Gundam Jesus’ latest weapon is an over sized stabbing implement, and Setsuna was most eager to begin thrusting and playing with it.
February 16, 2308 the Operation Blowup Everything had been for the most part a resounding success for Army Group Trinity, the Fortress of Saragossa was reduced and the Halevey Imperial Guard was reduced from 87 divisions to a single heavily mauled and crippled brigade. Unfortunately their erstwhile comrades in Army Group Sumeragi suddenly had an attack of conscience and began a general offensive against Army Group Trinity. However from the outset Army Group Sumeragi’s offensive had already been seriously compromised…(Warning I was a bit tipsy in writing this)
The Commanders
You gonna get raped!
Just be sure to take the morning after pill…and for bloody sake get a blood test while your at it.
Grofaz Alejandro Corner (Supreme Commander Army Group Trinity)
While Johann served as field commander, it was Alejandro Corner who was molesting children across the world as UN Secretary. By 2308 his relations with Ms. Wang had already bore fruit resulting three pregnancies that were promptly aborted upon discovery. Not only did he go there Corner had come to know Ms. Wang so well that he was able to misdirect her at every turn leaving Army Group Sumeragi without a consistent source of intelligence regarding enemy movements. Such was his success with clouding Ms. Wang fragile mind that her entire network was rendered useless as Ms. Wang was reduced to squeezing herself into her Qi Pao two sizes too tall. While his aura of pedo and evil were plain to all, Ms. Wang never seemed to notice.
What part of Gundam do you not understand?! GUNDAM – God Unequivocally Never Did Approve of Meisters. Seems Ersatz Jesus was given an ersatz brain too…
Do you always have to end a sentence like this…
Meister Setsuna F. Seiei (1st Gundam Jesus)
More popularly known as the Kurdi Kid, and Ersatz Jesus, Soran Ibrahim was an idiot kid who put up the lives of his family to get his first identity package, Islamic Fundamentalist. He would later turn his back on God and went so far as wanting to see God in the temporal world. Suffice to say God was too busy keeping the universe in order to answer the whims of a slayer of his own family. Also Haruhi-sama was uninterested because he was not an esper, time traveler, or alien. Setsuna was known more for his patented blind banzai charges than any tactical skills his appointment as meister would remain controversial well after his death. His opening actions at the Engano Ambush would doom the operation from the start.
Like loli-cons…
Despite his reputation as an elite sniper, Lockon could not shoot strait with a pistol at point blank. It is theorized that haro was the actual sniper while Lockon sat there to look pretty.
Meister Lock-on Stratos (2nd Gundam Kinderklau)
Known more for his sniping skills and his dalliances with underage girls Lock-on found himself as the most senior field commander in Army Group Sumeragi. Unfortunately due to his consistent lack of forcefulness and authority he was never able to ensure efficient command and control. Quite why his family and Ireland were attacked by Middle Eastern Terrorists will never be known. In fact it had never entered his mind or the minds of most rational people. After abandoning what remained of his family Lock-on decided to fight terrorism by becoming a terrorist rather than joining the AEU’s GSG 9, Irish Army Rangers, or joining the Mossad to bring the Wrath of God upon the heads of Middle Eastern terrorists everywhere. Nevertheless Lock-on’s inability to control Setsuna would again have dire consequences for Army Group Sumeragi at Engano.
Opposing Plans
Oh shit its the Wonder Twins…
Army Group Trinity
While initially Johann was taken by surprise he quickly recovered from the ill conceived initial barrage of the 1st Gundam Jesus. Knowing that he would need to fight his way through this ambush he formed up his units behind the aegis of Michael Trinity’s 8th Gundam Zwei. Preservation of his force was his top priority and while he out numbered his foes he tried to heavily maul his would be ambushers.
Pops, don’t care. Pops is busy…I take that back Sumeragi your must have been in the Union Military because you definitely have a navy sized ass.
Kibitz from no name helmsman piss me off. It really says something if Sumeragi’s ass is doing all the thinking…not to mention giving orders to the crew.
