Gundam 00 – 14/15: Well at least they got the yaoi hentai dialog down…

Soon we will all bow before our underage prostitute overlords. Things will pretty much be the same except we have to eat a bucket of shit everyday. Good thing under Wang efficiency they’re either always short on shit or some one steals the buckets!

Well since I had no choice but to keep faith with DarkMirage’s brand of Gundam 00 these two episodes were a hoot for all the wrong reason. Sure otaku have all joked about Sunrise doing hentai but with these two eps they have the ham-fisted dead pan dialog down for their next hardo gei hentai OVA. However I must say that am just loving how the Big Three are gearing up to take on the CB menace. As always the OP tells all and we can now confirm the return of the three ship alliance third faction of a name to be determined in the future that Sunrise believes can solve all problems. Since there was so much character development I will break this post into sub sections based on characters. Still I give this one an up if only for the shits and giggles I got. Warning: Crude Sexual Humor and Explicit Language

Pr0n Pad 175 Billion Dollars. Making lewd content starring people with fucked up teeth, 5 Dollars. Selling your virginity to make the cool million to get the ball rolling? Priceless. There are somethings money can’t buy but for everything else there is Ms. Wang’s dignity.

CB (C0ck Blasters/Cum Buckets, making yaoi hentai since 2107)

Tieria

That’s one big strap on you got there, compensating for something are we?

Oh so gametes are called particles now. Sure, burst away and unload your particles.

What does a emo bishonen do when stuck in Wang’s pr0n place, why go to the basement to wank off of course by getting his hard on for stats. How fitting that such a loser uses statistics, for is it not true that there are lies damned lies and then there are statistics? Once the battle commences the lad wastes no time and putting on his “strap on” and going into “burst mode.” Oh how the vaunted mission oriented have fallen, he gets slapped around by Patrick! Black Knight Patrick!

Setsuna

Setsuna was hit by a NICE BOAT! NICE BOAT Ali!

Yes, your wife deserves an explanation.

Ah, the fucking shouta of the group, always blaming God for all his problems, he has had a lot of screen time and has said some very stupid things as well as not doing a damn thing. He steals his wee little weapon and goes off to Mahdi-hime’s (Marina Ismail) room to discuss the of all things God and free will vs. omnipotence. If there were any doubts before this proves that Setsuna F. Seiei is going to be taking it up the ass permanently. Heck even Louise can sense his gay from miles away. Louise’s impotence towards breaking up SajixSetsuna indicate that good times are ahead. It was most awesome seeing him being run over by Ali’s NICE BOAT which turned him into some three year old brat crying “Gundam” like some worthless tart begging mommy for a toy the family can’t afford. I bet the bastard is going to have “Gundam, Gundam, GUUUNNNDDDAAMMM, T_T” as his epitaph.

Lockon

Oh God their “particles” are getting all over the place! Grats on joining the mile high club…

Yeah let his junk do all the work back there or Lockon won’t give you a reach around!

You know come to think of it these guys don’t have code names these are all pr0nstar names. After all Lockon Stratos has numerous connotations, besides he listens to pr0n over the radio. He gets off on sound alone. It doesn’t help the fact that he was on top of Haptism urging him to stay still, no doubt he didn’t like having his junk rattled so much. In fact it peeved him so much that Lockon failed to give Haptism a reach around. No doubt it’s going to be a unique experience to see Lockon and Graham Aker hold a mecha rendition of Sleeping Beauty. Seriousness be damned yaoi mecha sechs is Sunrise’s raison d’être.

Haptism

Ah, so Lockon did give a you a reach around…

I can’t believe that Hallelujah didn’t even come out to play, not doubt the yaoi mecha sechs was just too much even for the crazy bastard. Indeed the Hallelujah the Rapist is in fact the hetero one since he was most determined to learn of the full name of the esteemed Soma. Allelujah on the other hand was absolutely pwned by a vengeful Soma, but alas mecha sechs Sunrise did not spare the budget for what would have been an epic ass kicking worthy of song. All round the Meisters are a bunch of weaklings. Heck I can run on 48 hours with nary a wink (though I do start seeing black spots around 36 hours) and US Marines have to go on for 54 hours with only 4 hours of sleep every 20 hours. Yet these guys bitch about a mere fifteen, fuck even a hardened college undergrad can pull that off…

Sumeragi

Welcome to the new and improved “Hannity and Colmes,” “Sumeragi and Wang” now with 9% less dignity, 6% more ignorance. and 900% more bias! And you didn’t think that it was possible!

