At least I am not late for the wedding…

It’s been far too long since I last saw an episode, thankfully I have either forgotten how everything turned out or Gundam 00 has really done a number on my memory. I’ll spare every one a summary since I am horribly criminally late. At any rate I left off with Juliet wrapped around Tybalt’s loving embrace…

I find your lack of stabbiness disturbing…

Episode 9
Oh Conrad I had such faith in your judgment, yet how dearly misplaced it was. At least Juliet finally drew her first bit of blood on her war path. Sure she has reservations now, but in the end she must do what she must to save the people. Well hopefully this will be the last of her Bull’s Runs, but not the last of Juliet’s pony tail.

Really though if it sounds too good to be true it probably isn’t. Unless of course you are head of KGB or NSA, and that your intelligence chief doesn’t use terms such as slam dunk…

It was a delight to see Hermoine looking for her foe, though seeing Mercutio in his outfit turned my stomach. Romeo seems to be quite the loli-con. The Duke is indeed growing some top tier weed judging by the size of the leaves. No doubt the Duke killed the Capulets for some of that sticky icky. Well now that Juliet is in the good care of Tybalt I wonder what is going to become of them…

No I came here to prevent you from making the biggest mistake of your life. Go after Juliet you dolt!

Episode 10

By Jove Tybalt moves fast, he already took Juliet to a brothel! Well it wasn’t for you know what, but rather it was a smart move on his part to hide in a reeking decadent cesspool for the short term. Other than hiding with the lepers a brothel is a safe enough place to hide given how reluctant police are to enter them.

Romeo trying to convince the nobles to spare Juliet was laughable as they cowered in fear of Duke Weed. So Romeo pouts some more Mercutio acts like a typical ass, while Montague is furious that Juliet has not been found.

So Juliet pouts across town where some whore slaps Juliet for getting her dress muddy. Honestly there are other more unseemly stains on her dress, with cells that contain 23 chromosomes…

Eventually Juliet ends up in the hands of Portia, mother of Romeo. Portia cares for the poor girl and sends word to Romeo. Portia reveals the truth to Romeo about Duke Weed and his love for ganja and his adherence to Rastafarianism, though the Duke does not yet have dreadlocks.

The balcony scene was okay though hardly touching. I was never a fan the original work. Instead of surmounting walls why not blow them up or tear them down like Regan? Meh, I was really disappointed that Tybalt and Juliet spent more time apart than together…Here’s to Tybalt shanking Romeo.

That still does not make you Tybalt or level up your melee stats.

Episode 11

After their overly drawn balcony scene our two lovers Romeo and Juliet take off to parts unknown in some futile attempt to evade their problems. They happen a upon a forest where thy have a picnic with wild strawberries. A brown Pegasus shows up an Cielo gets his groove on. Romeo tells some bullshit story about having no friends and describes Cielo as his only pal, oh really who is tis Hermoine then?

Then out of the woodwork comes a three-headed giant three ruffians who are promptly sent packing by Juliet and Cielo, Romeo helped a bit, sort of. After this minor combat Romeo frees Cielo and tells him to look after his new mate. They later come upon an abandoned church where they wed. It was a simple ceremony with no witnesses though using Juliet’s hand made hanky as a veil was so sweet. Still good to know that Juliet’s warrior otome prowess has not completely dulled. Too bad she was never this nice to Tybalt.

In Great Soviet Union that potato is worth more than you!

Episode 12

So Romeo and Juliet elope and get married after selling seeing off Romeo’s chick magnet Cielo. While it was touching they come about to an abandoned village where they loot find some food and clothing. They happen upon the roots of some tree and Juliet gets a lot of ‘ead hurtiness so they promptly leave. While they dally about the Duke’s men approximate their last known trajectory and begin to burn down the village to flush Romeo out. Romeo gets struck by the backhand of courage and stupidity and sallies forth with Juliet in tow. Unlike Army of Two, these lovers fail miserably against the Duke’s cronies and are promptly captured. Juliet refuses to runaway and starts pining for Romeo while the head crony gets a hard on for finally getting a job done.

Romeo is an idiot for not getting enough agro to divert attention away from Juliet. If it had been Tybalt the battle would have ended very differently indeed…

No Romeo was always a fan of the Red Whirlwind, by the way what was your contribution to society again?

