the Throne Trinity
Who’d make a saner man flee
But whos Gundam kill-count’s will soon be three?
Why, Prince Louise!

She’s got so many shadowy backers
Private armies
But they’d work for free
When it comes to expensive mobile suits
Yeah she’s had a few,
I’m telling you,
It’s a world-wide conspiracy!

Prince Louise! Handsome is she!
Louise Hal-evy!
That goatee! I wish it could be!
Closer to me!
Well, get on out in that square
Come steel your nerves and prepare!
To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Louise!

She’s got ninety-five brown Kurdish jihad-kuns!
(She’s called the jihad, let’s fight the jihad)
And to join her she charges no fee!
(’Cept your parents! Kill your parents!)
She bends nations to her will for fun!
(Proud to work for him)
They bow to her whim!
It’s best for them!
They’re just scared into loyalty to Halevy!
Prince Louise!

Prince Louise!
The adversary! Louise Halevy!
Mike Trinity, wishes that he, was half as crazy
Well he saw the Regnant and thought “Why,–I think I’ll give it a try.”
Next thing you know, Andrei’s hit the floor,
She’s got beams, GN drives
And fang-oos galore!
Takes no alias, heads up to space,
And shows stupid Nena what for!
Can’t flee from Prince Louisei!

Bravo Louise Bravo!

Great Job Louise not quite up to Prince Ali’s level but you did good. I am sure the Prince would like to congratulate you for taking care of his unfinished business…

Can a I get a Trans GARham?

Oh Katie it all could have been yours…oh what Fight have been?

Nena jumps to fourth before getting offed by Louise who leaps ahead of the pack through her numerous almost rapes. Patrick is still MIA with Katie for their honeymoon while Prince Ali had better DON”T BE LATE if he wants to keep his lead.

]]> http://that.animeblogger.net/2009/03/02/gundam-00-s2-21-the-return-of-the-flag-fighter/feed/ 44 http://that.animeblogger.net/2009/02/23/gundam-00-s2-20-lyle-does-nothing-but-complain/ http://that.animeblogger.net/2009/02/23/gundam-00-s2-20-lyle-does-nothing-but-complain/#comments Tue, 24 Feb 2009 05:38:51 +0000 Crusader http://that.animeblogger.net/?p=15922

That should have been Katie’s 3rd Fleet!

God bless democracy! I approve of it highly but suffer from it extremely. This incidentally is not for quotation. – Captain Revive Revival Letters to Anew

Many celebrities and self-appointed authorities have returned from quick tours of war zones (some of them getting within hearing distance of the shooting) and have put out their personal theories to batteries of photographers and reporters. Some say the Federation soldier is the same clean-cut young man who left his home; others say morale is sky-high at the front because everybody’s face is shining for the great Cause.

They are wrong. The combat man isn’t the same clean-cut lad because you don’t fight a terrorist by Marquess of Queensberry rules. You shoot him in the back, you blow him apart with energy beams, you kill or maim him the quickest and most effective way you can with the least danger to yourself. He does the same to you.

He tricks you and cheats you, and if you don’t beat him at his own game you don’t live to appreciate your own nobleness.

If you’re a leader, you don’t push wet spaghetti, you pull it. The Federation Army still had to learn that. The A-Laws understand it. Prince Ali understood it. I always admired Prince Ali. Oh, sure, the stupid bastard was crazy. He was insane. He thought he was living in the Dark Ages. Soldiers were peasants to him. I didn’t like that attitude, but I certainly respected his theories and the techniques he used to get the Kurds out of their ruined hovels. – Captain Revive Revival

Jealous Lyle is Jealous…

Did we get a name for this thing? No Seriously…or should I just call it Gadessa Kai?

You mean Risky Business, where Lyle goes into Scientology…

So while CB gloats over the capture of Revival it seems that Anew simply can’t shoot straight at point blank and misses Lasse’s face and gets him in the stomach instead. This was terribly disappointing as Anew could have at least shot him in the crotch for shits and giggles. It is still unknown why Anew did not shoot Feldt, but had she indeed loved Lyle you can be sure that Feldt would have been shot in the face, or because Anew is the one squeezing the trigger the stomach. Somarie tries to get a double kill but Jihad-kun tires to pull a kill steal while Lyle gets in the way like a newb during a team death match. Lyle proves how criminal he is by saving desu Yellow from a most well deserved fate. Revival some how mistook the O-Raiser for the Gundam 00, but jacks it anyway after pwning Ian who could not handle a rifle to save his old ass. Saji stood around being useless while for some strange reason Revival did not up his kill count by offing Ian and Saji…

If Lyle only knew…

At least Lindt was never a rapist…

…

Once inside the O-Raiser Revival is aghast at the prospect of having to pilot the thing using the Windows ME OS. Red Haro saves the day as Revival gets trapped in the O-Raiser which is forced to dock. Revival clearly for got that he had a gun and could have easily killed off the docked Red Haro, but for some strange reason he only remembered when blasting the controls. Lyle is too focused on Anew to notice that he had a clear shot at Revival, so the light purple twins make off, while Lyle fumes that Revival-nii san could sync his thoughts with his imouto Anew. As Lyle weeps over getting dumped Jihad-kun wanting to become a bigger dick starts mocking that loser Lyle over his rejection. Haptism realizes that he better start putting Plan B into motion as Soma is winning the battle over the Marie occupier. Turns out, Plan B is to start making love to Lasse’s comatose body so that Haptism could stay in the running for the HathawayxQuess Award for shitty Gundam couple. Ribbons gives Louise a gift and acknowledges that Louise is going to get what Wang could not and gets to be one of the first humans to undergo the transformation and so far she has received the Mucanoid, Larraman’s Organ, Omophagea, Occulobe, Secondary Heart, Biscopea, Oolitic Kidney, Preomnor, Haemastamen, Multi-ling, Lyman’s Ear, Sus-an Membrane, Bechter’s Gland, Ossmodula, Neuroglottis, Catalepsean Node, and Progenoids, though Louise still has yet to receive the Black Carapce. She also gets a new Mobile Armor Regnant which Revival has high hopes for as he missies Katie and Patrick to the point he starts to take on some of their traits.

Fear the warth of Dark Amuro!

Scared Shitless Lyle.

So the tables have turned haven’t they Mr. Rapist?

Louise gets off to a good start almost raping Haptism twice and almost gets a kill on Tieria, and Somarie. Anew and Lyle go at it though since this is a weak sauce fight there isn’t any real dmage to speak of until Lyle goes Trans-Am and tries to tear off Anew’s Gadessa Custom in just to prove that the old serial rapist was still in him. Anew starts going Japanese school girl on us with her rape equals love thing after almost getting raped, but Ribbons brings it to a grinding halt as he was tired of the Lyle fantasy. Jihad-kun kill steals again, and kills off Anew after Lyle did all the hard work of beating her up and groping her. After the battle for some reason Car and Revival did not feel like beating the crap out of Ptolemy when it was undefended and left with Louise. Lyle starts a blanket party for Jihad-kun for kill stealing as the rest of the crew lines up to beat the crap out of that little traitor. Jihad-kun starts hearing Marina’s songs as he has suffered from long term GN Pixie dust abuse.

The best part of the whole episode.

If you have to ask…

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Stupid A.I.!

Impression:

So it seems that Eej allowed some one to kareoke and we all had to LISTEN TO HIS SONG, well played though it was awful…should have gone with something from DMC so that Krauser II would come back.  Well it seems that Anew could not shoot straight and neither could Nena, here was a chance to kill off a good number of the extras, but Sunrise sissied out in the end. Revival could have shot Ian and Saji after desu Yellow escaped, but no… Poor Revival could have had beaten out Andrei in the rankings, but I guess Sunrise cannot stand to see Saji shot like a snake. For a relationship they never really developed they tried awfully hard to make their audience care and be sad about all this. Unfortunately as they did not care to show this whirlwind romance of four months I did not care enough to give a damn. It also doesn’t help that Lyle was that lecherous when he made starting mouthing off about making Anew his woman and having his way with her… tearing off parts at the chest area and all that didn’t exactly have me cheering for Lyle. It just didn’t sit right with me, though Ribbons saved the day and Anew’s honor. After all we all know Lyle only got action in his GN powered mental hentai game.

WTF?! What is this? I see why Prince Ali kicked you out…I guess Sunrise really has no idea how to shoot. Though I have seen captured vids of terrorists shooting AK-47s like that…

OH SHI-

Fucking Windows ME! Take this!

Louise is on the fast track to greatness she can either be a great failure like Stellar or be as Great and Terrible as Anavel Gato in her new Mobile Armor, since they seem to want try and make the Saji thing work her mobile armor at least has a longer life expectancy. Once again though we get no explanation for why Care and Revival did not kick the shit out of Ptolemy, so they pulled another plot hole on us like they did when Prince Ali let Jihad-kun and Princess Poverty escape… Ribbons is doing the right thing, but still keeps Prince Ali on the bench. This was a great one for comedy as these superior Innovators could not achieve what the Great Prince Ali already has. Revival got lost and had to steal O-Raiser instead, and could not even get away with it. Katie and Patrick are probably well into their honeymoon by now and quite how Nena missed is beyond me, but really Ribbons is more than enough villain and we don’t need Wang anymore. With five eps to go there are a lot of things that can go wrong. If they seriously wanted us to care about Lyle and Anew then I fear what BS they plan on unleashing with Marie and Haptism, and the same goes for the much dreaded reunion of Saji and Louise and the increasingly likely Marina and Jihad-kun. It was derivative and over done for something they never bothered to develop and use a time skip on, Gundam 0080 did it better because they didn’t let the two say good bye and one never realized what she had done. The lack of a real good bye probably would have added a bit more tragedy to it, but Lyle was able to say good bye and we got something bittersweet instead, and by that I mean bitter than Anew is gone, but sweet in that she died pure.

Poor Revival is losing so many of his friends, first he missed out on following Katie and Patrick when they eloped and now he’s trying to fill in for them by trying to keep an eye on Louise and trying to teach Andrei the art of romance. Though I did love how he weaseled his way out of his interrogation. I hope that since Revival is going soft and not being a total dick to every one that he gets to see his beloved Katie again, though Patrick might take the opportunity to losrd it over him. Well I suppose at least one of the non-Ribbons Innovators is getting more development though I am not sure what to call Louise just yet. I hope Ribbons saves this show from the depredations of that kill stealing Jihad-kun in a Nu Gundam 00. Next time Bob shows up and he better Trans-GARham and kick serious terrorist ass.

