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At least I am not late for the wedding…

It’s been far too long since I last saw an episode, thankfully I have either forgotten how everything turned out or Gundam 00 has really done a number on my memory. I’ll spare every one a summary since I am horribly criminally late. At any rate I left off with Juliet wrapped around Tybalt’s loving embrace…

I find your lack of stabbiness disturbing…

Episode 9
Oh Conrad I had such faith in your judgment, yet how dearly misplaced it was. At least Juliet finally drew her first bit of blood on her war path. Sure she has reservations now, but in the end she must do what she must to save the people. Well hopefully this will be the last of her Bull’s Runs, but not the last of Juliet’s pony tail.

Really though if it sounds too good to be true it probably isn’t. Unless of course you are head of KGB or NSA, and that your intelligence chief doesn’t use terms such as slam dunk…

It was a delight to see Hermoine looking for her foe, though seeing Mercutio in his outfit turned my stomach. Romeo seems to be quite the loli-con. The Duke is indeed growing some top tier weed judging by the size of the leaves. No doubt the Duke killed the Capulets for some of that sticky icky. Well now that Juliet is in the good care of Tybalt I wonder what is going to become of them…

No I came here to prevent you from making the biggest mistake of your life. Go after Juliet you dolt!

Episode 10

By Jove Tybalt moves fast, he already took Juliet to a brothel! Well it wasn’t for you know what, but rather it was a smart move on his part to hide in a reeking decadent cesspool for the short term. Other than hiding with the lepers a brothel is a safe enough place to hide given how reluctant police are to enter them.

Romeo trying to convince the nobles to spare Juliet was laughable as they cowered in fear of Duke Weed. So Romeo pouts some more Mercutio acts like a typical ass, while Montague is furious that Juliet has not been found.

So Juliet pouts across town where some whore slaps Juliet for getting her dress muddy. Honestly there are other more unseemly stains on her dress, with cells that contain 23 chromosomes…

Eventually Juliet ends up in the hands of Portia, mother of Romeo. Portia cares for the poor girl and sends word to Romeo. Portia reveals the truth to Romeo about Duke Weed and his love for ganja and his adherence to Rastafarianism, though the Duke does not yet have dreadlocks.

The balcony scene was okay though hardly touching. I was never a fan the original work. Instead of surmounting walls why not blow them up or tear them down like Regan? Meh, I was really disappointed that Tybalt and Juliet spent more time apart than together…Here’s to Tybalt shanking Romeo.

That still does not make you Tybalt or level up your melee stats.

Episode 11

After their overly drawn balcony scene our two lovers Romeo and Juliet take off to parts unknown in some futile attempt to evade their problems. They happen a upon a forest where thy have a picnic with wild strawberries. A brown Pegasus shows up an Cielo gets his groove on. Romeo tells some bullshit story about having no friends and describes Cielo as his only pal, oh really who is tis Hermoine then?

Then out of the woodwork comes a ~~three-headed giant~~ three ruffians who are promptly sent packing by Juliet and Cielo, Romeo helped a bit, sort of. After this minor combat Romeo frees Cielo and tells him to look after his new mate. They later come upon an abandoned church where they wed. It was a simple ceremony with no witnesses though using Juliet’s hand made hanky as a veil was so sweet. Still good to know that Juliet’s warrior otome prowess has not completely dulled. Too bad she was never this nice to Tybalt.

In Great Soviet Union that potato is worth more than you!

Episode 12

So Romeo and Juliet elope and get married after ~~selling~~ seeing off Romeo’s chick magnet Cielo. While it was touching they come about to an abandoned village where they ~~loot~~ find some food and clothing. They happen upon the roots of some tree and Juliet gets a lot of ‘ead hurtiness so they promptly leave. While they dally about the Duke’s men approximate their last known trajectory and begin to burn down the village to flush Romeo out. Romeo gets struck by the backhand of courage and stupidity and sallies forth with Juliet in tow. Unlike Army of Two, these lovers fail miserably against the Duke’s cronies and are promptly captured. Juliet refuses to runaway and starts pining for Romeo while the head crony gets a hard on for finally getting a job done.

Romeo is an idiot for not getting enough agro to divert attention away from Juliet. If it had been Tybalt the battle would have ended very differently indeed…

No Romeo was always a fan of the Red Whirlwind, by the way what was your contribution to society again?

Episode 13

Juliet is brought before the Duke in chains and the Duke boldly announces that he will publicly execute her the next day. What is it with these villains waiting a day to kill of political enemies? If i were an evil overlord I’d do it as soon as possible, and keep the girl hunts going as a pretext to eliminate more enemies.

The nobles label her unjustly as some harlot that seduced Romeo. Hermione gets all emo and wants to speak to Juliet. Seems Hermoine is keen to see her rival personally. Hermione offers Juliet a few creature comforts, but our heroine flatly rejects them since she is no sheltered dolt like little miss rich. Thank goodness mein good oberleutnant Juliet knows how to handle being a POW. Mercutio is still trying desperately to get laid and has an epic fail in the process.

Francisco and Curio put in motion a rescue attempt while Cordelia cries at the situation. Thank goodness Juliet can cout on her two good Hauptmann to take the initiative. Violent execution was key and they passed with flying colors. Thought Tybalt is freaking absent Curio flatly tells Juliet that her death will deprive what hope is left and that she has an obligation to live. However, Curio relents on the point of still loving the douche that is Romeo. Curio my good hauptmann you are far too lenient. Mercutio tells Romeo of the escape attempt and Romeo blindly charges in response… Juliet is whisked away by the tree where the Duke finds to his chagrin that even plants are capable of kicking him the teeth. Romeo finds Juliet in her soaked hawt self and buys her enough time to make good her escape.

Well this hopefully marks the end of the lovey dovey stuff between Romeo and Juliet and some blood will be spilled soon. I hope fucking Iago wannabe Mercutio gets a most inglorious demise I want the lowly bastard to feel that he is dying. His mere appearance annoys me to no end he has that stupid hehehehe I am so evil face, but does next to nothing in his tight pants.

Mercutio and the Duke are such piss poor overlords. Overlord?! More like overrated. Why wait to publicly execute Juliet when he could have easily done it and put her head on pike? Such incompetence its a miracle that he could pull off a coup. Hermione however is getting more stabby by the day and I find this turn to be glorious Hermione fighto! Even if she is doomed to fail I hope Juliet skewers little miss rich girl. In fact I want noble blood to be spilled by the bucket load.

I want the peasants to kill ever last one of those blue blooded bastards. Rip them up the belly and use their innards to grease the wagon wheels of the proletariat!

Still I have some suspicion that Juliet and Romeo survive, at the very least Juliet since there is talk of bearing fruit which is a piss poor hint at some sort of consummation of their marriage. As for Romeo he is starting to get his head out of his ass and starts making good on his willingness to protect Juliet. However I can barely hide my joy at the fact that they are now separated. I hope this means more TybaltxJuliet and moar Juliet dishing out pain to the noble oppressors. At least Romeo is going to a labor camp!

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RomeoxJuliet 9-13: Kampfgruppen of Shame is late again