Episode 13

Juliet is brought before the Duke in chains and the Duke boldly announces that he will publicly execute her the next day. What is it with these villains waiting a day to kill of political enemies? If i were an evil overlord I’d do it as soon as possible, and keep the girl hunts going as a pretext to eliminate more enemies.

The nobles label her unjustly as some harlot that seduced Romeo. Hermione gets all emo and wants to speak to Juliet. Seems Hermoine is keen to see her rival personally. Hermione offers Juliet a few creature comforts, but our heroine flatly rejects them since she is no sheltered dolt like little miss rich. Thank goodness mein good oberleutnant Juliet knows how to handle being a POW. Mercutio is still trying desperately to get laid and has an epic fail in the process.

Francisco and Curio put in motion a rescue attempt while Cordelia cries at the situation. Thank goodness Juliet can cout on her two good Hauptmann to take the initiative. Violent execution was key and they passed with flying colors. Thought Tybalt is freaking absent Curio flatly tells Juliet that her death will deprive what hope is left and that she has an obligation to live. However, Curio relents on the point of still loving the douche that is Romeo. Curio my good hauptmann you are far too lenient. Mercutio tells Romeo of the escape attempt and Romeo blindly charges in response… Juliet is whisked away by the tree where the Duke finds to his chagrin that even plants are capable of kicking him the teeth. Romeo finds Juliet in her soaked hawt self and buys her enough time to make good her escape.

Well this hopefully marks the end of the lovey dovey stuff between Romeo and Juliet and some blood will be spilled soon. I hope fucking Iago wannabe Mercutio gets a most inglorious demise I want the lowly bastard to feel that he is dying. His mere appearance annoys me to no end he has that stupid hehehehe I am so evil face, but does next to nothing in his tight pants.

Mercutio and the Duke are such piss poor overlords. Overlord?! More like overrated. Why wait to publicly execute Juliet when he could have easily done it and put her head on pike? Such incompetence its a miracle that he could pull off a coup. Hermione however is getting more stabby by the day and I find this turn to be glorious Hermione fighto! Even if she is doomed to fail I hope Juliet skewers little miss rich girl. In fact I want noble blood to be spilled by the bucket load.

I want the peasants to kill ever last one of those blue blooded bastards. Rip them up the belly and use their innards to grease the wagon wheels of the proletariat!

Still I have some suspicion that Juliet and Romeo survive, at the very least Juliet since there is talk of bearing fruit which is a piss poor hint at some sort of consummation of their marriage. As for Romeo he is starting to get his head out of his ass and starts making good on his willingness to protect Juliet. However I can barely hide my joy at the fact that they are now separated. I hope this means more TybaltxJuliet and moar Juliet dishing out pain to the noble oppressors. At least Romeo is going to a labor camp!

So after getting full motion back in my jaw even if only just to eat with a bit of pain, I took some time to catch up on my favorite finger to English Literature class. It also doesn’t help that I was sucked into a temporal anomaly and now in this most desperate hour I must launch a blitzkrieg upon all that I have missed. I also just finish Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 2 so it was high time I took a break from saving the world.

So Juliet is lamenting the fact that she is of the House of Capulet charged with restoring herself to the throne of Neo-Verona. Suffice to say moping and weeping is unbecoming of the Red Whirlwind. Thankfully a dai pinchi snaps her out of her rut. She goes forth to save the poor doctor who was captured as a rebel. Unfortunately Romeo steals her thunder and saves her and the good doctor instead, not that she needed saving, that chauvinist prick. Oh and the good duke has some sort of tree that gives him the ultimate power in the universe, I suggest he use it. Alas he should not be so proud of this organic terror, the power to grow narcotics is insignificant compared to the power of the force reverse trap. I find the Duke’s tree hugging very disturbing… Lastly we have a coot off between old man-at-arms of yonder House of Capulet and William’s mom. At this point as love is thrown about like some cheap trick, the old folks will probably end up together…

Superfluous flying steed 100,000 dollars. Dreary weather 10,000 dollars. Copping more than a fee, priceless. There are somethings that oppressing the poor cannot buy, but for everything else there is just being a scumbag.