Leaderboard wise it seems that Jihad-kun has started to kill steal from his teammates and almost became a team killer when he shot Lyle. Anew and Nena drop back down in the rankings as none of thier kills were any good. Revival could have shot up this time, but alas he failed to kill Ian and Saji. Louise is starting to come into her own now as she took on 3 guys by herself.  Let’s hope that real soon there will be some more frags to be had now that only five eps are left.

Patrick has all the luck
Saji has all the pain
Andrei gets zero breaks
Lyle does nothing but complain

Someone to take on a walk by the lake
Lord let it be me
Someone who’s shy
Someone who’ll cry at sad movies
I know I would die if I ever found out
She was fooling me
Youre just a dream and as real as it seems
I aint that lucky

Really Lyle has shitty luck…

- Hi Barbie!
- Hi Ken!
- You wanna go for a ride?
- Sure, Ken!
- Jump in!
- Ha ha ha ha!

I’m a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it’s fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let’s go party

I’m a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it’s fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

I’m a blonde single girl in the fantasy world
Dress me up, take your time, I’m your dollie
You’re my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky

You can touch, you can play
You can say I’m always yours, oooh whoa

I’m a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it’s fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

You prefer this then?

Hit him a bit harder, he’s starting to hear things…

You call that emotional turmoil?!

Well at least it is a short line…save some for me Soma.

So sad that Nena and Anew fell back down…

Because some one asked.

ARRRGGGGHHHHH Emergency Nakkid Jihad-kun protocol activate! Ah much better…

I have a family banquet to attend to, so post delayed and will be delivered piecemeal once again. Until then entertain yourself by imagining what happened in the pic above to alleviate the burning sensation induced by nakkid jihad-kun. thanks to the boys and girls at gg for moving at Macross Speed.

We must present democracy as a force holding within itself the seeds of unlimited progress by the human race, in direct opposition to the incompetent monarchy promoted by Celestial Being. By our actions we should make it clear that such a democracy is a means to a better way of life, together with a better understanding among nations. Tyranny inevitably must retire before the tremendous moral strength of the gospel of freedom and self-respect for the individual, but we have to recognize that these democratic principles do not flourish on empty stomachs, and that people turn to false promises of dictators like Klaus because they are hopeless and anything promises something better than the miserable existence that they endure. However, material assistance alone is not sufficient. The most important thing for the world today in my opinion is a spiritual regeneration which would reestablish a feeling of good faith among men generally. Discouraged people are in sore need of the inspiration of great principles. Such leadership can be the rallying point against intolerance, against distrust, against that fatal insecurity that leads to war. It is to be hoped that the democratic nations can provide the necessary leadership. – Homer Katagiri

Oh my they have a Berghof too…

Well Hilling Care was looking forward to her love triangle…

Lower your weapons or these clouds will part faster than the Red Sea for Moses.

So the great Gundam 00 commercial continues with many Aheads betting blown to bits and Saji lectures every one after he forced Louise into his sick fantasy. Quite why Sunrise thinks that we need to see more GN Pixie dust induced nakkidness is beyond me but apparently to was to satisfy some racist pricks. Any ways it seems that Klaus likes being Hollywood cool and fires his SMG from the hip with a Hollywood magazine, tragically he was not forced to pay for his gangsta style shooting and Marina was miraculously saved as the bullets passed harmlessly through her to hit the guys who killed Kenny, and it is FUCKING KENNY Klaus. Fortunately for Shirin the most hateful woman in the Middle East that the old Nazi escape tunnels to der Fuhrer’s mountain hideout was left intact after all these years. If we needed any more proof that that Klaus fellow was a National Socialist, here it is. Even if Kataron is unwilling to feed the starving masses building a Mountain hideaway in the AEU at the Berghof enjoyed unanimous support by the Kataron elite.

What was that about going back to the kitchen, mother fucker?

And loving Soma.

To liberate Soma from the clutches of that loser Haptism.

Lots of purple smoke could not hide the most heinous crime of the day as Saji mentally violated Louise. Not only did Saji force Louise into her old girly clothes because he was even more misogynistic than that creep Andrei, Saji wanted Louise to revert to her old air head, selfish self that has been mercifully absent since S1. While Louise was able to conjure up a gun Saji’s deal with the GN Devil made it impossible for her to shoot Saji and end it there. Seeing as how he could not change Louise sexual preferences he attempted to force her back into heterosexuality by trying to rape her. The horror was simply too much and thankfully Trans-AM ran out before Saji could complete his heinous crime. Louise was horribly shaken by the ordeal, and Andrei had to save her since Ginin was no longer amongst the living. Marie tries her best to be like Soma, but sadly she was unable to best Andrei, yet more proof that the loser Marie is still around as Andrei still draws breath. The only good thing that Gundam 00 Raiser did all day was to being back Hallelujah for all too brief a time. Tieria finally becomes useful by using his superior suit to capture Revival, or so he thinks…

The people who try to kill me, and the people who fight against me, are my enemies.

If the whole world has gone crazy, then I’ll believe in myself and keep on fighting. Saji… I will kill you.

Mission Accepted.

Apparently it was all a ruse by Ribbons who needed Revival to awaken Anew who gloriously shot Lasse, though because this is Sunrise we can only confirm if Anew made a bloody mess of that mangy dog in the next ep. Still there is much promise in Anew Returner as she was last seen taking that hated bitch desu yellow hostage. I hope Anew shot Feldt in the face and will end up killing desu yellow for good measure. If Soma has truly returned then she will shoot Anew by giving that desu-tard bitch a few new assholes. Ribbons has finally had enough of Regene’s bullshit and Bright slaps the glasses off her. Nena finally does something useful and kills of Ms. Wang who has gotten old and boring ever since S2 began, Hong Long proves how much ninjas suck compared to pirates, but being Captain Obvious and getting himself killed. Still this is after all a Sunrise series so we have to wait with bated breath for the confirmation of Nena’s kill. Having killed her benefactor though Nena will soon run out of batteries in which time perhaps Prince Ali will finish the job he started back in S1. Bushido Bob disappoints by merely watching the battle from afar, Goodman finally calls bullshit on the permit scheme citing how it was all for nothing, Hilling thinks otherwise and hopefully next time she can kick ass and avenge Stabity and Divine in her GARazzo. Prince Ali was still on vacation probably killing a few million Azadistanis and fat Seelians, while Katie and Patrick seemed to have eloped.

…

Omae o korosu

OH SHI- Louise can’t move.

Impression:

So yes Saji like any dumb Japanese male tries to say hello to Louise by raping her, you have to feel sorry for Louise she’s getting discriminated against for her sexual orientation by Andrei and Saji. They both tell her that she belongs in a dress and that she is supposed to be a dumb air headed blonde. The only real victim in Gundam 00 is Louise how has not only lost every one who she really cared about, but is also the target for the worst kind of discrimination that Gundam 00 has infamous for, while there is great tolerance for homolust yurilust doesn’t get nearly as much respect. The Ahead gets no respect and seems to have already become obsolete, Bob is starting to make himself a nuisance by showing up on time, but refusing to fight. It would have been so much more enjoyable had Bob entered the fray to Trans-GARham. Once again Prince Ali is no where to be seen thus keeping the kill count fairly low despite the efforts of Anew and Nena, at least with Ali we know his kills are always good.

Ginin: Then let me ask you (Louise): who is your enemy?

How many more times must I kill that girl and her dog? Smultron will not tell me anything. Tell me, Ginin!

News Flash Andrei GN Pixie Dust has been around since Ginin died…Still sad but true.

Katie and Patrick seemed to have eloped like Shiro and Aina, and if Patrick is lucky he will have consummated his love for Katie and be expecting a child, all without having to lose a leg in the process. I was very impressed by Revival making his way to awaken Anew, with a kiss I assume. I do hope Anew was malevolently playing with Lyle’s heart and will shatter it pieces when she kills Feldt and that desu yellow. I do hope Lasse is dead or at least comes out of this with a face most fucked up. If some how Anew missed at point blank to his face then we will know that Sunrise lacks the balls to kill off their favorite terrorists. Oddly enough Goodman is the only one who has the balls to call the Permit system complete and utter bullshit. I do hope they eventually touch upon what motivates Goodman to troll terrorists, after all it seems that Homer and Goodman have some mild disdain for these permit carrying Innovators. Bushido Bob is just too off his rocker to be taken seriously as that cosplayer is simply something else altogether.

I did enjoy what might very well be the slaying of Ms. Wang who has been nothing but a disappointment since S2 started, she was old haughty and she only revolted for immortality instead of doing the right thing by bathing in the blood of virgins. Nena may have just sealed her own doom by killing Ms. Wang, but knowing those CB fellows I am sure that Nena can get them to help her. If so I hope Louise really gets mad at Saji for harboring the murder of her family.

They did the mash, they did the monster mash…

Remember Andrei the Warrant belongs to Soma.

Soma heard you were making some moves on her Louise…

There is nothing more beautiful than a warrior with no distractions. One could say she is the closest thing to God.

…

Shut the fuck up Saji!

Soma will save Louise.

Poor Louise was not happy about what saji did to her.

Consider this a gesture of civility towards Bushido Bob. Remember this for the future; a war with no civility only gives rise to massacre.

I can’t stand the weak. They’re always nervous about when they might be next attacked. They can’t trust anybody and they never have an opinion of their own. I can’t stand such people! – Bushido Bob, said of Jihad-kun

Yeah Bob hasn’t been of much use either…

We have finally captured him, now Kamen Rider tell us where Takeshi Hongo is hiding.

Nataku Ribbons, tell me what to do, lead me down the correct path.

You’re going to self-destruct? That’s not a bad plan either…

Say good bye Releena Lasse.

But it’s my birthday…

I completely agree, all heil Dark Amuro!

Is that fear I sense Wang?

Next time Regene it will be more than you glasses that hit the floor.

I see that Nena did not get an upgrade to Drei, excellent that makes Louise’s job that much easier, unless Prince Ali finds Nena first…

I guess Prince Ali left a little bit of himself in Nena afterall…

Life is cheap. Especially yours.

I hope Anew kills desu yellow before she steals Gundam 00.

Tentative Rankings pending confirmation of recent kills, I can’t believe Nena might be blazing through the charts.