Army Group Sumeragi
Grofaz Sumeragi was taken very much surprise by the independent actions of the 1st Gundam Jesus. While consulting her staff that was miles from the front the debated amongst themselves about the best course of action, the concluded that Lock-on should do as he pleased. The delay in the 2nd Gundam Kinderklau sortie was to have a most detrimental affect on the out come of the hasty ambush. In the mean time the plan of the 1st Gundam Jesus was amazingly simple. As Meister Setsuna said of it later, “Real Gundam invincible; go in and pwn all. Copies no match for original.” Suffice to say his plan was as stupid as it was unimaginative.
Here is your Field Kitchen Assault Badge, Jody.
The Battle
At 00:00 the 1st Gundam Jesus opened up a light barrage at extreme range giving away their intentions and position. At 00:25 the 1st Gundam Jesus charged across a mile of no man’s air. Recovering rapidly the 8th Gundam Zwei moved rapidly to blunt the Gundam Jesus advance. Johann sent out communications to determine the reality of the situation thinking that this might have been an accidental clash. However his worries over a possible blue on blue were quickly rebuffed by Ersatz Jesus’ accusation of Gundam Piracy and demanded 1 million dollars for each copy of Gundam they downloaded from the intarnets. At 00:42 after preaching the gospel of Ersatz Jesus the 1st Gundam resumed their charge. The 8th Gundam masterfully blunted this second assault allowing Johann to plead once again with Ersatz Jesus to cease hostilities. Resigned to the unremitting idiocy of Ersatz Jesus Johan gave orders for Army Group Trinity to fire for effect to beat off the assault of Army Group Sumeragi.
Open Hearto!
Using the brief lull in close combat Micheal fired off a salvo of Fang forcing the 1st Gundam to expend their ordinance for counter battery fire. At 03:08 sensing an opportunity the 8th Gundam fired off their last Fangs to deal a crushing blow to the units in the Gundam Jesus’ rear echelons. Only the timely arrival of the 4/5th Gundam Trap averted a total rout. Back at Amry Group Sumeragi, miles from the front as prescribed by Lloyd Fredendall, was in disarray regarding the events only an encrypted message from the 2nd Gundam Kinderklau did the heimkrieger snap into action. Holding the 3rd Gundam Scheisskopf in Strategic Reserve the Butterfront gave Lockon a carte blanche to do what he wished, in other words the Grofaz Sumeragi did not know what to do.
I see that CB has been cutting costs to finance Sumeragi’s boobs booze…
It was just the response he needed and wanted. Lockon sortied out at 04:47 after bantering with his co-pilot over nothing. At 05:54 the 4/5th Gundam took the lead as the spearhead for the next charge of Army Group Sumeragi as to take advantage of their superior shielding in the limited forward arc of 90 degrees. While most imagine that the use of formations was probably impressive, no one was able to see how sloppy it really was and how little tactical thought had gone into creating them. As research later showed Christina was making up names to describe the pretty blips she saw on her screen, Nevertheless the radio chatter between the Trap and Ersatz Jesus went well into the realm of useless, He-man, and friendship through mecha. In an attempt to punch a hole in the Sumeragi line Johann formed up with the 7th Gundam Drei to initiate a hurricane barrage at 06:38 unfortunately at 06:49 the Gundam Trap initiated the Trial system that brought the 6th and 7th Gundam to a grinding halt. Only the fortunate maxing out of Tieria’s credit card allowed them to escape. At 08:40 leading elements of the 2nd Gundam Kinderklau began bombarding Army Group Trinity. With his own 6th Gundam at less than optimal strength Johann ordered a general withdrawal at 08:49. Despite the golden opportunity presented to them Army Group Sumeragi was too dumb stuck by emo and history to pursue.
Aftermath
Oh good grief its only un-upgraded volks…
While the Celestial Being civil war was ramping up the Allied governments were already considering a general surrender due to overwhelming inferiority of their forces to the power of emo-righteousness. In addition with billions of civilians to look after surrender seemed preferable to asking their respective peoples to die in vain for some silly cause like an imperial throne, or a contemptible sense of honor. Their plans and deliberations were halted when the Corner Faction gave the Allies 30 Pirated GN Drives. With this new strategic resource the Allies set in motion Operation Dynamo, one of the riskiest operations they would take during the course of the war.
But not a pinky promise you tart…oh yeah you can’t make one.