More woe besets poor Juliet as she learns the painfully contrived truth that her love is in fact the son of the man who murdered her family. More lamenting and longing ensues while Romeo gets a well placed one in a million slap in the face. Juliet then runs away for a bit putting behind her Red Mage job while Montague troops conduct a manhunt. Romeo dallies with his mum ranting about loverly flowers in his imitation of Oedipus of Thebes. Since Romeo had trained his horse thing to sniff out women it leads him right to Juliet. Sure enough like a Ferrari it becomes his chick magnet.

Juliet falls for the “my horse wants you to ride” trick and it whisks them right into a rain storm and then to a lone hut with broken tower. Romeo starts stripping under the pretext of drying his clothes and asks Juliet to to do likewise. Suffice to say she wisely waits for him to leave before drying herself off sadly she forgot to close the door…

Romeo “trips” over Juliet while playing hero “saving” her from a “roaring” fire. While averting a few third degree burns he tries to cop a feel and stares mutely while poor Juliet is at a loss for words. After burning his gasoline soaked shirt, Juliet gives him the +0 cloak of non-nakedness. While Juliet is making a handkerchief the Duke has declared martial law and the peasants are forced to accept rationing. Montague is squeezing harder to get the Red Whirlwind, just like he so mightily squishes soft fruits.

I personally crush grape for every drop of my wine. All one million of them, I crush fruits. So drink my wine, Montague’s Merlot or I will break you!

The friar is exposed by the doctor who is bound by some form of a Hippocratic oath. The doctor takes it upon himself to set things right. He finds out who the Red Whirlwind is and sets off on his mission. Juliet finally comes to her senses and charges desperately to play hero. Curio smites her to the ground declaring that her love of a nobleman has made her blind to the recent developments, Juliet’s infatuation will be paid for in blood. The doctor makes his final farewell and dons the mantle of the Red Whirlwind.

So the good doctor aptly named Lancelot frees the falsely accused and martyrs himself for the cause. Romeo is dismayed but quickly becomes over joyed when he sees Juliet still alive. Juliet then shows him up in a feat of manliness and removes her wig and drops to the next level with bravado. Romeo is left dumbstruck.

While the peasants are booing the military police the good Duke calls for a meeting of the House of Lords. As it is purely ceremonial the participants arrive reeking of booze. Benvolio’s dad opposes the extension of martial law and gets stripped of his rank for his insolence. Juliet and her elite guard meanwhile visit the family of the good doctor to make whatever amends they can while getting chicks along the way. At least one of them is.

Making things is so hard… It s finally done, my ultimate weapon. My +20 Boss Hat of Sneaky Hid’in. I am so not cutting this hair.

Meanwhile Benvolio says good by and he and his family make their way into exile. The Duke is not so forgiving and plans to have them assassinated. Juliet and her band of merry men get a tip off and race to the rescue. Unfortunately despite a good entrance the knife throwing dude disarms Juliet as he is about to deliver the Coup de Grace a man on a flying horse interrupts him. Thankfully it is a mysterious stranger and not that twit Romeo.

So we learn that the stranger is in fact Tybalt, who uses his twin swords to dispatch the would be assassins and then makes dramatic exit. Benvolio and his family learn that Juliet is indeed a girl and Benvolio over awes Cordelia with his underwhelming strength and infatuation with brooms. Since this is around the time of the Flower Festival, or as I call it: Really Pretentious Scam by the Florist Mafia Day, the city burst forth wit color. Hermoine offers to bring Romeo roses when they meet for the super special and super expensive fire works show that the Duke has arranged.

Behold the ultimate corporate holiday brought to you by Costra Flora. We do not exist really, we were never here. Allergies? Those don’t exist. Let’s go to the cement works to discuss this further…

So Juliet is dragged by her yuri play Emelia, and together they have a lovely yuri frolic through flowers. Sadly Juliet’s yuri pal elects to go with her gut, needless to say her judgment of men is sorely lacking. Romeo tell his mommy that he met a girl named Juliet and learns the terrible truth that she is his father…at least that is what I wanted. Needless to say he gets super emo. At the festival he spies upon Juliet and stalks her through out the whole thing until the fireworks show. What should have been a romantic event was made all the more delicious by having Hermione all by herself. Honestly if the girl brings the flowers it must be bad.

