Gundam 00 S2 – 25 (End and Junk): The Luckiest Man on Earth

Long has Patrick dreamed of this day…

Fellow Earth Federation citizens! I appeal to you all. Celestial Being is exhausted! It is low on troops! Low on ships, weapons, and even ammunition! Why then should we surrender? Dear fellow citizens, our true enemy is no longer Celestial Being but our own weak leaders. Hiding behind some notion of “absolute democracy”, they are reduced to absolute indecision. Why should we the survivors of this horrible war, entrust them with the power to make decisions for us!?

How can we forget the arrogance of Saji, when she usurped power in Proud? He claimed that the people of Celestial Being are a “chosen people”. That we of the Earth Federation are hidebound by archaic ways of thinking, and incapable of realizing the new potential for an expanded human consciousness in outer space. That there is no need for the people of Celestial Being to obey an “Earth Federation” run by outmodeled human relics! Well, even though I am a member of our armed forces, I have to admit that if Saji was referring to our corrupt Earth Federation bureaucrats, he was correct.

But, fellow citizens, we must not be deceived by Saji simply because part of what he says is true. Proud may be the Side farthest away from Earth, but that is no reason to believe its leader’s prattle about communing with the universe!

Saji Crossroad must not be allowed to justify his vision of Innovation because of corruption in one part of our Federation. His words are the dogma of a man plotting a dynasty of Crossroad dictators on Proud. Even if we recognize the existence of the Proud dictatorship, that in no sense means we must also sink to our knees before it! The Earth Federation is a government, founded on the premise of sovereign individual rights. Mankind was able to advance into outer space as a result of the Federation government, which is itself a crystallization of all mankind’s accumulated knowledge and experience.

Now, Saji’s lover, Jihad-kun, says it is the weak and inept Earth Federation itself that must be destroyed! Well, let him go ahead and try. Strike at the heart of our weakness! But what right does he — who slaughtered four billion innocent people — have to strike such a righteous pose?

Jihad-kun tells us that mankind has violated the laws of nature by reproducing more than any other species. He tells us that mankind’s population growth must be managed, because mankind must learn to inhabit the universe in harmony with nature. He tells us that the death of four billion people was merely expiation for our past sins against nature.

Is Jihad-kun mad? No! Jihad-kun is a despot trying to exterminate the very source of life that has supported and nurtured him. We, of the Federation, shall never comprehend the monstrosity of his actions.

And now Jihad-kun threatens to crash Ptolemy II onto Earth unless we surrender to him. What basis does he have for his demand?! Is he in possession of some sort of absolute truth? No! He possesses nothing more than his own demented dogma. Is the entire Federation completely enfeebled, corrupt, and degenerate? Again, the answer is no. Many good, capable citizens have fought bravely against the threat from Zeon, and we are still strong and alive!! So, then, does CB actually possess military superiority over the Federation? Again, the answer is NO!

Fellow citizens, listen to what I say! Jihad-kun’s threats are a mere bluff. Unworthy as I am of my good fortune, Patrick was captured rather than killed by CB forces, and thus was afforded the opportunity to see Proud first-hand. I therefore can assure you that the people of CB are exhausted, and there is no way they can possibly strengthen their forces enough to carry out their threats. So I say to you, Jihad-kun, if you think you can send Ptolemy II crashing to Earth, well then, go ahead and try!

CB’s strength was expended in the Battle of Loum. There is no way they can create soldiers overnight, and Jihad-kun knows it. I therefore appeal to all the citizens of the Earth Federation, to each and every one of you. CB is exhausted! Now is not the time for us to kneel before CB. It is time for us to rise! Now, more than ever, is our chance to defeat CB! – Hillrod 00

I accept Ribbons as my personal savior.

Truth is God probably thinks like this, of all God’s children we are the worst.

Eat your heart out Kai.

Long story short Exia (because they were saving it for something important) downs RX-78 putting an end to an era and signaling the death of Gundam as I knew it. Nobody dies as Tieria cosplays as Lalah Sune scaring the shit out of Dark Amuro who had the most kick ass Guncannon ever built. Still as no innovadoes were harmed in the filming of Gundam 00 they all were resurrected just in time for Jihad-kun and friends to go off to fight aliens as Saji and Air-head Louise wax philosophical. Homer commits Hara-kiri like a true samurai while Bob sissied out to bang Billy once more. It seems that after all that trouble all Billy got was a lame picture as Lasses leered at him as Lasse was Sumeragi’s favorite vibrator. Lyle goes to weep over the graves of his family as Prince Ali laughs mightily from the heavens at the shit poem Lyle composed for Anew, who by the way didn’t die and simply ran off to I don’t give a shit anymore. Andrei doesn’t get his comeuppance, while Marie and Haptism go off on a backpacking trip in Europe. Kataron gets political power after launching a coup against Obama and installing Hilary Clinton in his place. Patrick proves just how invincible he is by coming back to marry Katie who finally put on her first star as a Brigadier General of the Earth Federation. Princess Poverty finally decides to force the fat Seelian kid to lose some weight as she starts a new regime to take all the credit from the Feddies who cleaned up her shitty little country. The big surprise was apparently a Gundam 00 movie for 2010 for massive edits and super long time skips, I just thought that this was shitty simply because that means 0081 is only on PS3.