After many months the 82nd remained in a state of disrepair spurning all orders to rest and refit. Instead Obercivliian Louise created another propaganda piece using recycled footage as a ode of her love to the 1st Saji. It lasted 2 minutes too long. Sadly despite forcing the 1st Saji to pursue their dreams of working in space, the lack of a yubikiri or pinky swear to seal the deal would prove detrimental to the agreement. In the end the 1st Saji deserted to Japan. Also the song was horribly misplaced as many would and still don’t give a damn about the 1st Saji or the 82nd Louise. Suffice to say cheesy Saji and Louise clip show? DO NOT WANT.
Oh really? I still think you need to get one.
Not content to merely sabotage the Allied War Effort fifth columnist Kinue remained undetected in her efforts to investigate things that she could do little to affect.
Despite the revelation of Ersatz Jesus’ links to the KPSA friendship through mecha ensured that love for himself trumped Lock-on’s insignificant love for his dead parents and imouto. Blaming the 20 years of conflict on everyone else and mostly on God; Ersatz Jesus, Kinderklau, and Trap renewed their resolve to bask in Godlessness and arrogant thinking. Deluding one another into believing that they were going to change the world through violence like Ms. Wang; like her not one of them thought about solving world hunger, AIDS, or cancer as a means to bring about a fundamental change in the human condition. Their conduct throughout the war remains little celebrated outside of piya heitai fanatics and remains a source of sadness, anger, and pain for 99.9% of the surviving world population.
Kinue is going to get raped…
It was the first battle in the CB Civil War, and despite the prevailing joy of the Sumeragi Faction it was hard to ignore the fact that Army Group Trinity escaped largely unscathed, thus ending any hope for a short war. While Grofaz Sumeragi would write numerous books defending her decision, most scholars and officers have ignored them throughout the years as a boring apologia that sidestepped the underlying issues and looked more like a pr0n publication than a serious military treatise. While it seemed like a good idea at the time for Sumeragi it was to be the world that would pay for her brilliant allowance for Army Group Trinity to escape to fight another day.
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33 Comments
Lockon fails at being a commissar. He couldn’t even hold a proper summary execution.
frankly, i am disappointed that the demise of the 82nd Louise did not fill the 1st Saji with a lust for vengeance on the Gundams.
“Corner Faction gave the Allies 30 Pirated GN Drives”
time for more gundams? or an upgrade for current suits?
Oh man the end of this episode made me roll my eyes, now everyone gets fake GN drives and gundams! It’s been telegraphed since at least the illuminati/STEELE episode that Alejandro and the green haired dude were evil, I really don’t think it’s necessary to have them doing evil smiles for people to figure that out. At least leave us in suspense a bit more. Regardless it was fun seeing the mini-gundam battle and Tieria go a bit batty and then laugh it off.
I was actually fairly impressed with Setsuna this episode. Outside of the tactically-questionable, to use a kinder euphemism, decision to attack a numerically superior force with unknown capabilities and no battle plan, I feel that he acquitted himself quite well. The concept of a mêlée mobile suit is absurd on its face, but he did almost win against an enemy with “Fangs.” I mean those Fangs ostensibly guarantee that Gundam Jesus is constantly flanked. Also, he didn’t get shot in the face. So… a win, overall.
Calawain, of course the green-haired guy is evil. Don’t you know that green hair is a universal sign of evil in anime, especially in lol*-* No Signal *-*
“But not a pinky promise you tart…oh yeah you can’t make one.”
Glorious!Oh life is so cruel
But I actually liked louise and saji’s scene.I thougtit was rather well done and Louise showed some dignity.
Between the STEELE council and now mass-produced copies of secret mecha engines, I’m getting really bad Human Instrumentality Project vibes off this whole “intervention” plan.
No Sunrise. Bad Sunrise. Bad. That’s a bad Sunrise. No treat for you.
@Setsuna-san
Yeah I wishe Lockon didn’t miss he could have saved this series from the young terroist. Sadly it also seems that future mandatory Saji and Louise time will consist of them emoing all over new reports…
Here’s hoping that the 82nd Louise and 1st Saji will get annihilated soon.
@Calawain
It was obvious to all that Corner and Ribbons were piddling evil there was no need to include the evil smiles. I bet Sunrise thinks we all needed a hint or something.
