Katsura says you are guilty.

Hauptmann Katsura has finally earned her rank and redeemed herself, sadly Sekai after mauling Itou was killed in action after being outfought by Hauptmann Katsura. Like any posthumous slayer of evil, Sekai will be awarded with the Anime Medal of Freedom. She would have gotten an Anime Medal of Honor had she not slept with the enemy. Even if she is dead I hope she is most grateful. Ironically enough Hauptmann translates to “head man” a most fitting title for Hauptmann Katsura if I do say so myself. So here goes the Homeric poem of the slaying of Itou…

Itou was just a rookie doormat and he surely shook with fright
He checked off his tiny pecker and made sure his pants were tight;
He had to sit and listen to those awful bloggers roar,
“You ain’t gonna mate no more!”

Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain’t gonna mate no more!

“Is everybody happy?” cried Sekai slashing up,
Our coward feebly answered “Yes,” and then she stood him up;
He jumped onto the icy knife, his spinal nerves unhooked,
And he ain’t gonna mate no more.

Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain’t gonna mate no more!

He wailed long, he wailed loud, he waited for the shock,
He felt her wrath, he felt the steel, he felt the awful drop,
The silk from his panties spilled out and wrapped around his legs,
And he ain’t gonna mate no more.

Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain’t gonna mate no more!

The blade swung around his neck, fists cracked his dome,
Intestine lines were tied in knots around his skinny bones;
The crappy uniform became his shroud; he hurtled to the ground.
And he ain’t gonna mate no more.

Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain’t gonna mate no more!

The days he’d lived and loved and laughed kept running through his mind,
He thought about the girls back then, the ones he’d left behind;
He thought about the bloggers and he wondered what they’d find,
And he ain’t gonna mate no more.

Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain’t gonna mate no more!

The blogosphere was on the spot, the viewers were running wild,
The bloggers jumped and screamed with glee, rolled up their sleeves and smiled,
For it had been a decade or more since last a doormat died,
And he ain’t gonna mate no more.

Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain’t gonna mate no more!

He hit the ground, the sound was “Splat!,” his blood went spurting high,
His enemies then were heard to say: “A hell of a way to die!”
He lay there rolling round in the welter of his gore,
And he ain’t gonna mate no more.

Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain’t gonna mate no more!

(slowly, solemnly)

There was blood upon the knife, there were brains upon the boat,
Intestines were a’dangling from his stupid crappy suit,
He was a mess, they picked him up, and poured him from his boots,
And he ain’t gonna mate no more

Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
He ain’t gonna mate no more!

Really how has Itou changed for the better? Same old excuses, same old whiny attitude, same old Itou.

So scumbag Itou is still stuck in his old ways I care little for his petty talk and little action. Just because the son of a bitch voices some regret the way he acted towards Sekai was inexcusable. He blames Sekai for getting pregnant and blames her for destroying his little harem. He tried to string Sekai along, but when she did not bite he was most rude in breaking up. He claims he does not know what he is supposed to to…Well for one thing he could get a fucking job to pay for those child support payments. It is still his bastard child, and for him to claim that he has the right to tell Sekai to get an abortion was typically selfish. Itou has no rights over Sekai if she wants to have a baby then Itou is just going to have to pay up. The only entity that can even be allowed to stop the birth of Itou’s bastard child is the state if the state finds that the spawn of Itou is a threat to national security.

The fucking bastard can’t even make a coherent sentence. When pressed about his past he gets tongue tied. Itou cannot declare that he loved Katsura because he is still sitting on the fence just waiting for another harem to form. Foolish Itou pretty much abandons the pregnant Sekai as if a break up is going to hold water in court… Itou can’t even look Sekai in the face. Sekai did not seduce him, hell fucking no! Itou professed his love for her and mated with her constantly. He lusted for and got her. If anything Itou is the seductress he pressed himself onto Sekai, blackmailed Setsuna, romped around with Kato, had an orgy with the gang of four, and nailed Hikari on the rebound. Like a fucking apology is going to make it all go away. Itou suffers from the Jap denial bug after all as long as he does not think that he is evil then he must not be evil even if the whole world is aware of the crimes. Itou did not even make it a public apology. As for showing restraint his tongue was practically down Katsura’s throat…

So I take it that you don’t want to share Itou? Excellent just take this knife and…

As for the guilt of Sekai I find it difficult to place the blame squarely on her shoulders. The primary reason why things turned to shit was because Itou was an unprincipled mother fucker who mated with everything that he could put his pecker in. Had Itou been the paragon of virtue that they all falsely believed then he would not have succumbed to temptation. However succumb he did and he did so ever so easily and readily. Sekai should have dropped the nice girl facade and crushed the harem. Sekai has enough flair to kill Itou I would not care if traitor Setsuna, faithless Hikari, diseased gang, and easy Kato ended up on the wrong side of the knife. I care not for such hateful creatures, in fact it would justify this crap about sacrificing others for her ambition. In the end however the these gorgons escaped with their lives.

Thankfully Sekai killed Itou in a most glorious fashion. While some of us may be slightly disgusted at Itou’s death I reveled in it. Itou died the way he lived, lying down and like a bitch. Itou was not thanking the stars above that his child was still alive he was trying to strangle it in the womb or more likely he was thanking the devil that he was able to kill a baby before dying. It was not a murder it was a sacrifice to the powers of good. Itou did not change just because he recognized his ills does not mean that he redeemed himself or even started on the path to redemption. Nay, for he is just as selfish as he was before. It is still his happiness that matters to him the most. Itou had to die and I really did not care why Sekai killed the bastard. Sure her reasons were suspect, but hey if you were pregnant and abandoned you would probably feel betrayed and filled with murderous rage too. Still for walking into Katsdura’s trap Sekai was certifiably stupid. Sekai should have been catching the first flight to Peru where the Japanese don’t have any extradition agreements. Isn’t that right Alberto Fujimori?

Thus did Hauptmann Katsura, the most cunning otome of all, accept the surrender of Itou on a nice boat. She then skull fucked him, hard…with Itou’s dismembered pecker, twice. It was very nice…

Hauptmann Katsura has made me proud. Like any good kraut she showed the utmost professionalism in crushing Sekai and claiming Itou as a war prize. Her generous offer and forgiving of Sekai were masterfully done. Sekai being the tactically inept Jap that she is was overwhelmed by the sudden show of Katsura force and claws. Her playing of the Setsuna card was most worthy of praise and was a great strategic and tactical victory. She merely offered Sekai the option to abort the spawn of Itou, Itou was the one who tried to order Sekai…so Hauptmann Katsura is not at fault. In a single stroke Katsura played by the rules set forth by Sekai and masterfully turned the tables and achievied rapid dominance over her hated foe.

The trap Katsura set for Sekai was suitably deceptive and was a textbook example of how to conduct an ambush. The taking of Itou’s head was glorious and I do hope she puts it on a pike. Most importantly however was the field surgery that she performed, well okay it was an autopsy…However I fully agree that a lump of cells does not count as a body. Thus there was no “body” there. Taking Itou’s head out on a nice boat to skull fuck him earns Katsura’s place in the annals of anime history as one of the greatest winners in harem love. Had she placed hits on the rest of Itou’s harem and those who wronged her she would have been a queen amongst idiots.

Well played mein Hauptmann, your lines and your actions at the Battle of the Rooftop in Kat’s Korner were epic. Indeed as befits your heroic actions on the 27th day of September in the glorious 2007th year of our lady Haruhi-sama. I am putting you in for an Iron Cross First Class, the Distinguished Service Cross, the Victoria Cross, and a Hero of the Soviet Union.

May your legend live forever.

Epic.

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