While DFC lovers every where would no doubt love the clueless bint no matter how utterly dumb she is, I still have an axe to grind against this hated traitor to the Union. She’s so fucking pathetic what a tease! She has sheep bleating as her ring tone; its so sad, but some how this will be considered moe… No doubt its because Billy goat is still in her heart if not her pants. She had used her nasty whore top on for her dayto with Billy goat and yet some how she can’t even devise a new strategy to over come the Big Three’s use of attrition. No doubt this is going to be retconed to be part of some contrived plan that was ingeniously devised. Her sense of style is woefully lacking with hat her being so desperate for Billy goat’s +0.4 cm staff of penetration that she once again breaks out her hideous cleavage which is so big you could lose your dog in. Also I don’t give a damn what she thinks of humans going into space since we are already at the point where we almost need two whole planets to sustain our species. Either we go to space or kill ourselves like stationary phase bacteria in a series of resource wars. She even let that idiot subordinate Tieria give her orders! Some captain! Still as a strategic forecaster I hope she gets proven wrong by the fog and friction of war, just like the weathermen who are merely pretty faces playing pictionary.

Rest of the crew

Oh how I wish that CB was drinking some big old cups of shut the fuck up…

Oh my eyes did bleed when that stupid helmsman strutted around in his speedo no doubt he is going to take part in some sort of yaoi three way or at least pederasty. Christina and Felt take up shifts on the useless over sized telephone. While Ms. Wang sticks her thumb up her butt with out the perquisite number of costume changes to make up for it. Heck during the Moralian adventure she set up a field post but no she doesn’t even try. At least she could have been shooting some nasty cosplay pr0n with fucked up teeth while waiting, it would have been at least a productive use of her multi million dollar pr0n pad paid for by blood money and courtesan tips. But noo instead she rather have some cheap imitation of the View while Ivory Tower wannabes like her and Sumergai can banter about things that seemingly have depth while wearing skimpy out fits. No doubt it served well enough to kill a few more brain cells in the Sumeragi fan master race.

HRL

Ah just like the good old days of 1944. Not quite 3000 but a decent improvement nonetheless.

I wish Sergei would mellow out a bit, the Big Three have come together for the first time since 1942 and he seems less than enthused. Well hopefully next time he will maul whatever CB is going to throw his was, but in the mean time his efficient command ensured that Haptism was beaten like a crack whore. The overall use of massed HRL artillery like the good old days of 1944 filled my heart with admiration for the latest generation of Ivans. Quantity has a quality all its own, I hope you remember that you Princes of Moscow, you Czars of Russia.

Yes, your are number 1 mein Leutnant. Let all who hear you name tremble in fear.

Leutnant Soma has made me so proud! She rode to war and pwned Haptism and ran rings around that audio pervert Lockon. Unlike the majority of the female cast Soma has yet to fail me miserably and as the last of her kind she will do well. I just hope she gets a new mobile suit soon. Heck if Sunrise can make another three crappy over powered Gundams why can’t this most worthy of otome get a suit of her own? It can still be pink and while that down trodden Singaporean conscript DarkMirage may mock her and the SAS for using pink as desert camo as a show of gay pride (not that there is anything wrong with that mind you) I trust the manly professionals of her Majesty’s SAS and Leutnant Soma for their wisdom. After all last I checked according to Wars won count it was DarkMirage 0, SAS 2. Liverpool 3…sorry.

I am not sure why the HRL big wigs are so concerned with public out cry, I guess they can’t just use tanks like back in 1989…

AEU

Ach! They probably stumbled upon by accident mein Oberst. Still good to see that some one is exercising tactical caution.

While most other viewers are pouring over the impending advent of yet another loli (Impz is going to be so happy if she’s green haired) voiced by Rie Kugimiya (my sympathies to her for being typecast, my hopes go out to you for a non-loli tsundere role, even if its only a tsundere role) I as simply overjoyed by the introduction of one Katie Manequin. Even if no one sings the praise to Oberst Katie I will for the simple reason that unlike Sumeragi, who gets cowed into doing things by that twat Tieria, Oberst Katie is not above using Patton-esque tactics to keep her men in line. Hopefully as a direct descendant of Nabiki Tendo of Ramna fame, Oberst Katie will be just as gifted as her great sire. So far mein Oberst has not done anything daft to fuck things up. Oberst Katie is competent where Sumeragi it’s a dolt! For me Oberst Katie can do no wrong no matter how many times a certain Singaporean conscript cries bitch. She is a woman of her word for Patrick did become a man; by kicking big fat Virtue in the balls. If nothing else Patrick has decent taste in women.