Last Minute shipping…check.

Master Gundam is that you? Please use you Master Cloth…and a Choukyuu Haou Den’eidan with some Juuni Ouhouhai you know just for old time’s sake.

O RLY?

Impression/Final Thoughts:

So yeah it was pretty but in the end the initial premise was all but forgotten as things were dumbed down to the same moralistic platitudes we have all seen before. Since Sunrise is clearly anti-Obama they don’t believe in change and opted for some idiot drivel that is spoon fed to children and teenagers, just like they opted for Hilary. The fundamental problem was that none of the good guys died and hence I found it difficult to sympathize with them since they were never in mortal danger for very long because of the Trans-Am hack which really did turn the shit factor up to eleven at times. In the end every one got it and it made the fights rather boring at times with cool poses and turning red. Even when they were talking about taking responsibility Haptism and Marie went backpacking which wasn’t as much in the way of atonement, Andrei gets a free pass for all that he’s done, Jihad-kun and friends are never tried, and Klaus gets a seat in congress for supporting Hilary, while the Azadistani are so stupid they welcome back Princess Poverty and her over fed children with open arms. Suffice to say logic and zero sum game went out the window for some bullshit about all we need to do is talk for peace. Understandably for a jaded Gundam vet who gets to visit shitty places around the globe this would not have been the Gundam series for my demographic, hell or even the older than 18 category. If you are young and have never seen the glory that was UC I can see how this would be more to your tastes, still I am old so I wouldn’t really know. It’s a step up from SEED and if that was you Gateway Gundam then more power to you, for the foreseeable the SEED generation is who Sunrise wishes to cater to for the time being.

Puny super soldier is no match for Hi Nu’s might…

Haptism was still rather newbish…

Lyle’s cooking MC’s like a pound of bacon.

What I did like though was the outside of the heroic whining and bitching that the minor characters were fairly decent, Sergei wasn’t perfect, but he did try to do things right. Patrick was the lovable inoffensive survivor who simply made all the SRSFKN business guys rage at how he was a nuisance so he scores points in my book for giving Lockon Fans a hard time by blinding Neil. Prince Ali was great until he was laid low by an ungodly amount of hax which Lyle seemed to get more than his fair share of, but again I suppose there are those who would willing sacrifice tight story telling for cool super speshul Trans-Am effects. Ginin was simply Mr. Zero Bullshit, and Darth Louise was a high point since she was the only one I could sympathize with. Sure revenge is bad (or at least that is what Sunrise would have us believe) but ultimately it made her more human as revenge is a very real human desire, I could not give any of a less of a damn whether it is right or wrong because fundamentally justice is a form of revenge. Katie earned her flag rank as she tried to impart some tactical thinking into the series even if it was all for nothing with Trans-Am. At least she did well in life, made general, got decent employment, and married a guy four years her junior who by all accounts will always be faithful. Oddly enough Katie was at her prettiest for this episode, and her wedding to Lucky Colasour was the ideal I am sure most of us would aspire to. It was a prefect wedding, no Andrei, no Billy, no Sumeragi, the groom was handsome, and the bride was beautiful. I suppose we have Patrick to thank for wanting to go traditional since he seems to have done all of the leg work had it been Katie it may well have been in uniform with a military chaplain, suffice to say Patrick some how talked Katie in to going strapless which I highly approve of.

Oh FUCK…

You’re not Lalah…

Hell YEAH Ribbons broke out with a DRILL WOOOOOOO…oh wait…

What Gundam 00 did have was a very strong middle, the beginning was slow but held a lot a promise, but he end was a near total betrayal once things were dumbed down, the Gagas were just icing. Honestly simply talking isn’t going to solve anything, and I am rather sick of democracy being touted as the solution when it certainly isn’t. Gundam 00 has a sort of neo-conservative theme to it, spreading of democracy through force, and having a core group that decides what is best through liberal application of military power to solve problems, as the majority is ignorant or apathetic. Talking was never a strong point when beams were flying everywhere, so again this is hardly anti-war, but being Gundam that is hardly surprising since none of the others were. This something I found rather detestable even if those who think that the message of Gundam 00 is generally good, given what neo-conservatism has brought about in my country but I suspect this is something that won’t be given a second thought. What Ribbons was gunning for was a sort of old school utopia along Plato’s Republic though by today’s standards Plato comes off as rather fascist.

