Valkyria Chronicles 9-11: Oh be still my stomach

The point of marching is that you are all in step, Ersatz Corpo Truppe Volontarie indeed.

I have to say episode 9 was just as bad if not worse than the paper thin plot of Selvaria’s DLC. I Say this butter bar Karl is just another bed wetter like Johann. Given how these Imps don’t even speak German it seems plain that they are incapable of bravery or making a half decent plan. Perhaps a Selvaria fan would have liked it more than I would have but it was just disgusting knowing that Selvaria would one day meet her match prove her utter inferiority in the future is hardly mitigated by her ample bosom or the guys cosplaying as Altair. The lack of Alicia goodness was made all the more worse by Maxi-pad putting on a show, and Selvaria whimpering like a lost puppy. The poor girl is not even fit to be a slave in my book, though much of it was due to her being OP even when you were in control in that awful DLC in the role of the Engineer who wet himself. Still with the introduction of Karl who wants to be on a Butterfront and now plans on being a PX Ranger while kissing ass all the way to the top. Maxi-pad’s family sucks ass too in the game you never met the bastards, and for good reason since they came off like Code Geass ripoffs. If nothing else maybe if we are lucky we will see Butter Bar Karl turned into paste. I can only imagine the kind of coaward that would find Karl to be even remotely likeable, that damned Marty Stu, actually since it is butter bar I suppose it is more fitting to call him a Mary Sue since he is after all Selvaria’s bitch. In all fairness though as an admirer of Jane “Kill ‘em All” Turner I have little interest in Imps, other than of course how much lead it takes to kill them. Despite the craptastic episode it seems that Welkin did ask on good question regarding the lonliness of sea slugs…I suppose Kabitizin had better answer.

Hey look it’s the Three Stooges, Karl must be Curly…

For the next bit Welkin and Alicia were trying to have a romantic getaway until some Imp pauper comes along to ruin it all with his stench of fail that seems to emanate from all Imperials. Still it seems that it is a tad sudden for the Alicia and Welkin sleepover and conference about dung beetles. Once again the series writers were sturck by some ideas and cut yet more combat action in favor of parading around some new anime only coward to talk about how war is bad. Boring old message aside, I knew the bastard was coward from the start since he was shot in the back which indicates that he was fleeing combat and not getting into the shit to help his comrades. In effect this Mikhail is a buddy fucker and has violated the covenant that all kameraden share, if he were smart he would have fled to ersatz Canada, but as he was too dumb to use his grenade for a forced entry that idea must have never crossed his mind. Suffice to say I did not feel inclined to pity the dumb bastard, unlike the game where it was some dumb kid who was crying for his mommy in his death throes. Well at least unlike the Sevaria commercial that was episode 9 at least there was a bit of Alicia to mitigate the lose and fail of coward Mikhail.

If you were half the strategist Schlieffen was you’d already have taken the Feddie Capital and overrun Galia by now….

Episode 11 is a clear signal that the anime staff would rather do their own thing instead of follow the storyline that was actually presented in the game, and to be sure since their version of tactical combat was laughable I suppose making this Kana goes to War while tossing out the military aspect might actually be a wiser decision for them in the long run since they were un able to make things exciting, mostly due to the persistent lack of gore and explosions. So it was time to the banquet in which Alicia, Isara, and Selvaria get to strut their stuff which was decent enough eye candy along with a under dressed Cordelia, but the lack of strapless dresses was cause enough to deem the episode to be mediocre. I would go over the ways in which this ep made no sense but by now it think it is clear that for better enjoyment it is far better to not give a shit anymore. Perhaps this is all some clever ruse to preserve the game ending so people would be prompted to buy the game and the DLC. Nevertheless the story to begin with was never that strong and altering now brings it to fanfic levels. After all one has to wonder how much this Ramal is a Mary Sue and what mind could have demanded that they make Selvaria in dress a reality. Still so long as it stays middling and mediocre I think just watching for Alicia and if you’re a lecher Selvaria is reason enough. Personally I am just waiting for a most anticipated showdown, if you played the games and finished it, you know what I am talking about…

Next time it seems we have a high speed chase with tank, here is hoping for some Milita brutality as they pull over the badies and beat them up LAPD style.

Great it’s Ersatz Code Geass…I assume there will be flying tanks in addition to Selvaria being as OP as Suzaku and Kallen.

Calawain’s Commentary

The last 3 episodes have been pretty forgettable. They skipped over the tank battle and contrived some retarded infiltration attempt by Selvaria and the playboy? The cabin scene was made so utterly cheesy and was drawn out way too long. And we also had to suffer through that painful episode on the Imperial side of things. Just goes to show that bad things usually happen when the writers start to make stuff up on their own and change the story. It was nice to see a bit of service with the Selvaria cleavage shots and the other girls in dresses, but meh. I would normally say, “hey let’s hope they don’t trash the rescue scenes too bad,” but now that they’ve added an abduction of Alicia to it I’m pretty much expecting melodramatic bullcrap. Where’s my tactics and just as planned army battles? Rage.

More Screen Caps

Quick take cover behind the stall shield!

How desperate can you get?

Can I get a Sieg Zeon?

Too bad you lied.

Best joke EVAR!

Too bad Karl is neither an Officer nor a Gentleman…

Loli feeding time…

Then get out there and die!

You call that a blood spatter?

Eh you Red Shoulder cosplay needs a red shoulder plate at least…

The only thing more OP would be if she broke out her MG42…

Just like the writers…

Thank you for showing up.

How many men have had this moment haunt them in their sleep?

I feel like Tacos.

Needs MOAR Jane.

Particularly feeding habits…

Because he has no life?

Calling all parents we have a orphan in need of familial love…

Yeah he just took 3/4s of the blanket…

That’s not my hand…

Uh Welkin did you wash your hands recently?

I wish she was holding a knife with her left hand in homage to MGS style CQC…

Defintely a deserter, and a hippie.

Alright looks like the gloves are coming off, time to DUEL!

Hear the patter of running feet
It’s the old Mikhail in full retreat
He’s moving on; he’ll soon be gone
He’s haulin’ ass, not savin’ gas
He’ll soon be gone.

Over on that hill there’s Damon’s tank
A million Galians are on Selvaria’s flank
Mikhail’s movin’ on, He’ll soon be gone
With his rifle broke, it ain’t no joke
He’ll soon be gone.

Million Galians comin’ through the pass
Playin’ burp-gun boogie all over his ass
He’s movin’ on, He’ll soon be gone
With his rifle broke, it ain’t no joke
He’ll soon be gone.

Twenty thousand Galians comin’ through the pass
I’m tellin’ you, baby, Mikhail’s haulin’ ass
He’s moving on; He’ll soon be gone
He’s haulin’ ass, not savin’ gas
He’ll soon be gone.