]]> http://that.animeblogger.net/2009/02/15/gundam-00-s2-19-turnabout-returner/feed/ 35 http://that.animeblogger.net/2009/02/08/gundam-00-s2-18-10-years-after-would-have-been-better/ http://that.animeblogger.net/2009/02/08/gundam-00-s2-18-10-years-after-would-have-been-better/#comments Mon, 09 Feb 2009 04:53:50 +0000 Crusader http://that.animeblogger.net/?p=15497

I hope they are having fun on their vacation.

On the occasion corresponding to this four years ago, all thoughts were anxiously directed to an impending War. All dreaded it—all sought to avert it. While the inaugural address was being delivered from this place, devoted altogether to saving the Federation without war, insurgent agents were in the city seeking to destroy it without war—seeking to dissolve the Federation, and divide effects, by negotiation. Both parties deprecated war; but one of them would make war rather than let the Federation survive; and the other would accept war rather than let it perish. And the war came.

One eighth of the whole population were Israelis, not distributed generally over the world, but localized in the Kataron part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was, somehow, the cause of the war. To strengthen, perpetuate, and extend this interest was the object for which the insurgents would rend the Federation, even by war; while the government claimed no right to do more than to restrict the territorial enlargement of it. Neither party expected for the war, the magnitude, or the duration, which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict might cease with, or even before, the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both plagiarize the same Old Testament, and pray to the same God; and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God’s assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men’s faces; but let us judge not that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered; that of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has his own purposes. “Woe unto the world because of offences, for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!” If we shall suppose that Kataron Slavery is one of those offences which, in the providence of God, must needs come, but which, having continued through His appointed time, He now wills to remove, and that He gives to both Federation and Kataron, this terrible war, as the woe due to those by whom the offence came, shall we discern therein any departure from those divine attributes which the believers in a Living God always ascribe to Him? Fondly do we hope—fervently do we pray—that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue, until all the wealth piled by the Israeli’s two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash, shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said “the judgments of the Lord, are true and righteous altogether.”

With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the world’s wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan—to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations. – Federation President 00bama

Kataron entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw, and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind. We are going to scourge Klaus’ Reich from end to end. We are bombing Kataron city by city, hideout by hideout and ever more terribly in order to make it impossible for them to go on with the war. That is our object, and we shall pursue it relentlessly. For the record I do not personally regard the whole of the remaining population of Kataron as worth the bones of one Feddie Grenadier. – Brigadier General Goodman

(Note: Here’s a small bit until a more precise sub becomes available, in the mean time feel free to contemplate how you plan on stealing Anew from Lyle)

Adding stuff in now…

You know it’s coming…

First though Patrick sent me a poem while he was hiding out with Katie.

There were thirty million Azadistani who talked of Kataron’s might,
There were twenty broken terrorists who lacked a bomb for the night.
They had both food and money, but they had neither service nor trade;
They were only shiftless terrorists, the last of Shirin’s Brigade.

They felt that life was fleeting; they knew not that art was long,
That though they weren’t dying of famine, they lived in deathless song.
They asked for a little million to keep the Automaton from the door;
And the thirty million Azadistani sent twenty pounds and four!

They laid their heads together that were scarred and lined and grey;
Keen were the Feddie sabres, but want was keener than they;
And an old Shirin muttered, “Let us go to the Princess who writes
The things on Jihad-kun the kiddies at her school recites.”

They went with bands or colours, a blob ten-men strong,
To look for the Master-singer who had crowned them all in her song;
And, waiting her servant’s order, by the garden gate they stayed,
An obese little cluster, the last of Shirin’s Brigade.

They strove to stand to attention, to straighten the couch-bowed back;
They drilled on a bloated stomach, the loose-knit files fell slack;
With stooping of weary shoulders, in pants tattered and frayed,
They shambled into her presence, the last of the Shirin’s Brigade.

The old Klaus was spokesman, and “Beggin’ your pardon,” he said,
“You wrote o’ Shirin’s Brigade, ma’am. Here’s all that isn’t dead.
An’ it’s all come true what you wrote, ma’am, regardin’ the mouth of hell;
For we’re all of us nigh to the workhouse, an’ we thought we’d call an’ tell.

“Yes, thank you, we want food, ma’am; but couldn’t you take an’ write
A sort of ‘to be continued’ and ’see next page’ o’ the fight?
We think that someone has blundered, an’ couldn’t you tell ‘em how?
You wrote we were ‘heroes’ once, ma’am. Please, write we are ‘starving’ now.”

The plump little army departed, limping and fat and forlorn.
And the heart of the Master-singer grew hot with “the scorn of scorn.”
And she wrote for them wonderful verses that swept the destitute land like flame,
Till the fatted souls of the Azadistani were scourged with the thing called Shame.

O thirty million Azadistani that babble of Kataron’s might,
Behold there are twenty terrorists who lack their bombs to-night;
Their children’s children are lisping to “honor the bombing they made – ”
And we leave to the streets and the workhouse the charge of Shirin’s Brigade!- Patrick “the Immortal” Colasour, Federation Satirist

Leaderbroad wise Team Gundam 00 Raiser gets bumped back down for failing to kill off Goodman who was so awesome he teleported out of the way…if only they got him and forced 00bama to create MECHA Goodman.

Sorry jihad-kun but you failed to kill off Goodman, or at least turn him into MECHA Goodman.

Unless this happens Soma is dead to me.

All that VF this Ain’t…

After fast forwarding 4 months into the future Kati and Patrick have run off as Homer who is sick of having to deal only with KFC desperately searches for them in order to have at least one competent commander. 00bama has merged the Feddie Army with the A-Laws to save on uniform costs and gray-blue paint. Sadly 00bama’s effort to one up Kawamori’s All that VF air show was a failure because there were no custom Aheads or Bushido Bob in Aoii. Feddie ion cannon production reaches a fevered pitch but it seems that despite the hubbub of having to kill one that the terrorists of CB have finally harnessed the power of Saji’s reach around to bring about great destruction in a fit of emo and lose. While 00bama gets his stimulus package passed Republicans such as Shirin would rather have no economy at all if they cannot get their tax cuts. Shirin is scared shitless as a black man has been re-elected in a landslide victory over the old Caucasian Klaus. Shirn was quoted to have said, “Damn that nigger spick Jew.” Nevertheless 00bama reached out with his automaton peace keepers in an effort to get Kataron to unclench their fists. Since Mizushima has realized what a terrible mistake it was to Marie off Soma, Marie found that her one true love was Wild Bear though with his death she can no longer play hard to get. Angry that Andrei is no Wild Bear and hot for Louise Marie decides that she wants to kill him in a fit of jealousy. Haptism being the loser harem animu male that he is can only watch with emo stare praying for the return of docile kitchen gofer Marie. Thankfully if God wanted the dumb bitch back he would have Maried it by now. As it stands Marie pretends to be Soma, but she is fated to not kill Andrie because Sunrise has to preach about forgiveness towards the end. The transformation is incomplete as this Soma while having the “fuck you losers” attitude I have come to expect, she has none of her lust for Louise. Haptism starts bawwing because his Marie won’t give him any and Somarie refuses his loser harem animu ways.

YES WE CAN.

Goodman: No, but Patrick went with her…

Homer: Fifty Bucks says she won’t tie the knot with the guy.

Goodman: Dude stop picking on Patrick, poor guy tries so hard. Besides, I got Seventy-five riding on Revival.

In Great Nation of  Azadistan woman stay in Kitchen.

Four months on Anew and Lyle are sleeping together but because Sunrise all of a sudden decided to cut the fan service that we did not get to see Anew’s Hopes and Dreams (Damn your censorship Sunrise I wanted to see Anew shirtless not that loser Jihad-kun! Fuck your manservice!). It was decried by the 00bama administration as complete and utter bullshit as Anew could never credibly fall for that loser Lyle. Feldt was sitting on her ass and taking it like a bitch as Lyle spilled the beans to the whole ship. Sumeragi despite being the reputed genius cannot figure out how the A-Laws are tracking them so well. Instead of sweeping the ship for tracking devices or interrogating Saji and Somarie Sumeragi starts dreaming of Billy instead. Revival misses Katie dearly and in an effort to usurp Patrick’s place as the master of love decides to give Andrei some advice on love. Andrei being a shit character that Sunrise doesn’t know what to do with vacillates between love of his mum and his lust for Louise. Seems Andrei only wanted an Ahead, and all he had to do for it was kill Wild Bear who stupidly removed the Pink Plot ERA for Taozi. While Andrie is being a dick, Louise learns the horrible truth about Andrei, but is now willing to kill Saji for his acts of terrorism and lose. Klaus and Kataron think that they can catch a break but 00bama will hunt them down and all who harbor them for regime change that we can believe in. Should the Feddies use automatons to hunt down terrorist scum? YES WE CAN.

I think we’re safe.

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our one weapon is surprise, fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise, and ruthless efficiency. Our three weapons are…

You Gonna get Raped.

Marina and her kids stuff their faces as the fat Seelian kid starts begging for pie. Big fat Seelian kid was also fighting with another boy so I guess that all Seelians want to be big shots and boss everyone else around. 00bama got sick of their song and sent a Feddie Kill Team to deal with the Ranka wannabe Marina and that Jihad-kun poser kid after triangulating their position through their radio broadcast after the locals complained that the song was interfering with the air waves. Sadly they only manage to Kill Kenny before Sunrise pussied out and did not let us see the Feddies give Marina a new asshole. Renge and Ribbons go at it over Wang and Veda, though at this point Ribbon’s is quickly losing his just as planned mystique as he did not take advantage of Wang’s desire for immortality. It seems Wang wants to see the world burn so that she could turn back time since the time skips that have made her old, boring, and ugly. Still Hong Long would still hit it for some WINcest. Nena seeing as how being a loli in Toradora is more fun skips out on this episode.

The Audacity of Hope is so terrifying…you racist bitch.

But Rush Limbaugh loves this song….

Well, everything. Soma, if that is your real name, you must kill Saji and claim Louise…otherwise your are still Marie.