Mit donnernden Motoren,
Geschwind wie der Blitz,
Dem Feinde entgegen,
Im Gundam geschützt
Voraus den Kameraden,
Im Kampf steh’n wir allein,

Steh’n wir allein,

So stoßen wir tief
In die feindlichen Reih’n.

Mit donnernden Motoren,
Geschwind wie der Blitz,
Dem Feinde entgegen,
Im Gundam geschützt
Voraus den Kameraden,
Im Kampf steh’n wir allein,

Steh’n wir allein,

So stoßen wir tief
In die feindlichen Reih’n.

Wenn vor uns ein feindlicher
Gundam erscheint,
Wird Vollgas gegeben
Und ran an den Feind!
Was gilt denn unser Leben
Für unsres Reiches Heer?

Ja Reiches Heer?

Für Deutschland zu sterben
Ist uns höchste Ehr.

Mit Sperren und Minen
Hält der Gegner uns auf,
Wir lachen darüber
Und fahren nicht drauf.
Und droh’n vor uns Geschütze,
Versteckt im gelben Sand,

Im gelben Sand,

Wir suchen uns Wege,
Die keiner sonst fand.

Und läßt uns im Stich
Einst das treulose Glück,
Und kehren wir nicht mehr
Zur Heimat zurück,
Trifft uns die Todeskugel,
Ruft uns das Schicksal ab,

Ja Schicksal ab,

Dann wird uns der Gundam
Ein ehernes Grab.

Dann wird uns der Gundam
Ein ehernes Grab. (Based on Panzerlied)

Ah well Gundam 00 had its moments even if the final lap was disappointing, though mostly because the initial premise was too ambitious and they just weren’t capable of meeting the challenge and passing with flying colors. While not a revival of the UC spirit it does do things better than SEED though Gundam 00 shares more in common with the latter as time goes on, Exia R2 was an announced ass pull but an ass pull nonetheless since it could have been sortied with a GN container but wasn’t and GN Drive Syncing was easy as USB jump drive use for the last ep. It’s a shame they promised much more than they were capable of, but one can hope that maybe the VOTOMS team or some of the IGLOO guys can be called upon in the future. If only Gundam 0081 were a series…at least I still have IGLOO.

Final standings have Prince Ali as King even if Team 00 Raiser pools their kills, not sure why they really needed to show that innovadoes were out there, but since death ain’t what it used to be I suppose that without a body I can’t confirm any kills this ep with any degree of certainty.

Final Standings (No Innovadoes were hurt during the filming of this series)

After Gundam 00 Marina became Octomom (link NSFW)

Klaus and Shirin passed many tax cuts and instituted Reganomics.

You may call her Hillrod 00.

Bring cut his hair and lived out his life in Azadistan, he did not survive land reform.

Hilling was horribly disfigured after the battle and retired to the deserts to Kurdistan selling books about the Life of Patrick.

Homer was exiled to Azadistan but chose to die instead, many would have done the same given the choice.

Ribbons hid out in Africa to avoid the shit hole that was to be Azadistan.

Andrei got a job in the Air National Guard…

Billy did not get Sumeragi to put out but he got a picture of them together…okay it was a photoshop.

Bushido Bob decided to stop cosplaying.

Lyle composed a shittly poem for Anew, but she ran away to be part of Hillrod’s Cabinet.

Lyle ran away fromn his creditiors who came to collect unpaid bills that went back 4 years…also the KPSA shat on the grave.

Haptism and Marie wandered Euroland. Haptism was later killed by Putin with a judo throw, and Marie was last seen selling herself at a Dutch Brothel.

Jupiter was later invaded by the forces of Jihad-kun.

WTF no Gundam 0081?!

General Katie can I be put on the guest list?

No.

The General was just telling some piss ant off, don’t worry.

Katie will always be the Taisa of Patrick’s Youth.

Patrick wants to get married in the morning…

I was walking down a one way street
Just a looking for someone to meet
One woman who was looking for a man
Now Im hoping that the feeling is right
And Im wondering if youll stay for the night
So Im coming (I dont wanna be lonely)
I wanna love you all over

Your Patrick awaits General.

I never doubted Patrick for one minute. I am proud of them both Patrick for marrying above him, and Katie for having better taste in men than Sumeragi, beating Sumeragi to the altar was a bonus.