So after few very aggravating seconds the two love birds finally part ways. Romeo makes up a stupid excuse that he was riding his pony while standing up Hermione. The Duke says to kill the horse but Hermione saves the poor creature from becoming glue. Mercuitio tries to weasel is way in as a friend but gets shot down in short order.

Remember Romeo the oaks of vengeance sprout forth from the seeds of treachery. Here’s to more stabby Hermione. Where the heck is Rosaline any way?

Bevolio the retarded is getting use to rooming with Curio, and sends a letter right to Romeo telling him that he lives. The two stupid nobles meet in public and use their real names, gee the Tybalt Intel Network must be having a field day and laughing their collective butts off.

Juliet accepts her duty as the heir to the House of Capulet and dedicates herself to overthrowing the Montague oppressors. Tybalt shows up again and shows her but a fraction of his informant network. He reveals the Friar as a traitor, yet Juliet lets little thing like mercy cloud her judgment. Fortunately Tybalt finishes off the fat friar and steals his money.

Juliet is saddened and cries uncontrollably. Tybalt hugs her, when who should show up? Romeo of course…

Whoa…It’s like big and long and frilly. Oh Cordelia I was doing…let me explain.

Impression: Well at least this series is building up towards something rather than having Romeo hide behind shrubbery. I barely realized that Gonzo used a spell check and changed Willy’s name… At any rate things can go badly from here but I hope more blood letting occurs since this is a counter coup we are dealing with. I feel more sympathetic to Juliet the longer this drags on, despite her longing for Romeo. I can sort of understand her apprehension of actually killing someone, but the fat friar was asking for it. I hope she learns that since the rule of law is absent, justice can be delivered with fire and steel. I wonder when, if ever, will Romeo stop playing with his wandering hands and do more than just sit around waiting to be duke.

The Duke is not evil enough, he’s just arbitrary. Crushing grapes is nowhere near the pure win and awesome that was Vader force choking Admiral Ozzel in the Empire Strikes Back. I wonder how this tree plays into all of this since I can’t wait to see that they can possibly cook up. I also like how Juliet can throw knives with dead accurate lethality. I hope Tybalt teaches her all he knows and then the war for the throne can be even more bloody and cool. Still since this is supposed to be a tragedy I am glad that Romeo will die, though I hope Juliet lives. The most strange thing is that though there be fireworks nary a gun or grenade is to be found… Well here’s hoping for a cannon.

I have to leave my. Okay Lupus I’ll let you rant on my blog and your Foster’s keg is in the fridge. Dang I was hoping he was your latest victim and some yaoi action was going to break out. Baka.

It seems that Gonzo is up of another round of abuse by many of the more learned bloggers. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet though containing fine examples of ye olde English sonnets is now due for another interpretation. Despite the legitimate grievances of having Gonzo run rough shod over an honored English masterpiece and the obvious disconnect between this and the original source material, I am already signing the instrument of surrender to Gonzo. Since the esteemed Omni is much better at this than me I’ll keep it brief. Also I know I am very late to the party…hey where is every one?

This has been a test of Crusader’s brain. Any similarity of this test to real life was not intended and is purely coincidental. Happy anniversary you two, you know who you are… Many apologies to Lupus. Sadly because Shokkeru, Aezie, and I have Ahnuld as governor; Cali-solidarity won out and the Aussie had to take one for the team.

Our tale begins with a bloody coup by the Montague family against the reigning Capulet rulers of Neo-Verona. After killing the Capulet patriarch Montague forces prepare to engage in the righteous butchery of two children. When all hope seems to be lost, the surviving Capulet soldiery finally shows up to rescue them. Cut to 14 years later Neo-Verona is is decay and the nobility is in desperate need of being caught in a French Revolution; heads rolling and all that good stuff.

You owe 10 million USD for the use of our servers…ZOINK! I find my familiarity with thee has bred contempt.

The peasantry suffers daily under noble oppression and their only hope is the Red Mage Zorro Puss in Boots Red Whirlwind. Yet the Red Whirlwind has a secret, he is actually a she and her real name is not Odin, but Juliet. After saving a poor girl from the farce of a Montague judiciary where accusations constitute proof she unknowingly meets the heir to the House of Montague and ducal heir Romeo. After feeling the beginnings of rabu rabu.