Impression:

Well it seems that Sunrise has discovered the wonders of a time skip and can now spare us the awkward duty of having to explain how the hell that loser Lyle bagged Anew and how Andrei finally got Louise to talk to his momma’s boy ass. This series has become 100% bullshit first off it is utter bullshit for Anew to be going into Lyle’s bed for any reason at all, I do not accept this as plausible and really this GN induced retardation of Anew is getting out of hand. Secondly if Soma were really back she’d kill Haptsim and take Arios for herself instead of piloting GN Archer, also she would have shot Saji in the face so that Louise would beliong to her alone. How dare they try and pass off this marie as Soma, the Soma I knew would have stabbed Saji for being a cunt within 1 hour let alone four days. Overall the time skip is on the one hand it’s great on the other hand it proves that Sunrise cannot do romance and is better off not trying. With the departure of Katie and Patrick it seems that since 00bama could not be credibly evil he has to be cartoon evil after having Goodman and Homer try to elevator drop themselves. At least back in the old days they knew that even a failed colony drop could carry consequences, but here it seems that the Feddies are so into tree hugging that they cleaned it all up in 4 months and got the Africa Tower up and running again. If only Obama were that damn good so he could get that stimulus package passed. 00bama Is clearly a man of change as his government cannot only clean up the environment, he reformed the military, and almost hunted Kataron down to extinction. This man deserves four more years, if only that racist Klaus gave 00bama a chance to do good instead of trying to bully him with terrorism.

Sure you are, only after you kill Saji and kiss Louise…

Fuck you Lyle, don’t even think about it.

You still have to kiss Lousie to reactivate your account.

Sad to see that the descent of the Feddies into evil required them to drop their own elevator on themselves, well if we are lucky well get the Stardust Memory equivalent that tries to explain 00bama’s first days in office. So Bob has decided to name his new suit, Aoii, though I am really starting to dislike the fact that Bob only got a small cameo with no fighting and Prince Ali is still no where to be found. It’s fine if they want to do a time skip to gloss over how they can’t write a romance, but it’s high time that the heavy hitters start making their moves. Saji is back in the fight though at this point I care little for his bullshit reasons as it seems the time skip spared us the crying and whining. With greater speed though the action has to be up to par and having Prince Ali be a no show is not going to help that. Ms. Wang finally makes her move but her reasons seem rather lame, immortality…it’s rather cliché but whatever the sooner Ribbons orders Prine Ali to kill her the better. Renge and Ribbons finally start to have a falling out and I hope Dark Amuro makes Renge pay dearly, another kill for Prince Ali perhaps?

Ribbons’ gaze pierces earth, cloud, shadow, and flesh…

That’s right…

Enjoy growing old and ugly bitch.

Andrei is turning out to be a shit character, he kills his dad for an Ahead, though I guess if this is the price that we must pay to see Louise shoot Saji or at least dump his ass again so be it. Overall the chance for being one of the best AU Gundams pretty much went out the door when the Feddies dropped their own elevator onto themselves and the only way the terrorists can become heroes is if guys like Andrei have no moral conscience at all. Trying to sell me the idea of Anew falling in bed with Lyle was galling to say the least and indicates once again how broken these damned GN Particles are. At first Andrei seemed to have some principles and limited himself to lusting after Louise, but now… Well if CB is fighting guys like Andrei it’s hard not to look heroic. As such I just want to see Saji get heart broken again when Louise gives him a new asshole for Jihad-kun to sodomize. Marie decides to avenge Wild Bear, though if it truly were Soma she would have killed Haptsim and Jacked a Gundam by now…instead this Marie is wandering around with faux rage when her desertion was the direct cause for Andrei getting to do whatever he pleased. She should have stuck with Katie then at least Andrei could have been kept in check. Speaking of Katie and Patrick I hope they rally the Feddie Regulars and the good half of the A-Laws that weren’t in on the “Just as Planned” Elevator Drop. Revival seems to have discovered the power of love I hope he lives long enough to vie against Patrick for Katie’s hand, but I guess if there is going to be a way out for Katie and Patrick it might as well be Katie’s innovator admirer. Even with the bullshit big brother line that it being towed, it’s not that terrible if Patrick can slip under the radar. Well at least Kataron has been hounded to extinction so we no longer have to put up with how utterly useless they are. I liked it more when the Federation was just an unprincipled nation state and not generic evil empire #3720. Was it too much to hope that 00bama would have been almost 10% Stalin?

Obligatory Dauntless Shot.

Louise?

I know… It’s those damned GN Particles again…

Don’t forget the Ahead.

I hope that Marina gets a bullet to the brain after the Feddies gloriously killed Kenny (IT”S FUCKING KENNY, Kelly is a girl’s name), even if the Feddies are being forced into the evil empire caricature I can at least enjoy what little damage they can do to the terrorist scum of CB and Kataron (now more useless than before). Funny how they did not see that automaton coming down the street… Next Week I bet Prince Ali will remain MIA though if Sunrise had a pair of balls he’d have Louise kill Saji. Revival probably gets captured and if we are lucky we will get some twincest before Revival makes a great escape to rejoin Katie and make Patrick a sad puppy.

Only Andrei doesn’t have a permit…

Louise frowns upon you shennanigans Andrei.

This episode is just piling up the bullshit…

Louise it’s time you came to realize that all men are scum and that Soma is your one true love.

I see Care is keen on being the next Patrick.

Leave it to Moi.

Oh ho…so Louise do you want to have a night of you and Soma that went on forever and ever?

Or how about a party? For just the two of you? Invitation Razor for cutting off buttons and bust insertion optional of course…but preferred.

Ginin had forseen this…

YES YOU CAN.

Sure you  and while you’re at it help Soma off Andrei too.

Yeah Anew really wanted to sleep with Neil, heard he was better.

So the Priest didn’t have to go that far in between visits…

Oh SHI- Anew is Lutheran…

Damn those GN Particles! How dare Lyle use them to steal her lucious lips?!

Fear not Anew for Revival nii-san will save you!

Sorry but bro-con isn’t for old bitches like you…

More Dauntless Love.

I miss Ginin now more than ever…

LOUISE CONTINUE TO FIGHT!

Ginin will be with you, always.

Here I was hoping for Aoii-san to make a dynamic entry…

Hell Yeah ERUPTING BURNING FINGER!

Master Asia says DON”T BE LATE!

…

Dude at least remember his name Klaus, It was Kenny BTW…

Ready to lose you wanking hand Saji?

Revival misses Katie too…if only she told him about her vaction.

I think I am starting to see things that aren’t really there…

I am thoroughly euphoric and shit faced from the Super Bowl and intermittently passing out from food coma after walking back with my bike from the bar. Place holder post for now, will update leader board and this post when I sober up by tomorrow afternoon. Congradulations to Super Bowl XLIII Champs, the Pittsburgh Steelers for breaking the record for most Super Bowl Wins the 49ers will catch up someday… One of the best games I have seen, Interception with a 100 yard return, AMAZING. Good job Cardinals for hanging in there and coming back from an 11 point deficit, a Super Bowl first IIRC. Feel free to work teh RAGE HAET for Andrei. Damn chilli fries…I wish I could quit you. (Yeah I like football and my team is one of the worst, sue me)

If you kill someone, if you have do is it somehow better to do it clean with a bullet through the head? Is it some how worse to chop them up with an axe? What if you have to kill ten, or a hundred, or a thousand? What if in doing so you save a thousand or spare ten? What if you save yourself? What is the measure of a man or of his murder? By what insane calculus can we answer questions like these? Should we even try? – Major General Katagiri

Current Standings, I can’t believe Andrei just shot up to the 4th place…

I’ll skip the summary again because I have some mild wrist problems and am in desperate need of an ergonomic keyboard, I also need better meds that Motrin. It was a shooting gallery for the most part and we learned about how much of terrible father Sergei was to Andrei, who later developed an oedipal complex that resulted in Andrei shooting up to 4th place on the leaderboard. It was rather confusing initially in regards to what Homer was trying to achieve, at first it seemed as if he was simply going to blow the Africa tower all to hell and hence the pull back of the Feddie Army, but now right when Kataron sallied from the Africa Tower the Feddies were out there waiting for them. It’s a significant continuity error since by all rights the Feddies were in no position to tear Kataron a new asshole the minute they got out of the elevator. Also how did Divine get into space when Empress was with Katie’s fleet? Goodman ordered it to sortie but at the time it was on the surface. Glaring errors aside it seems that Homer wasn’t going to blow it all to hell only the low orbit station and even then he wasn’t telling Goodman to aim dead center. Given how Memento Mori only dropped a few degrees after it was hit I suspect Homer only gave Goodman the go ahead to blast off part of the station to let it depressurize and kill everyone in it. The High Orbit Station seems to have some how kept the tether up, but whether from broken physics or that the other two towers kept the entire thing up is beyond me as I have no idea how much engineering would have gone into them. Katie certainly thought Homer was going to blow apart the entire low-orbit station but the angle of the shot makes me doubt that even Katie knew what Homer was up to. No one seems to be talking to one another even within the A-Laws.

Andrei is clearly hot for mommy. Also Ginin’s was better.

Mein Oberst you can always call Homer and see how much off his rocker he is…

Peace through Superior firepower.

Given how it seems Homer is ignorant of media manipulation by VEDA the second wave of automatons were probably meant to cut the line of retreat for Hank and his coup plotters, given how no one other than Hank knew what he was really up to and Homer’s automatons were not making headway he probably wrote off the hostages as walking dead. Even if there were cameras it seems Ribbons and VEDA altered them before any one saw them, Homer probably didn’t see them first since there were trust issues between him and the Innovators. I assume that for Homer the Feddie government was not going to give in to Hank’s demands and that Hank would start killing hostages in an attempt to get concessions. Judging by Billy’s statement it seems probably that Homer was going to off Hank and the hostages so that the Feddie Army could storm the tower and leave it largely intact without worrying about who was caught in the middle. I think I can catch what Homer was trying to do even of Goodman is off his rocker, I guess for the original core that formed the A-Laws peace was to be preserved by any means necessary, hence why Homer felt that peace was precious even if Hank decried it as false. So far only 00bama and Ribbons seem to fully understand what is going on with Homer and the A-Laws being played for saps, and why Homer was seemingly ready to resign in disgrace over the matter. No cover up would have prevented the Feddie Fleet from seeing Memento Mori blast chunks out of the low orbit station, and given that there was no evacuation quieting those people who were still around the tower for what ever reason would have been impossible even more so now that the loyalty of the Feddie Regulars was not as sure as it once was.

More like dirt stupid Hank.

Wait why is there still Global Warming? Or is the heated atmosphere between these two the cause?

