Valkyria Chronicles 07-08: The Bug Out Ramal

I see that there is only one person in the militia with balls of steel…

In many ways I am glad I missed out on last weeks episode as it was all about Ramal who is the worst corporal since one Austrian Corporal by the name of Adolf back in WWI, not that Ramal is a monster, just a huge prick. If this were 41st Millennium GRIMDARK Ramal would have been fragged in short order, a good officer at least knows that there are times when it is better to turn a blind eye. Still Ramal running around pining for Faldio aside it seems the little runt is trying to swing for Isara as well, I cannot wait to see his heartbreak. Damon continues being an ass with his staff which seems to have about as much fight in them as the Vichy French. On the other half I suppose that Selvaria gallivanting around and cutting her self with an over sized knife as Jaeger invited Gregor over for a foursome sort of mitigated the lose and fail that was Ramal. Speaking of Jaeger the man is certainly weird for inviting Gregor to show off his junk. As for the Darscen Calamaity is suppose since the Ersatz Jews were barred from teaching that ignorance reigns, ah well they will get to it in good time.

Sadly poor Alicia was sidelined while Ramal went faffing about but at least she made a delightful return when she was the only one smart enough to bring a side arm to shoot her eternal rival. I still find her funny faces amusing and when she was ordering Ramal around reminded me of how much this series is Kana Goes to War. It was sad that no one actually knows how to do reconnaissance since gong out on a lone jeep is pretty much a death sentence; I’d probably go with a standard Heer scout team with attached armor and infantry on foot. Ah well with any luck since we are deviating from the original story by little bits and pieces I hope Varrot goes Cima on Damon and shoots the fat bastard in the head. Next week might be a vomit comet episode as Selvaria will be riding her jeep over a wall and if that stupid blond haired kid turns out to be that cowardly engineer from Selvaria’s disgusting DLC I will be pulling for an actual death.

As for the mission itself Maxipad’s over sized land fortress was a cake walk right until Selvaria showed up and started killing any thing that so much as sneezed. The MG turrets were simple enough to handle only that damned white haired witch was the real source of trouble as she was every time she stepped up to bat. As for the initial security detail I just took a page from Longstreet and smashed the right flank and rolled them up with enfilading fire down the trenches and swept them off the map. The Imp tanks were simply no match for my infantry, I didn’t even have to use Edelwiess. As for Selvaria’s vomit inducing DLC it was sickening as you have to play as the biggest wet blanket in the whole damn army as some loser engineer who loses his nerve if something so much as looks at him funny. The whole thing itself was just otaku pandering and as a game rather boring since Selvaria with MG-34 pretty much sucked out most of the challenge, still getting that MG-34 in the main game arsenal for completing it almost made up for Johann pissing on himself. Calawain has also started playing the game so I wonder how he handled it.

Musings of Calwain

Like Crusader, I have little interest in bisexual tsundere shoutas who can’t seem to relax. He needs to stay the hell away from the pure and innocent imoutou. I found it amusing that the first and second in command of each squad and the only tank pilot all went together by themselves out on an expedition. It reminds me of Star Trek when the away teams would consist of all the top commanders (and when you saw someone you didn’t recognize, there was an 80% chance he was gonna get iced). So in TNG, you’d see Picard, Riker, Worf, Geordi, and Data all going out on away teams. All it would take is one like 20th century landmine and boom! Well, that’s fiction for ya.

I’m going to have to say that having a random country hick nobody be “the chosen one” isn’t exactly new and inventive, but at least they haven’t smothered it on us so far and it was just a small hint in the episode with Alicia (I’m reserving total judgment until I see the rest of the story). I did enjoy Alicia going all rabu rabu over Welkin, I am always a fan of the dere dere and blushing. I did find that episode 8 moved rather slowly, however, the search and rescue dragged on a bit too long for my tastes. By the preview I am not particularly pleased that we have to do the DLC nonsense before getting to the battle against the mobile fortress/tank/gundam that Lelouch is hanging out in. Also, I will have to agree with my comrade that the tank mission was quite a bitch to handle when Selvaria came around with 20 CP and wasted some of my precious squad members. It was an exercise in hiding and praying to say the least.

Screen Caps

To your numerous defeats…

Varrot is too good for this sorry excuse for a fighting force…

I regret that his mother was so obedient as to give birth to his fatass…

I hope you shoot him one day Hauptmann Varrot.

For once I don’t think sharing is caring…

Hey they’re better than rations…

He won’t grow period.

I prophecy to you this the reward for your loyalty to him will be paid for in treachery…

I see she has a penchant for over doing things…

Damn right.

Yeah she looks cuter than you…

Okay then why is that sissy allowed in here?

Don’t worry Edelwiess is still superior.

Oh let me toss Alicia too.

If it were me I’d toss you out of the rubble not into it…

Damn right these boys today lack heroism in the face of danger.

Wait who the fuck is this?

Please hold these droppings?

Yeah it turns out he chick was half deer…

I told you that Welkin fellow was weird…

Of course you didn’t…

And you’re telling Faldio all this why?

I like this funny face the most.

Hear the patter of running feet
It’s the old First Squad in full retreat
They’re moving on; they’ll soon be gone
They’re haulin’ ass, not savin’ gas
They’ll soon be gone.

Over on that hill there’s an Imperial tank
A million Imps are on Welkin’s flank
Ramal’s movin’ on, He’ll soon be gone
With his rifle broke, it ain’t no joke
He’ll soon be gone.

Million Imps comin’ through the pass
Playin’ burp-gun boogie all over Ramal’s ass
He’s movin’ on, He’ll soon be gone
With his rifle broke, it ain’t no joke
He’ll soon be gone.

Twenty thousand Imps comin’ through the pass
I’m tellin’ you, baby, Ramal’s haulin’ ass
He’s moving on; He’ll soon be gone
He’s haulin’ ass, not savin’ gas
He’ll soon be gone.