I hope that the Allies will make the best use of this strategic resource like having each of the big three use 8 of theirs for use in front line units (ie engine upgrades for the Flags, Enact, and a new HRL unit for Soma) and keep 2 for research and template for future mass production. That would leave the Union, AEU, and HRL with 2 flights of upgraded MS each, and a total of 6 for R&D. But this is Sunrise and I am under no illusion that they might just throw them all away before Ersatz Jesus Mk II arrives to thump them all.
@Erias
Bah it took Tieria’s interrvention to save him from the last two. The day Ersatz Jesus thinks is the day I have something good to say about him. As it stands he is little more than a private major, perhaps even less…
Though you are right about green haird people, Impz is a meanie. T_T
@ZeusIrae
It wasn’t that dignified, oh look at the 82nd Lousie trying to emulate bandage girl Rei Ayanami… Piss poor cosplay IHMO. A prosthetic would be most dignified at this point, its been weeks an that stump ain’t gonna grow a hand ya know. It’s high time Louise use her billions to rebuild herself. She could get some new clothes and Sumeragi boob job while she’s at it…
hey a clip show is a clip show and I really don’t care for them, coupled with the friendship through mecha this episode was most lacking. At least there will be some Soma goodness in the next episode.
@Will
Perhaps I should start placing bets on whether or not Sunrise will opt for a Gainax ending…
Of all the studios to copy why…
The “Open Hearto” screencap replaces last episode’s “Lulz” screencap for Best Gundam00 Screencap Yet
i saw the Gundam with a sword screencap.
And then i stopped reading.
But wasn’t the Gaynacs ending just a hodgepodge of random scenes where Shinji talks to himself and random people over useless things? And didn’t that just happen because they ran out of mula?
I don’t think Lockon was seriously trying to aim directly at Setsuna. Just a hunch.
ah well… still the old style of relaying the gospel to your loyal readers like me, Monsignor Crusader.
thanks for this post.
The screencaps and you are so freakin’ funny hahaha It would be so nice if Saji and Louise’s relationship will end in this episode. I was getting sick of their happy moments while everyone around them are suffering with all the madness going on. I understand why the author decided to throw them in the story though, but as far as I’m concerned, Louise still hasn’t run out of pinkies. She may still have more tricks up her jacket. Was that cheesy musical interlude really two-minutes long? LOL I thought it would never end.
I was waiting for you to make a Boy-Love comment about the first person Setsuna flayed his genuine smile on–which is Lockon (the lolicon ^.^). All this time, I thought the writers will reserve the brat’s smile to Marina which is also a lolicon, but alas. So amusing. Also Tiera, who always seems to be in a permanent PMS, miraculously smiled. Looks like it’s not only Nadleeh, maybe it’s springtime for Tiera too haha
Allelujah. ^__^ I have nothing to say. I heart him.
Lastly! Something has been eating on me ever since Tiera cried like a girl. WHO or WHAT is Veda, Vader, whatever? -_- Is he that observer from the UN or what? I was hoping one of you guys here would know. ^_~
Vader/Veda is the supahcomputah of CelestialBeing.
lol So I take it, the person operating Veda is unknown?
the Veda system operates on its own (supposedly)
@Soulshard
I still have a spacial place for the lulz.
@DrmChsr0
It’s not my Fault Sunrise was trying to pimp out EXIA toys, yes even the sax toys…
@LockOffStratus
Sunrise might still run out of ideas…
Perhaps Lockon missed on purpose, and if so he is a bigger fool than we give him credit for.
@Tieria GAYrde (rollchan)
Thanks for reading.
@Ricaryx
I would have made a jab at boys love Setsuna but the scene was not compromising enough… T_T
Clearly it’s Sunrise operating Veda because they are the spawn of Satan and all things awful in the world, scheming to make us watch their terribly written shows and buy their model kits. I mean a new weapon? Truly we have seen the devil and it is Sunrise. I mean even their name is so cultish and Steele (sic) like. How dare they exist.