If so you’re aim was already off…

Since the automatons failed to get a beach head going and were taken care of fairly easily sending in the troops would still have resulted in dead hostages with even more bloodshed in urban fighting. It would have boiled down to bullets, grenades, and bayonets and it would have been slow going. In that regard there wasn’t much that could be done to resolve it quickly, the fundamental problem here as in everywhere was that no one was talking I doubt Homer knew what Hank was really trying to do, and given how Hank never seems to have even wanted to chat with Homer both made some assumptions about the other. As far as Hank was concerned the Feddies were going to off the civilians because they knew too much, when it probably seemed to Homer that the terrorist Hank was just going to kill them off anyways as a bargaining chip against Parliament that refused to negotiate, after all that’s what normally happens with hostages. Even if there was movement of the hostages the logical assumption would have been that Hank was moving them off for later use. Maybe if they met they could have guessed what each was trying to do, but they never so much as even talked face to face.

FLAG service.

We need an Enact based equivalent of Masurao…

For a guy named Hercules he sure is adept at being Wild Bear’s bitch…

Ah well the shooting gallery produced a lot of dust and dead, it did prove at least that when the chips were down the Feddies and A-Laws were willing to work as erstwhile allies with their enemies. In the end though, Hank and his coup will get all the blame along with Kataron and Celestial Being. Hank messed up big time by thinking that he was safe in the Africa Tower, from a strategic point of view the Feddies could not have let the situation drag for long, and loss of the tower would have threatened their energy reserves which were vital to the Feddie economy. Moreover Hank provided a focal point and could have used the Africa Tower as a haven for Kataron, and CB. In fact if Katron was moving equipment into the elevator I doubt Homer and the rest of the Federation can hardly be blamed for thinking that Kataron was establishing a new base with their new terrorist buddies led by Hank. Once taking it through Automaton failed, a long siege would have been costly in terms of blood, money, and resources. Taking out Hank and the hostages would have eliminated the need to go slow and hopefully would have left the coup plotters some pause as their hostages were already dead and could not be used to stop an advance. Still no one seemed to care much about the civilians, for Hank they had to be punished, and for Homer they were already beyond saving even if he tried.

Hank certainly lost most of his manliness after being manhandled.

Behold the power of Saji’s Reach Around.

That’s one bulimic elevator.

GN Archer showed up and boy does it look rather feminine. The first sortie did not rock my world though as shooting a few menacing solar panels is hardly the kind of thing that gets me excited. Maybe it will rock when it kills Andrei. Still I am proud of Louise for being able to follow Katie’s orders, so Ginin has indeed taught her well. Andrei on the other hand was getting too hot blooded and started acting without orders. I can sort of understand how Andrei could kill Hank since Hank was made out to be worse than he was and Hank Hercules was destroying the peace that Andrei’s mum had always wanted. Killing Sergei though was more of heat of the moment thing, let’s be honest Sergei was much more of a father to Soma than he was to his own son, after Holly’s death Sergei didn’t even want to face his son for what happened. Besides for painting Taozi blue Sergei probably deserved to die in Andrei’s view, because Taozi would have been kept pink. Funny how Soma might have smoothed things over, but Marie showed up ran away with her loser boyfriend, and now pretends to have cared.

I prefer GM Cannons myself.

…Really showing Kataron how it’s done.

Good job Kataron. Also no you cannot have it.

I have no idea what Ribbons is trying to accomplish by letting Hank do as he pleased and could have lost the Africa Tower in the process. I guess for an Innovator he feels he has all the time in the world, even if it all went to hell Ribbons could still start from scratch. Now that we know he thinks little of his creations I wonder how many Innovators will turn on him. Maybe Revival can make it out alive if he sides with Katie. Speaking of Katie I wonder what happens now that the Africa Tower got banged up real good, it seems that it did not fall, but the rail link was totaled. As glorious as Katie’s cavalry charge was I wonder why Revival and Care were left behind, also where was Patrick? I would have expected at least Revival to show up but I guess Ribbons forbade them or something. Well it will be interesting to see a Federation that is really out for blood after this, 00bama is going to blame Hank and Kataron for this and Ribbons will be more able to take advantage of the atmosphere of fear.

You have to wonder when CB and Jihad-kun will finally attack the root of the problem instead of siding with Kataron every time they cause trouble. They have known for some time, but given how no one is talking and Sumeragi is not pleading Katie to give her some mercy I trust that CB is going to kill a lot more people before they take on Ribbons. If only they weren’t so dumb, they know about VEDA, Sumeragi knows Katie is no idiot, and Jihad-kun knows who Ribbons is, but still no direct action against Ribbons. Saji is trying to become useful, but right now all he is doing is giving Jihad-kun a power up with a reach around. Moreover where the hell is Prince Ali and Bushido Bob? I can’t see why either would have passed up a good fight. It’s frustrating how two top tier pilots go MIA every time something major happens, Ribbons has them on his pay roll so really what gives?

Next week they do a time skip so they can avoid the awkward building of Anew’s character and her fall into the evil arms of Lying Lyle. Also it seems we are in for more day care. Marina’s statement about her song reaching every one has me thinking that there will be a concert somewhere down the line, it better be epic and there has to be a holosuit.

…Kick your ass.

Looks like Ginin’s teachings have served you well Louise.

Oh no, she thinks like Ranka…

What a waste…

Yeah the tether is still holding…

Andrei goes long…TOUCHDOWN!

Oh when Holly died you sent her off with a straight face, but when hank dies…

Hank definitely, but Wild Bear…?

Well he did remove that lovely Pink paint scheme…

He’s your kid, you tell me…

You taught him patience right?

And you are a moma’s boy.

Go Louise, KILL SAJI, flute raep MARIE!

You sure mommy would have wanted it that way?

Also he doesn’t sound manly when says that.

If only you listened Wild Bear, you could hav still had the loli too ya know…

Those are some lackluster last words…should have been preceded by FUCK YOU.

Oh SHI- is that rule 63ed Corner? This isn’t heaven…

And you thought leaving with you loser boyfriend was going to help matters…

Objections were raised over Sunrise’s new stance on screen caps and fan art, but to no avail. Thus, only non-Sunrise Mecha can now be posted…

In the course of my life I have very often been a prophet, and have usually been ridiculed for it. During the time of my struggle for power it was in the first instance only the Feddie race that received my prophecies with laughter when I said that I would one day take over the leadership of the Middle East, and with it that of the whole world, and that I would then among other things settle the Feddie problem. Their laughter was uproarious, but I think that for some time now they have been laughing on the other side of their face. Today I will once more be a prophet: if the international Feddie financiers in and outside of the Federation should succeed in plunging the nations once more into a world war, then the result will not be the Unification of the earth, and thus the victory of the Feddies, but the annihilation of the Feddie race!

Our time has come to fight against the Federation, our honored martyr Hercules has put the fear of a military coup in their minds. We have been bombing the hated Feddie for over three years for not giving us what is right fully ours. With our Celestial Being protectors we have only to kick in the door and the whole rotten structure will come crashing down.– der Fuhrer Klaus

No Summary because I lack screen caps to beak up the wall of text, more on that later.

One of the few things Gundam 00 I can post.

Impression:

First off the bat Sunrise has elected to be a bunch of pricks and has started sending out messages to suppress screen caps and fan art that is posted outside of their sites. Hence forth I suppose there will be no more screen caps, and worse less fan art for Gundam 00 in my posts. I don’t have to do this but I just want to demonstrate how Sunrise has its head so far up it’s ass that they have doubled back to talk out of their asses. Given how I don’t know how to write moon runes nor do I have a desire to ask Uncle Sam to bitch slap them and idiotry I suppose we all have to go to Omni from now on because I trust that the boys and girls at Random C know enough moonspeak to ask for permission. I get to keep my leaderbaord though, but sadly I can not longer post screen caps of Lovely Louise and Mein Oberst. I do expect a drop in people reading these walls of text but using pictures as homologous replacements will have to do for the short term. For those of you who know a bit of moon please write some hate mail to the pricks at Sunrise at how dumb their decision is. Maybe things will change, but who knows. Still I think that the collective fandom should simply abide by their idiot rules so that their sales take a hit from a lack of fan fueled promotion. I love Gundam, but I simply loathe Sunrise for being so crass about abusing Gundam fans in places they can reach them. I guess there might be a drop in fan art, and that is the real point of contention for me.

Well I have to hand it to Ribbons for having mad photoshop skills, that was some real quick quality ones if I say so myself. I suppose many will find hank to have been a noble man, but I still see the man as a hateful man who uses the same rhetoric that many a General forming a junta would use. His talk of his right to whip civilians into shape and to correct them was altogether disgusting. At least Hank had a citizenry that was largely well behaved hell the people I have to protect aren’t above giving me crap and treating veterans like crap too, but hey I am sure the men who rule Burma would have loved Hank. Even if the A-Laws sent in tachikomas Hank was not doing the civilians any favors by herding them into the path of the Feddie advance. Given the orderly evacuation redirecting human traffic would not have been hard. Clearly no one in Sunrise knows how to fight in constricted terrain, and even if Hank was doing an evacuation funneling civies down a hot corridor is not how you would get things done if your intention was to save people. Instead it seems that Hank was letting the tachikomas and civilians collide so they could all see the coup plotters as heroes instead of the bastards who were putting their ideals first and their safety fourth. They had bullet proof shields and yet none were employed specifically to shield civilians. Worse still what the hell happened to that snazzy internal defense gird that saw off the recon tachikomas? The security system must have been designed rather stupidly if there were sections that had no hidden turrets. This Sunday time slot is keeping things way too tame, only one guy was gun downed while another was hit by stray bullets as the tachikomas were firing at that squad of coup plotters. Really the how the hell did VEDA get a third person shot of the killer tachikoma in the first place?

I also like how Hank was keeping his Feddie Army POWs with him and only evacuating the civilians whom he wanted to manipulate, way to show your former comrades any decency there Hank. The problem with Gundam 00 S2 is the same one a few of my friends had with Zeta as the corruption of the Earth Sphere Federation was not really shown, the time skip may have saved us a lot of time, but one has to wonder about what sort of terrorism Kataron was perpetuating in those three years since their coming. The Feddies only gave a damn about the Middle East once CB showed up as allies of Katron, so after four years of ignoring the place and three years of terror attacks I guess something had to be done. Well I suppose now the Federation is finally cartoon evil though it seems it will be the unwitting civilians, and soldiers who have to pay the price. There might be a schism later, but the thought of Klaus and Jihad-kun getting a heroes welcome when this is all over sickens me.