Oh thank Haruhi, this series needs them badly.

While I am very much saddened by the lowering of Ali’s grizzledness levels I guess while the French Foreign Legion has gon back to the good old days of blank slate inductees their rigid adherence to male beauty yet remains, despite the universal rejection of standard military hair cuts that are within regulations. Nevertheless I was most amused how he used his NICE BOAT of a mobile armor to run over one very emo Setsuna. Such a pitty that the Trinity loli-tsundere had the nerve to save Gundam Jesus rather than simply letting him die for all of Sunrise’s sins, not that it would have availed Gundam Jesus much since the Mecha gods no longer give two shits about a studio that spends too much time on useless Jap sophistry than big explosions.

Union

Look Daryl the Mighty 8th is over 92% White MALE, you are the token black dude. No there aren’t any girls either…what do you think this is, the AEU?

While it may have been some bloody blue balled long haired hippie Jap who gave away sensitive information for a dinner I can’t believe that the Union has become so pathetic as to let some idiot Billy goat to run around leaking classified material where ever he goes. Where is the FBI? NSA? Military Intelligence? Heck where is the CIA? He didn’t even get nookie and he already put out for a lecherous leer?! Haruhi’s ribbon, I knew that Jap men were effete makeup wearing losers who degrade women as birthing machines but by Jove just a look and you sacrifice numerous soldiers for one measly look?! Congratulations Billy Goat Katagiri you are the new Hiroshi Oshima class idiot and cock sucker! Now for good of all go commit hara-kiri before you continue to contaminate the earth with your blue balls and stupidity.

Watch the particle stains…

Well at least Graham was finally shoved into a squadron, the 8th Independent Tactical Aviation Squadron. Since the name is undeniably un-American because of its superfluous redundancies and long windedness, I shall simply refer to the unit as the Mighty 8th and hopefully like the all powerful 8th Air Force Aker and his men (and they all look like men with one token black guy) will do great things. Though I had hoped that since Aker is the Union’s Ace of Aces that the unit would simply be dubbed No. 56 Squadron to echo the epic dogfight between the Britain’s James McCudden, Richard Maybery, Keith Muspratt, Reginald Hoidge, Arthur Rhys Davids and Hammersley vs. Germany’s Werner Voss, though admittedly no meister or mecha pilot is ever going to be as good or better than Werner Voss. Still Graham does get some points for being on top of Dynames and I do mean on top…

Yeah because Sumeragi would do well to find a real man there than some sorry sop desperately trying to get laid. Daryl is free, I am sure once she goes black she’ll never go back.

Kudos to the Big Three for their use of attrition and artillery to pound the Gundams to bits. The battle should have been theirs it is only because Sunrise does not believe in concussion kills that CB is going to live. Though, I do motion to have the Sunrise writing team subjected to concussive forces strong enough to break ear drums if only to prove that a 155mm shell does not need to penetrate to kill an armored crewman.

Others that don’t matter

Tsuruya’s Fang! I actually agree with Louise for once. Oh look Pizza Hut…

Sorry sweetheart that still won’t make “the gay” go away.

Now if you have been keeping up with these posts you will know how utterly shocking this is going to sound, but…I have to say I like fag hag fruit fly Louise she is actually good for a good laugh for a change. MOAR keeping Setsuna away form Exia and near Saji and Louise! Saji even couldn’t even beat up Setsuna like his woman commands. Note that the sissy said he can’t rather than he wouldn’t…Setsuna might end up on top of some one after all. Oh and Kinue thinks that she can do something, damn I wish that Kinue dies so that Sheryl Norm can roam the earth with Macross Frontier.

Either Saji just came out or the sechs was that bad. Probably both.

Well next time there is going to be a loli-tsundere going off to war while shouting urusai and baka Yuji. Love of melonpan pending. Though, I would much rather see Masked the Money ride to war.

Heh particle release. Uruchai uruchai! Gundam no baka!