And yes Evangelion was the first series in the history of media to have a secretive organization manipulating events from behind the scenes. Therefore since everything Sunrise does is automatically evil, they MUST be copying Gainax. And even if there was something known as OZ and The Romefeller Foundation before Evangelion ever had it’s first episode, Sunrise is still evil because they are.
This episode featured an evil smile too, so it get’s a 1/10 awful.
Also long silver hair is the evil colour, not green. This becomes almost comically true if you have played any of Square Enix’s recent games. Though that still doesn’t excuse Sunrise for having an evil Green haired character. How dare they.
……Wait, why am I supposed to be upset again.
… Because Crusader once more laced his blog post with sarcasm and vitriol? I’d though that you’d have gotten used to that by now, given the plot rollercoaster that Gundam 00 has been going through these past few episodes.
Yes I got the part about the series daring to have a plot, but not why I should be upset. I mean if he’d actually convey what he thinks about the episode once in a while instead of this usual bit then maybe just maybe I’d know why. Other than that I can’t help but feel he’s doing it for the hell of it. I mean True Tears get’s a reasonable blogging each week from him so I know it’s possible.
Because whereas many of my animu-compatriots would speak good of the fledgling child that is Gundam00, I can only see lulz (not the kind of good lulz that people speak of the over-the-topness of Code Geass, but “LOGIC ERROR” lulz). I can’t help but notice that, even when compared to the many flaws and complaints made about SEED (which pales in comparison to the many other Gundam series before it), and especially about its botched sequel DESTINY, Gundam00 makes previously ‘bad’ Gundam series/OVAs/movies look good. Really, really good.
Except for the G-Savior movie, which can rot in a frozen tundra.
As always just because someone laces their response with as many memes as humanly possible doesn’t make it true. And you know maybe if it didn’t seem like some people set out from the beginning to find a way to represent the series in the worst light humanly possible (which seems to involve cramming as many 4chan memes into their discussion points as they can so that all of it appears by suggestion to have no real meaning) I would take all this talk of “lulz” with a little more consideration. Sadly all I’m getting is memespeak thus it’s really hard to do so.
Whatever the case, Crusader has a right to blog how he sees fit. It basically all boils down to the weakness that you’re apparently still unable to overcome; if you don’t like it, don’t watch.
On another note, you need to go intervene somewhere else. I can’t do a Meister sequel if you keep intervening in the same places. :p
Sometimes you are funny, and sometimes…Well, don’t try in some instances, I suppose.
In some ways, I still enjoy reading this blog for some humor (even though some/most of it was tasteless) because of the comments. To be fair, Crusader, I’d say you’re blogging in a pretty ‘unique’ way. I see overusing certain terms is still a bad habit of yours.
@Kaioshin-sama
If by now you haven’t realized my modus operandi by now I doubt I could enlighten you as to why I found this episode to be a disappointment. Nevertheless since you asked…
1. Nary a second of Soma, Katie, Aker, Ali, or Patrick
2. The continued military incompetence of Army Group Sumeragi
3. The touting of Louise and Saji as a tragedy of war. I feel neither sorry or sympathetic to their “plight.”
4. Nearly two whole minutes devoted to a clip show of Louise and Saji…
5. Kinue is a fifth columnist and the only good fifth columnist is a dead fifth columnist. As she is still breathing…
I would have hoped that my rather kind treatment of Army Group Trinity would have conveyed how much I do like them. Also I had assumed that my utter disdain for the characters that got a lot of screen time should have conveyed my views on them rather clearly. Now sir if my post is so hateful to you then please stop reading in the future. No one is making you read this, also please note that this blog was built by Impz on a firm foundation of moe. This is not a mecha blog by die hard mecha fans who know mecha like the back of their hands. Also note I am a disciple of Jason Miao and his School of Derailed, therefore I must draw the conclusion that we shall never see eye to eye and that your efforts here, for whatever you objective you may have, are in vain and futile in regards to any future posting on this matter.
@Myssa Rei
Glad to see that you approve of the sarcasm and vitriol levels.
@Soulshard
Agreed G-Savior can rot in the 9th Circle of Hell.
@Ascaloth
Thanks for respecting my right to blog poorly and badly. Also Noe is Moe. Sieg Noe.
@O.D
Using Grofaz is so much easier to type and plethora of nicknames would make any future post an incoherent mess. Also Größter Feldherr aller Zeiten is rather lengthy to type.