Since not trusting anything is the moral lesson where, why should we trust CB, Kataron, and Hank. I did not see proof that Hank did not make those demands so I will have none of it. Honestly Ribbons is certainly dumber than the Israelis. Ribbons had the schematics and the know how to hack and carryout a commando raid. Just because they heard Hank spouting shit doesn’t mean that they buy it let a lone give a damn. Hell would you believe some guy who took you hostage and told you all sorts of things? Probably not because if the terrorist had a good argument he would not need to wave a gun at you to make you accept it. I suppose there will be no grand commando raid on the level of the Entebbe Raid. Not only would have Ribbons made the Feddies look better it would have at least boosted the morale of the Feddie Army and restored their honor and even if a few died, it would have been a tragedy that could have been laid on Hank, most importantly of all though you ensure the Feddie Army remains loyal because they get trusted with such a task. You’d be surprised how much soldiers can be whipped into frenzy when one of their numbers does something that disgraces the uniform. By the way where is 00bama? Where is this evil Sunrise counterpart to my boss? Come on Sunrise you know you want to rain on President Obama’s parade or could it be that Obama is so awesome that you actually have to take your preconceived notions back in S1 with early S2 and shove it up your ass? I confess having President Obama is a real boon.

Really though an army is not a deterrent, nukes are a deterrent, if Hank had his head on straight he would know that, but as a Sunrise proxy I guess he never would have realized how very wrong he was. If Hank were right there would be no war, and people of the real world just love to troll Sunrise IRL. So it’s tried and true don’t trust your government crap I have come to expect from people with tin foil hats. Honestly though who can you trust then? I do however wish that every anarchist or pretend anarchist would just move to Somalia and stop spouting their shit, though unlike Hank I wouldn’t point a gun at them and tell them to do it. It is said by the shallow and the dumb that on man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter, the difference for me is that a terrorist only does shit on camera, a freedom fighter keeps going at it alone if need be and even if the cameras aren’t rolling. Case in point terrorists are like Hamas who bravely pussied out when IDF tanks started rolling in, Hamas asked for a party but did not bother to show up and make the IDF pay for every inch of Gazan soil. Freedom fighters are the poor forgotten bastards of KNLA who have been fighting the Burmese Junta for 60 years in a defensive war to protect their villages that has decimated their ranks with no outside help and a bunch of NGOs that can’t get them any sort of publicity. Same applies to every ethnic minority group that is stuck with the Burmese Junta. Go ahead and find out more, I see a difference even if you don’t.

Bob was shunted off to the side for Hank and in the end it wasn’t as breath taking as I hoped it would be, but hey at least he actually crossed swords and did not simply make a cameo. I still hold out hope for Katie and Patrick, but for me the less than noble coup, the sympathy for terrorists in light of what is going on in the world, and the Sunrise crackdown on screen caps and fan art is making me less inclined to spend as much time making a Gundam 00 post. Next time Memento Mori makes a return though if I see three of the fucking things at once I am calling quits. Still not sure how firing the Ion Cannon at the Africa Tower makes any sense, but hey I am sure there will have a good excuse. Bob almost raped Jihad-kun who was so dumbstruck by Trans-GARham that no pursuit was made after massing 4:1 odds against Bushido Bob. Still awaiting the return of Prince ali to light that boards on fire with a kill streak now that shit should have hit the fan with the second coming of Memento Mori.

On a side note I do wonder how long this no screen cap thing will last, it makes the process less enjoyable for me to be honest. I did enjoy lovingly posting screen caps of Katie and Louise, but now Sunrise seeks to rob me of that joy. I’ll keep the leaderboard going but because I am a cynic future Gundam posts might end up a lot shorter and a bit empty. I hope the crack down in Japan will fail, and Sunrise corrects itself, but in a rare show of solidarity to protest the inclusion of fan art as well I’ll play Sunrise’s little game.

I just remembered the server isn’t in Singapore, SCREEN CAP ON. Also pardon the over kill.

Now Starring Prince Ali as Isamu Dyson.

I am under no illusion that our present strategy of using means short of destroying the orbital elevators to achieve our ends and oppose Celestial Being and Kataron is a guarantee that a world war will not be thrust upon us. But a policy of patience and determination without provoking a world war, while we improve our military power, is one which we believe we must continue to follow….Under present circumstances, we have recommended against enlarging the war from Kataron and Celestial Being to also include the A-Laws. The course of action often described as a limited war with the A-Laws would increase the risk we are taking by engaging too much of our power in an area that is not the critical strategic prize.

The A-Laws are not a powerful faction seeking to dominate the world. Frankly, in the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, this strategy of yours would involve us in the wrong war, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with the wrong enemy. That which you propose is not only unsound but tantamount to mutiny, sedition, and treason. It’s not your place or ours to decide what is best for the Federation, Colonel. Any coup on your part or ours is contrary to the principles of democracy and would only lead to the establishment of a junta, a junta no matter how well intentioned is still thoroughly undemocratic. I will not depose a flawed President such as Mr. 00bama that was elected in a free and fair election to put in his place Col. Hank Hercules who wishes to prop himself up with self righteousness and guns. – Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff, Fleet Admiral Wenli

The difficulty in understanding Hank Hercules is that we do not take cognizance of the fact that he is not a Feddie, but a Zeke, and therefore thinks deviously. We can no more understand a Zeke than a Seelian or an Azadistani, and from what I have seen of them, I have no particular desire to understand them, except to ascertain how much lead or iron it takes to kill them. In addition to his other Zeke characteristics, this Hank Hercules has no regard for human life and is an all out son of bitch, barbarian, and chronic drunk. – Major General Homer Katagiri

Indeed now Jihad-kun has been fully neutered, at least Heero lasted until Endless Waltz…

Did I mention how much I love these Dauntlesses?

ZOMG Innovator Babies ahoy!

As Miszushima takes a second whiff of Kawamori’s hookah things are looking more Macrossian by the minute. Not only is the power of song becoming more prominent, but also Jihad-kun is starting to get funny dreams, nevertheless because Jihad-kun was so boring to begin with even in his own dreams he is unoriginal and seeks to emulate Kratos, but with a much reduced level of awesome. Sadly because Jihad-kun is a moron he forgot to get a bicycle and peddle his way to Minmei Princess Poverty. The kids are making a thorough nuisance of themselves and it seems that what was true in the original Mobile Suit Gundam has not changed, the kids are annoying and should never have been brought back. Fortunately though Kawamori’s stash has brought about some decent changes in the script as the Seelian fat ass was finally put on a diet and barred from stealing food. The reintroduction of Lockon Mk I completes the circle as we now have a love triangle between Jihad-kun, Princess Poverty, and Lockon Mk I.

Parliament also ignored calls to overturn Roe v. Wade…how evil.

But he’s Hercules…surely he can lift Goodman a few feet.

Let’s hope your aren’t up against Duke Zalisch Tytania.

Hank Hercules declares that he is going ahead with his coup and mocks Sergei for being a principled soldier in not wishing to take part in a future junta. Hank even brings up Sergei’s dead wife in an effort to look righteous. Sergei tells Hank to STFU and GTFO. To his credit Hank gave a wonderful excuse for his power grab, but as all real mecha fans have seen LOGH and uphold the Spirit of Yang Wenli Hank’s calls for a coup were spat upon. Like any would be Pinochet Hank tries to enlist the help of the sworn enemies of the Federation, Kataron and Celestial Being, and puts his own desire for an Outer Haven above the needs of the Federation Citizenry.

Katie and her crew return from space and are called upon to rapidly mobilize in an operation against CB. Hilling Care starts hitting on Divine who was sorely disappointed that his twin Stabity was Danned to Death. Care inquires as to the qualities of Katie as Lindt was a mere major. Revival gives a stellar recommendation on Katie’s behalf as Katie is very smart and ought to take a job with Tytania or LOGH. Andrei makes an ass of himself in asking Louise to be more feminine and for the sake of Saji no less. Louise tells him off and informs Andrei that she has dumped Saji and has no intention of going back to the kitchen. Patrick sees this and is sorely disappointed in Andrei, clearly the son of Wild Bear is doing it wrong. Andrei being an idiot rejects Patrick’s offer of advice, and years later Andrei regretted his folly. Billy begged his uncle to let him go to the front, but Katie makes it clear that Billy does not belong and that his back seat commanding is most unwelcome. Katie decides that now is the time to bring an end to Kujou in order to avenge her men and Captain Ginin. Louise agrees and they finally sortie, Patrick is taken off the line and Katie borrows his immortality much to Patrick’s delight. Without Gundam 00 Raiser CB is easily overwhelmed as Divine makes short work of Tieria and Haptism. Marie wishes to go out and help but is dismayed that Louise is now the pilot of Smultron. Fighting off Soma Marie goes to the hanger of GN Archer, but as fate would have it Katie had to call off the attack because Hank took control of the Africa Tower.

Yang Wenli would be sad if you did Sergei…

Cuz Hank is above the law.

Some friend you are Hank…

Hank had achieved complete surprise and the Federation recalled all available forces to cordon off the Africa Tower. Jihad-kun now a sissy who has problems killing finally meets face to face with Bushido Bob. Jihad-kun insults the good Samurai, but is quickly terrified once Masaruo demonstrates that it too can become red when he activates Trans-Graham which is powered by GAR and spirit as opposed to Trans-Am which is powered by lose, emo, and fail.

Hank, pwned.

Cuz Hank knows he will lose.

If so why are you cooperating with hostile foreign powers?

Impression:

Well it seems that we are definitely entering into a Kawamori scenario in regards to Princess Poverty and Jihad-kun. Sadly it is a bit late to try and add some spark to this one, but I am sure someone will declare it the Greatest Romance EVAR. Ah yes the coup, as an admirer of Yang Wenli’s principles I cannot endorse this coup, every coup starts out with nice words, but they all end in the same manner, with blood. Hank has it all wrong the A-Laws are not pulling 00bama’s strings and the reality is quite the opposite. Now that Hank and his coup plotters have demonstrated a willingness to beg Kataron for aid I doubt that they have the best of intentions. Moreover it seems most of the Federation Army remains loyal to the civilian government while Hank has only a handful of supporters in comparison. In the long term though, Hank has damaged the credibility of the entire Federation Army as now the loyalty of the regular army is going to be questioned. It would not be permissible for the US military to overthrow Bush under any circumstances even though there are those who think it (foolishly I might add) for the greater good. The moment that any military initiates a coup, it is a rejection of the democratic system that relies on building consensus and replaces it with a junta propped up by guns. While Hank speaks beautifully about wanting a better government all democracies are at some level corrupt as is any other form of government. Even so deposing 00bama for Col. Hank Hercules is not a step forward for democracy it is a step back and established a precedent where by the military has the ability to intervene in the affairs of the government at will.