Romeo it turns out is like many kids with socialist leanings. His heart bleeds for the common people, so much so that he demands a thank you for his rescue operation. Suffice to say I hate the guy already. He them meets a Hermione who is not played by Emma Watson and thus is no doubt of inferior grade. Duke Montague is keen on having Hermione as a daughter in law and set up Romeo the bomb for the up coming Rose Ball. Like the daily routine of the wealthy Romeo needs some one to help him put his clothes on because his is a lazy prick. Though truth be told that the last time he tried to dress himself he put his pants on backwards and had is under pants on the outside.

Juliet would you like to join my yuri party~desu? Please come we can’t fight off the boys who try to eaves drop…Alright I got a dress on already, curse those stupid red zakus.

After going hither and thither and berating her custodians Juliet goes around asking about rabu rabu love. A very boring question to be sure and despite the bluster of Willy none of them get even close to the answer. The answer of course is that love is like spice it can sweeten one’s life, but it can spoil it too. While moonlighting from her super hero job as being an extra in one of Willy’s plays a co-worker asks Odin to escort her while dressed as a girly girl.

Suffice to say Juliet looks just fine in a dress. While I eagerly expected some yuri to explode forth some fat disgusting noble man who had been dating his left hand for too long whisks Juliet away to the Montague’s ball. Juliet has an inkling that she had been in the ducal residence before but instead rushes to the fountain. Once again she meets Romeo and they both share a bit of silence before Benvolio rudely interrupts them.

Romeo and Juliet then enter some sort of temporal anomaly where in we once again see them stuttering and stammering before each other like Impz and Thirteensugars. Later it is announced that Romeo and Hermione are to be wed, while poor Juliet gets lectured by the old goat. So in her fury she attacks an obese human trafficker and shuts down his operation of selling peasant girls to lecherous nobles.

Then a whole lot of flowers and petals begin to disorient me and rob me of any words that I may have to say. However the petals are bupkis, and at the end Juliet is led to the ruined grave of her forerunners. There the last of the Capulet loyalists swear fealty to her. Understandably her illusion of rabu rabu gets in the way of her invoking kanly against the thrice cursed Montagues and the foppish brat that is Romeo.

Too many petals… Here. There. Everywhere! Must smash head into keyboard…Its my only hope.

Impressions: I hated being told this emo angsty teenage love story was a classic and was a credit to the arts. English Literature class was the most hateful time in my academic career, beating out trigonometry and advanced algebra by a factor of 50. While I am sure that the teacher who shall remain nameless was a swell guy he did not make the class fun or enjoyable, that foppish gusher. The books were from the 1950s and were falling to pieces; I think I would have needed a tetanus shot had I gotten a paper cut. Then again the school clinic only had band-aids and condoms to treat the wounded.

I really like Gonzo’s take on the whole concept of star crossed lovers. Gonzo Juliet is in every way superior to her classic counterpart. Say what you will about Romeo and Juliet being a timeless classic, I however always loathed how docile and spineless Juliet was. She had not even the sense to spot Romeo hiding behind that small shrubbery beneath her, and sadly Shakespeare had not the sense to include the Knights who say Ni. In this regard I like sword wielding, cosplaying, reverse trap Juliet and find her to be much more endearing; at least she fights for something rather than living for nothing (aka Romeo).

Due to her reverse trap status there is the possibility of two yuri parings via Emilia and Cordelia. Since I don’t know the actress playing Juliet in real life I am not inclined to boo due to righteous indignation. As the tart who played Juliet had earned my ire, booing Juliet was made all the more palatable. She sucked and since she was playing some mere object I stood aghast at how the school opted for this garbage rather than the Comedy of Errors.

I still hate Romeo even in his bishie incarnation. Where once he was a bastard tying to get into a girl’s pants and throwing around his love like poke balls, he is now a pseudo-liberal hack. Heck at this point had he been a communist I would have given him more credit. Suffice to say I wonder wherefore art a sword to relieve thine Romeo of life. At least there is a war brewing so it won’t be all that bad…