It’s better to have fanservice on extremely side-characters, because Koihime has a reputation to protect!

Yes, I am back after a long period of “greenery”. By any stroke of genius, it is always very important after two weeks of inactivity to write something that is generally nonsensical to get yourself back into writing stride. Koihime clearly fits the bill with the introduction of two new characters that are hilariously transited well in the world of ecchi anime. Actually, just one, since the other hot-mama Huang Zhong seemed like an one-shot appearance.

Anyway, we have Sun Shang Xiang who is just another word for loli tyrannic bait. I guess it is to cater to those anime fans who likes those annoying loli brats that orders everyone around. I cannot see the fascination for this, but I guess to each his own. It’s just the same reason why I have this love for spunky shoujo characters that no one appreciates that much: aka Kyoko-sama of Skip Beat. You can tell that this entry is a blatant attempt to contain my excitement over Skip Beat!

Rubbish aside, Episode 9 is waiting to be smashed to smithereens once more. How dare they trivialize the rivalry between Xiahou Dun and Guan Yu into mere …jealousy on the bed?

This is a map, and we are going to be like dumb kids in National Treasure. Only less cool

I am quite sure that any generic anime who prides itself as a generic anime will have an episode of treasure hunting, and also an onsen episode for good ol’ fanservice. Koihime realizes that it still has many fetishes to explore, with even more characters to expose. Hence, they decided to do the smartest thing ever: combine these two elements together into a powerful fusion of energy.

Now, pardon my absence for a second as I cry myself into shame on why I am still watching this anime.

I am useless, and I am not scared to show it!

Obviously, the blonde due to the lack of brains, decided that Wen Chou and Yan Liang’s idea is great. Excusing the reality check that a governor should really not go out to find some random treasure, the fact that they are using a map that has A BLOODY HOLE JUST SUSPENDS belief. I guess they are really trying hard to convince us that intelligence is a bane in ecchi series.

Yes, I have scented the smell of cat food. It’s time to hunt it down!

Obviously, on the pretense of relaxing to find an onsen near by, Cao Cao and party are actually hunting down treasure. They are clearly setting up a four-way battle royale to see who will get the treasure first so as to increase their chances of making the Wei Brothel richer and invest in stocks such as goth loli gear and megane fox attires.

Patience, my young Xun Yu. Soon, we will have time to grab Guan Yu for a fivesome (and imagine the horror).

Yes, madam!

Yes, my liege, fivesome will be way too much for my poor puppet hands.

As they do not consider Xiahou Yuan to be attractive enough to be part of the onsen episode, she is left behind to do administrative matters. If this is yet another dig at Xiahou Yuan’s appearance in the Dynasty Warriors series, I rest my case.

I feel the force coming toward me. With two lolis that are bratty and useless respectively, I am screwed.

Since Guan Yu and company are roaming around doing absolutely nothing but goofing around, they found themselves in yet another town. Honestly, I am already wondering if they are going to omit Liu Bei completely from this story since it is going on a very family-friendly plot in terms of violence. Everyone seems to love everyone in this series, despite many annoying traits. I will personally try to kill Sun Shang Xiang at the first instance, so I must admit that the Shu faction really have nerves of steel and stupidity.

For stupidity! For loli-nakedness! For silly fanservice that makes no sense!

Damn you lolis for causing the spring to be out of water

It turns out that the lolis of stupidity and bratty behavior caused a drought in the area, hence resulting in a dysfunctional hot spring. Ok, ok, before I completely praised the developers and producers of this anime for making the Shu faction look as stupid as they ever can be in any Romance of the Three Kingdoms adaptation, it is some fault in the fission line that resulted in the hot spring water being cut off.

So, it is decided that all of them will find a new hot spring for themselves. For great fanservice justice.

It’s time for the battle of Chi Bi, the most revered water battle of all time!

Sun Shang Xiang, being the brat she is, decided to make this a contest. For the life of me, I think that Guan Yu should just get rid of this brat, sell her to the Wu Brothel and make sure you get back Ma Chao who is much cuter and definitely less annoying. I have this burning sensation to make sure that Sun Shang Xiang will be barbequed medium well-done on a roasting pole.

Xiahou Dun, you are hot but I just enjoy that dark smooth hair of Guan Yu.

I like how they somehow fuse in Xiahou Dun’s obvious jealousy over Guan Yu. In the novel, Xiahou Dun was never happy that Guan Yu was given preferred treatment since he considered himself as a close aide of Guan Yu. Their rivalry has been amplified in a few key incidents during the early years of the period, and was a major plot advancement in the relationship between Guan Yu and Cao Cao.

However, since this anime refuses to be serious and still wants to stick to some historical facts, Xiahou Dun is worried that Cao Cao will no longer visit her bed.

Don’t worry, Xiahou Dun, my liang is definitely able to handle all of you at one go.

Proving once again that retards should never hold a map. They think they are playing peep-a-boo.

The famous trio of stupidity (Yuan Shao and dummies incorporated) also arrived in the forest to find this treasure on a map that is not even likely to be authentic. Whatever it is, they started to screw up in generally epic fashions, and I am not even bothered to give you a summary on their stupidity. Attempting to describe it will make my already reduced brain cells pretty much decimated. I will need some major dosage of aspirin to ameliorate my condition.

Insects! Women’s most feared enemy even if you can wield a sword and cut bandits for jokes!

Bear, oh bear, will you bear my children?

On the other hand, our Shu faction women had company. Well, a huge bear. It turns out that it is in fact Zhang Fei’s pet when she was young, only to realize that this huge bear is a wild beast that cannot wait to kick their ass. So, they ran. Ran like bitches. On a side note, while all the girls are working hard to dig for the hot spring, Sun Shang Xiang the bratty bitch is sitting down there bored and doing absolutely nothing.

I do not have an agenda toward women who looked hot, cute and sexy to sit there doing nothing. I don’t even mind if women who are pleasant looking sit there doing nothing. When a bratty loli who annoys the hell out of me sits down doing nothing when everyone else is, I hope she will be disfigured by a scorpion or something.

Yes, scream as much as you want. NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU, PARTICULARLY THIS IRATE BLOGGER!

Why so serious? You will just be sent to the slaughter house for bratty imbeciles.

Eventually, it seems like Yuan Shao and co decided to use Sun Shang Xiang as a hostage, but it seems that the Shu faction is rather reluctant to save her. However, the bear came over and chased down Yuan Shao and co. They flew down a cliff, and Yuan Shao died. Hurray to death. Well, sadly, that is not the case because I really do not know why Yuan Shao the annoying blonde keeps appearing to annoy the shit out of me. They simply fell off the cliff and still survived.

Give me my Lu Bu or Zhang Liao any time. They are at least somewhat interesting compared to the three stooges who are more retarded than Fuuko. Yes, that is a total insult.

When you cross over the yellow river, you are dead.

This is something I have to praise the developers for making me think of a parallelism with the Yellow River that has brought many deaths through its many flooding of the bank. There is often a lot of symbolism when it comes to rivers and deaths. Most should be familiar with the River Styx.

It is said that stupidity breeds luck. I never believe that crap until this episode.

It turns out that her fall brought her to the hot spring, with everyone gathering to go in. They talked about boobs for two minutes and their sleight of hand. I am quite sure for those people who are still watching this anime will enjoy the flowery language of this episode.

How dare you call my boobs small! They are just …nice (That is me talking, if you are wondering)

Zhao Yun also makes an appearance as an masked hentai.

Hardo Yuri!

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