That you admit that you subscribe to Jason Miao’s theories is actually more of a step in the right direction of us seeing eye to eye than you might think. I was well aware just in the way you write that you had adopted his style, but it’s good that you yourself admit it. Wouldn’t have been my personal choice for inspiration by a long shot though. I prefer to form an opinion over time rather than to decide on one well in advance of a topic that is going to be evolving and then framing everything that happens with regard to said topic in that preconceived context like he does for the sake of upholding a meme.
By the way, whenever the topic of G-Saviour comes up I am briefly ashamed to be a Canadian. I’m glad that it was never accepted as canon by just about anybody and pray that nothing so awful ever happens again to the franchise.
@Ascaloth: ….you…..you mean don’t read right?
@Kaioshin,
Read, watch, same difference. You’re just repeating the mistakes that caused you to be so hated amongst the KyoAni fandom. Sometimes, taking a hint can save yourself from much trouble.
Yes, funny thing that hatred. I don’t seem to recall being allowed an opinion on Kyoani series back then or even today, but oh well. I also fail to see how defending my own franchise like the Kyoani fans defended their’s will make he hated, but I guess we’ll see. It’s essentially the same situation only the roles are reversed. I hope you realize this. You wouldn’t ask Kyoani fans to take a hint and step aside when they feel they have a right to address the criticism of their favourite series and studio so I hardly think it’s fair that you suggest I do.
Anyway, I think this hopefully closes the topic for this week. I also never once suggested that Crusader change his style, nor that I even really hate it per se, but that I think he has got a very out of sync perspective for viewing this show. There’s a huge difference there. I’ve seen my share of criticisms on how I handle things with my writing. Such criticisms that I am overly serious and too intense with my views. It happens, it’s part of the game. If you run a blog for long enough, eventually somebody is going to come along that doesn’t agree with how you represent things. Heck I’ve even had one guy tell me I should go kill myself. :0 If I ever say something like that then feel free to nail me though as I’ll deserve it.
@Kaioshin,
For one thing, it’s not YOUR franchise, it’s Sunrise’s. LOL forgive me, I’m sleep-deprived, and that kind of condition is akin to being drunk for me.
Basically, the problem I see here is that it’s not about you defending the franchise, it’s that you’re invading what I call other people’s “home ground” in order to do so. I was perfectly happy to nail you when you invaded my RIUVA “home ground” to attack CLANNAD, and currently DarkMirage and Crusader don’t hold back from nailing you precisely because you’re invading their “home ground”. Nobody likes their “home ground” being invaded, seriously; in a twisted way, it’s like Tieria getting pissed at having his VEDA invaded.
You’re perfectly free to disagree with other people’s views, so long as you do it within your own “home ground”. You were still making anti-KyoAni rants in your own blog not so long ago, and I still don’t like those, but you don’t see me invading your “home ground” to disagree with you, do you? If you understand this concept, then maybe you’ll come to see why people are hating on you even though you’re just defending a franchise you’re a fan of.
On another note, while forums are technically “neutral ground”, in reality they’re more often “home grounds”. That would help to explain why you still got nailed in AS’s CLANNAD subforum back when you’re still making regular comments there.
Okay you two time to take it else where. I don’t want to ban either of you, but if you keep this up I might have to.
Do I make myself clear?
@Crusader,
*shrug* I’m done. You won’t get anything more from me on this matter.
Thank You.
>> Yes I got the part about the series daring to have a plot,
Pleeeeeeeease. This is “Gundam”, not “The Forever War”.
>> I prefer to form an opinion over time
Coming from someone who rated Euphinator episode a 10, I lol at this statement.
I’ll tell you how I’ll start to take Gundam seriously. I’ll take it seriously and not go LOL GUNDAM LOL when the writers will actually do their homeworks and realize that there are more to war than “WAR IS BAD”, go watch “The Pianist”, “Sometimes in April”, and so on, to see what I mean. I’ll take their effort in showing politics seriously when it’ll impress me as much as “State of Play” or “Seven Days in May”. Because so far, NOTHING in G00 (or even Geass) has impressed me.
@Anon
Here here there is more to war than “War is Bad.”