I guess Hank is out of a job then…

Okay we need to get this guy an eye patch and a knife. He will be needing a new name, I propose Big Boss.

Cut! No the line reads “War has changed…”

To be fair I don’t see Gundam overall as an endorsement of democracy, but rather in favor of an enlightened despotism, as in the case of Char and most overtly in SEED. To be fair even in Japan there is a romanticism of coups, the Minamoto deposed the Taira with a coup, Tokugawa deposed Hideyori with a coup, and in the 1930s the Imperial Forces took control and made Japan the seat of a sizable empire. Even now it cannot be said that there is an out right rejection of those coups, and as such there is less of a stigma to a military coup in those parts. To me what Hank is doing is clearly wrong despite his good intentions, perhaps a Japanese audience would think otherwise, but perhaps since I know way too much about military coups in South America and Africa I am in the minority that cannot endorse such actions or even sympathize with them.

Andrei sucks at flirting…

NO Andrei, NOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh lord…

In the case of Patrick and Katie it was nice to see them return and I must applaud Katie for making the best use of Patrick. Clearly Patrick is not a monster in combat, but it cannot be denied he is very very lucky. As such borrowing Patrick’s luck is a most excellent utilization of Patrick by Katie. Moreover now that Patrick gets to fly Katie around he’s not begging for a new suit anymore. Gotta love how Louise told Andrei off again, This Louise is awesome and with Katie’s help this time she and a bunch of grunts almost took out the carrier sadly Hank’s coup put a stop to it. Right now given how Hank was able to move without much interference it seems that if the Federation is a police state they aren’t a very good one, if they were Hank would already be dead and the A-Laws would have been waiting for Hank’s accomplices at the Africa Tower. Since Hank has it all wrong and given the prisoner to plotter ratio it makes the Feddie Regulars more like average soldiers of a democracy who aren’t inclined to initiate coups for their own benefit. Again the flaw here is that with Hank running amok it severely damages any claim the Federation has of being the evil empire, the secret police can’t stop something this big so the implication is that there might not be an all powerful secret police. Even if the Federation democracy is imperfect so is every democracy, it’s not like Parliament or Congress always pass legislation that is the most popular. Again even if Blair was doing some unpopular things I doubt it would have been permissible for the British Army to depose him in the name of the Queen.

Saji?

Translation, she dumped his lying cheating ass.

Listen to him Andrei, he knows more than you do…

I am a bit disappointed in how Bushido Bob was Graham Acre late again, but hopefully next week that will be remedied in short order. I hope that the ED sequence will be real and that the introduction of Trans-Graham GN-Tau Drives will restore the balance of power and make Gundam 00 Raiser less powerful. Even if I think little of Trans-AM I like Trans-Graham because the name is so much better, still I suppose the balance has to be restored some how and with any luck at the very least Louise, the Innovators, and Prince Ali will get the ability to Trans-Graham as well. So sad to see that the Ahead is already cannon fodder, but I guess there will be upgrades soon enough.

Since it looks as if most of the Africa Tower personnel were being tied up and imprisoned Hank’s coup does not have popular support of the Regular Army or Civilian wise. Once again we have yet another minority trying to impose its will on a majority, Hank is not touring the Federation to whip up support for the next election cycle he decided that it was a waste of time and chose to use guns to carry his point across. The Federation is only 4 years old and to not give the next election a chance really calls into question how much Kataron, Hank, and CB wish to uphold any form of democracy. Neither group is actively trying to convince the Federation electorate of anything; instead Kataron and CB blows them up and expects the Feddies to give them what they want. Next time we shall see what demands Hank Hercules starts making and if Sergei is going to disappoint Yang Wenli and start a coup of his own.

Sunrise needs to give Katie her own theme…

That’s a stupid question…

Indeed, Revival seems to be head over heels now…

Oh no…sorry Katie looks like you have a passenger.

Oh great now even Billy has a Permit…

Clearly Katie wants Billy off her ship ASAP.

dokun dokun dokun…

You’ve lost how many now Patrick?

Oh…

Because Katie needs to balance out Billy’s lose and fail.

Good Job Patrick you finally found your niche in life.

I have control.

For GREAT JUSTICE.

Katie asked for a Fisher and got a Billy…

Katie frowns upon Billy’s backseat commanding…

BREAK!

…

Shut up Marie it belongs to Soma and her lover Louise, quit stealing.

Yuri Powered Louise doesn’t like this thief Marie.

Oi Billy I though you wanted to watch…

Sorry Katie but duty calls.

Yep Hank has really done it this time.

Mein Oberst Admiral Yang Wenli approves of your reaction.

Way to point your guns at your fellow Feddies Hank…

Jihad-kun has no respect, no respect at all…

Bushido Bob loves Gundam 00 Raiser the most.

Bushido Bob is also a sorcerer.

NO FLAG BOY NO FLAG.

Trans-Graham is superior.

Oberst Katie frowns upon Hanks shenanigans.

Look at these Feddies even when captured they still form ranks and files.

Current Standings.

Designation: Liberty Prime. Mission: the Liberation of Mankind from Tanuki Propaganda. Primary Targets: Any and All Red Japanese Harem Leads. Emergency Communist Acquisition Directive: Immediate Self Destruct. Better Dead than Red.

While it has been some time since I last wrote on this subject it was Stripey’s heinous Jominian efforts to spread a spate of lies and propaganda to loser harem animu leads has forced me to create a Clausewitzian response. I also wished to restore the balance of power on the field of courtship because IKnight was ill at ease that there was no treatise for the menfolk. To be sure this article is not for the loser harem animu lead that only needs his mysterious musk to attract women. This guide is for the average man who lacks such miraculous powers and Marty Stu qualities and is in anime that is superior to harem. I am quite well aware of how women operate and my knowledge has compelled me to instead marry my job, nevertheless I am not without mercy and hope that in writing this some of you might happily put on the ball and chain of marriage or otherwise make yourself a nuisance to women everywhere, so that my years of slavery under their continued tyranny might be avenged if only slightly.

(Note there are LOGH spoilers aplenty)

Shock and Awe

If you think the one in the middle is the dude, I got news for ya…

The sad truth of the matter is that for some reason women like to praise each other’s good looks, and sense of style. Men, more often or not, do not do this for fear of catching “the gay.” As such those who have the daring to do what ever it takes to find some one to love, take the view that the ends fully justify the means. After all what is the price of a man’s dignity? Not worth nearly as much as staying single or worse yet a virgin. Shock and Awe, is a doctrine based on the use of overwhelming beauty, dominant aesthetic awareness, dominant maneuvers, and spectacular displays of femininity to paralyze a target’s perception of their feelings and destroy their will and ability to resist. It can only be used by a select few who are able to pull off the infiltration tactics necessary to make the best use of this doctrine. To this end since women often take more notice of other women, an infiltrator must do the utmost to look the part. Once that is complete one’s strategies must remain offensive, but the tactics defensive. The effort that must be put into looking the part by an infiltrator often creates a superior feminine sense of aesthetics that puts real women to shame as such an infiltrator will attract all sorts of attention from women and most terrifyingly of all other men. As such Shock and Awe requires superior situational awareness lest things go awry, getting attention is rarely an issue the primary danger remains attracting unwanted attention and singling out the desired target to bring forth acceptable levels of affection.

There are some risks if the infiltrator is discovered but the hallmark of a gifted practitioner is the ability to be openly male while looking the part in male attire. Not only do women pay more attention to an infiltrator, but they will often feel more at ease as well as many men make the mistake as coming off as being predatory and unscrupulously perverted. Not so with Shock and Awe as women will be asking for advice and will more readily accept a man as they will be asking him for fashion tips and the like and that alone makes for much less awkward conversation. Women are always dragging their men folk around on shopping trips as such an infiltrator has a distinct advantage in such adventures because they are capable of making recommendations (and as such exert some influence over what the target wears with the possibility of the infiltrator dictating the entire wardrobe to boot). Once trust is earned the rest is easy. As they say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, despite protestations to the contrary women love to be flattered. Women like bishounens and nothing a man can do will alter that, thus for Shock and Awe practitioners knowing that much is half the battle. After all why haggle over rules of engagement when the ones in place favor those who put in the effort? Time wasted haggling is time not spent lurvin.

Noted Practitioners:

At first it took me a while to realize it was not Sara.

Alto-hime (Macross Frontier) – The blood of Meltrans doth flow strong in this one. Raised since his childhood to out-women women, Alto-hime has perfected the art of infiltration to the point that the unwary often mistake hime for being a girl. Hime is a classic example of where an infiltrator is so adept that there is no shortage of admirers, many of them un-wanted and some of a less than savory nature. Nevertheless after years of oyama training hime’s skill set is indeed formidable where Ranka makes death pills out of cookies and Sheryl needs help chopping hime beats them both in being able to make something edible by himself. Such prowess by the time of hime’s sixteenth birthday was already second nature, and try as hime might to be a pilot the old oyama habits die hard. To be sure hime’s fame as the greatest Sakura-hime of his age if not all time, hime’s reputation earned the notice of nearly the entire female contingent of SMS. Coupled with hime’s skills as a pilot even Mr. Bilrer took notice as did Grace.

When the end came and hime donned the heirloom of the Nome family it suited hime to a startling degree. Even in the end the PR campaign for the movie could not hide the fact that hime blended in seamlessly and in some cases stole the spotlight altogether. Clearly between Sheryl and Alto-hime Miyo-sama’s undoubtedly fantastic wardrobe will be put to good use for years to come. The ultimate testament to hime’s prowess was when Grace admitted her first true defeat and took solace in the fact that the one who delivered the coup de grace was the greatest oyama that ever lived. Despite hime’s good looks he still boasts some decent combat abilities even as he is out classed by cyborgs, veterans, and Zentradi. Nevertheless being adopted by Meltrans is in itself its own reward, so what if hime looks like a girl? At least he has a Klan onee-chan and getting more female interest without being a loser harem animu male. As they say any female interest is good interest.

Yeah I think Mako-cakes is too far gone…

Mako-cakes (Minami-ke) – By far the only infiltrator to have taken it this far is Mako-cakes, and despite claims that he wishes to reclaim his manhood, there is no denying that Mako-cakes will pay almost any price to be near Haruka. Truth be told Mako-cakes has had the most success in getting closer to Haruka as rival Hosaka is being waylaid by Hayami, and Natsuki was MIA after being beat to a pulp by Haruka, I suppose the coward fled from Haruka the Terrible. Clearly dignity is a small price to pay by Mako-cakes’ book for getting a front row seat to a Haruka disrobing; he also got an unintended bonus when he was felt up by Haruka. Certainly there are those who say that a man’s dignity is not worth losing for getting closer to Haruka, to that I respond: your numbers are negligible and you are stupid, and/or possibly interested in only men; also may your virginity last forever. While most boys his age flee from girls in terror of the cooties, Mako-cakes has enlisted Uchida and fellow infiltrator Touma to keep his identity secret. Even if he’s no Kamina at least he will live long enough to enjoy his female company until puberty hits, and there are ways around that…

Mako-cakes’ reputation is indeed infamous to the point that brokenness became incredibly widespread and millions await in abject terror at the return of Mako-cakes. Given the lazy nature of women when it comes to chores (what you think that they like cleaning?), it is abundantly clear that should Haruka refuse out of concern for age, I am sure Touma will take him. At the very least Mako-cakes has many a year to spend with Haruka, which is more than can be said for the other potential suitors and admirers.

Guerre de course

Opportunism at its finest.

Otherwise known as “Raiding,” this doctrine is most often used by men who cannot stay in one place for very long, in complete opposition to the loser harem animu male who stays in one place and is often subject to retribution. However, on the flipside men who adopt Guerre do course will often find in their old age that all was for naught and they become despicable ero-ji. Thus for the greatest practitioners (Pyrates) the goal has always been to live a short and merry life. Women love the idea of a mysterious wanderer that will whisk them away to the far corners of the land on some sort of adventure. Indeed there is a slew of bodice ripper trashy romance novels that is proof positive that such women are out there, and if those publishers have survived this long then clearly their numbers are significant. They say a sucker is born every minute, while doubly true for men it is also true to an extent for women as well. While letters of marque are often granted or more often out right forged Pyrates roam the world and the universe in search of fleeting liaisons. Although they might never experience love, they will nonetheless have the experience of joy of the hunt and the thrill of the pursuit. While ideally Pyrates are not long for this world should life become exceedingly long it is they who feel the hard hand of Grandfather Time the hardest. Indeed it is often said that old Pyrates are often bitch slapped repeatedly by Grandfather Time in a temporal loop where time itself no longer advances. While suicide is often chosen only the best practitioners of Guerre de course find some way to die heroically and without the shame of an heroing oneself.

One last word of caution though, when starting out you must keep in mind that this a purely opportunistic modus operandi as such rookies are liable to get anything and everything that comes by. Just remeber just because you can doesn’t mean you should…

Noted Practitioners:

Cuz, old Walter wants to pay her a visit after he kills you.

Walter von Schenkopp (Legend of the Galactic Heroes) – While the number of lovers this man has had remains in dispute it cannot be said that his genes were some how inferior given how one of his daughters turned out. Nevertheless while many of his secrets died with him courtship theorists have surmised that as leader of the famed Rosen Ritter that formed the core assault force of Yang Wenli’s fleet Schenkopp was able to mover from one location to another without much trouble from the authorities as the needs of war took precedence. Given his reputation and that of the Rosen Ritter there were many women who suffered from khaki fever, it is to his credit or discredit that Schenkopp took full advantage of this, much to the lamentation of Admiral Attenborough. Whatever his misdeeds in love his reputation as peerless and gallant soldier often overshadow his many vices. His daughter would never forgive him fully for what he did, but he died a hero so at least his Katerose cannot spit on his grave, not only because of the law but because Julian respected him. He remains an example to all would be Pyrates, setting forth a high standard for martial might and martial honor to cover up his infamy as a womanizing cheat. It is said that he once remarked that it was far better to be controversial than to be universally loathed, the monument to him in the Soldiers’ Memorial on Phezzan is testament to his successful use of controversy.

Chevauchee

While Guerre de course advocates a more opportunistic approach a Chevauchee is much more proactive in creating vulnerable women. Don’t let the polite name fool you, a Chevauchee is essentially a grand raid undertaken to loot or destroy everything in one’s path to undermine the local authority’s power in demonstrating that you are above them and beyond whatever justice they might try to mete out. It is by far the most brutal doctrine to ever be employed it is still worthy or study if only because we must acquaint ourselves with the darker side of courtship. In Chevauchee the practitioner simply destroys every resource that a woman might posses, her family, wealth, property, and any other means of support. The objective is to so damage a woman’s circumstances that a burning desire for revenge is lit. If the one who initiated the Chevauchee the impending assassination attempt will be botched and then the rest is easy as the woman is all but helpless before the law as any assassination attempt is by default Murder in the First Degree, which often carries a harsh penalty. The downside is that not all would be women assassins are of sound mental health by this stage and if they still had their mental faculties intact, the impending assassination might very well succeed. The methods of Chevauchee are indeed brutal and there is little room for mistakes. It is in effect a risky gamble one that might cost the practitioner dearly.

Noted Practitioners:

Allegedly out of context…

Oskar von Reuenthal (Legend of the Galactic Heroes) – Reuenthal had it all good looks, power, and the ability to charm women. However his ruthlessness in dealing with the hated Lichtenlade family was far from complete and carried unintended consequences. There was one survivor of that accursed house who did make an attempt on his life, but the former noble woman was no warrior and was easily overpowered. What crimes were committed that day are too awful to contemplate, but by morning the last survivor of the Lichtenlade family was with child. Flush with success Reunthal’s own ego was inflated to a staggering degree that he willingly fought against his Kaiser in his quest for more power. The crushing of Reuenthal’s Rebellion was characteristically harsh and it is often said that he paid the price for his misdeeds. Had Reinhard not been alive perhaps it would have been Reuenthal that would have been Kaiser, but the heterochromatic womanizer was no match to Kaiser Reinhard who was his complete opposite when it came to the art of courtship. One can only wonder what would have been the outcome had Reunthal’s ways been more gentlemanly and his ambition lessened (Note: I declare the Britannian experiment to be a complete and utter failure, thank goodness Reinhard was a better Kaiser).

Mahan

If at first you don’t succeed…

The idea of having one Decisive Date is often mistaken for the penultimate form of courtship, such is never the case as love at first sight more often than not only applies to a single party, in the case our concern the male’s. This is one method that is only for those who are certain of their feelings and are willing to endure many months if not years of hardship in getting their feelings across. Women are perfectly capable of being as dumb, and at times, dumber than men to the point that they cannot see the likable bloke next to them in favor of other less devoted and less savory suitors. As such those who adopt a Mahanian strategy should be prepared for a long campaign and be fully prepared for initial rejection and a long stalemate. There is of course the very real danger of holding everything in reserve in preparation for a Decisive Date that might never come, and even if there is one a botched attempt at a premature Decisive Date might entail irreplaceable loss of treasure and materiel from which any further expenditure of effort is futile. While Orange-kun talks of loyalty the amount of loyalty required for a Mahanian strategy makes the Lance of Britannia look like Benedict Arnold.

Noted Practitioners:

Hard to imagine that Patrick use to get rides from blonde chicks. Now look at him, after Katie had dinner with him he sprouted wings…

Patrick Colasour (Gundam 00) -  Often the butt of everyone’s jokes poor Patrick tried his hand at Guerre de course and gained quite a reputation to he chagrin of other skilled and straight pilots. Nevertheless upon suffering the backhanded blow of love he fell hard for a woman that was quite out of his league when it came to intelligence. It was his misfortune to have fallen for Katie, but to his fortune that he was the only one (until recently) to try. While outwardly good humored and obnoxious poor Patrick knew that he was no ace, but in Katie he found a woman who could make a man out of him. Despite being book dumb Patrick pledged his loyalty to the only person in the world who could accomplish such a feat. He gave up his old ways and made many grand gestures to his beloved Katie. Night after night he went to her house and professed his undying devotion and love, eventually she had to give in if only to get a night’s sleep. Even when parted, Patrick improved his piloting skills to become an A-laws gofer (gofer coffee and the like) to rejoin Katie in the field. Such devotion ingratiated himself to his beloved and made her think for once that he was serious and not merely an idiot, but an idiot that was very much in love. Seeing as how many women like to believe that they are smarter than the men they marry Patrick had enough sense to take full advantage of this. Not only was he finally attaining some martial renown, but now he no longer had to think as hard for himself, and with Katie his infamous stupidity was reduced threefold. While Patrick is rather thick, he did manage to gain a real chance at marrying way above himself; given that women always marry beneath them it is to his credit that he managed so wide a disparity.

The man who conquered a galaxy…

Reinhard von Lohengramm (Legend of the Galactic Heroes) – Kaiser Reinhard was undeniably a military genius whose ambition and intelligence forged the greatest empire the anime has ever known that spans a huge expanse of space. Despite his military achievements when it came to courtship Reinhard was as helpless as a quadriplegic in a swimming pool. One day Reinhard got uncharacteristically sad and a lass named Hildegrad von Mariendorf went to set him straight. One thing led to another and they spent the night. Upon waking up the Kaiser was clearly smitten and being a gentleman wished to take full responsibility for what had happened. Now mind you the Kaiser had no idea that Hilde was with child, but that hardly mattered to Reinhard whose first and tragically last experience in love compelled him to make Hilde his wife and Kaiserin. Unfortunately or fortunately for Reinhard, Hilde was not a woman of such loose morals and spurned his advances telling him that she would carry the child to term without him. All that was Reinhard the Admiral was lost in Reinhard the Suitor and while he could have taken her by using his authority as Kaiser, he did not. Instead after a long campaign and embarrassing himself before his men, who were quite certain that their handsome Kaiser was above dallying with women, Reinhard finally won Hilde’s consent to marry him. The lengths to which Reinhard went are astounding and the full story can only be told if one watches Legend of the Galactic Heroes, to be sure it was completely unexpected.