Welcome to Airantou, where the women worship men, and coups are limited to one every 72 hours. Have a nice stay and may the next coup be bloodless.

Well since Shokkeru is busy digging up diamonds in the rough and at the time of this writing Impz is smoking and joking working on something special for his prospective mating partner girlfriend; I must bring your attention to the poor state of a far flung third world community. Criticisms are most welcome in the interest of journalistic integrity.

BBC News

Somewhere in the Pacific a once isolated community is in turmoil after the sudden arrival of a modern spineless sack of shit doormat.

The day in pictures: 1) Rin’s gazongas are not OSHA certified and are a liability at her job. 2) Out of the way peck! 3) Archive photo of the founding of Airantou after the great burning of the natives

I speak of course of the island of Airantou a land where GPS has long since forgotten and the landscape was shaped by StarCraft’s campaign editor. It is a land that boasts a population that until recently was completely female. How this community has survived is a mystery to every scientist in the world.

While one would have expected this population to have died out, such is not that case. In fact the community thrives and lolis abound despite the older females not having seen a male since a time before memory. The 130 year old sack of dust matriarch withstanding, none of the inhabitants can even recall having a father. The Admiralty has long suspected that there is a secret cloning facility or egg fusion process that enabled the population to continue despite the passage of time despite the lack of verifiable proof.

Scientists have dismissed the very notion of mass memory loss as nothing more than a myth. They claim that it has already been proven that the human female has a well developed advanced memory core that can survive anything. They are quick to anger and slow to forget, and even slower to forgive. In fact there is evidence that they have descended from Durin rather than Ulfang the Black.

The Japanese Coast Guard lost sight of Ikuto at 10:45 pm GMT. After a five minute search the mission was called off. The JCG then decided to make up for the bad news day by waving the Japanese Flag over a disputed island.

The Ariantou community traces its descent from the survivors of the ill fated ship the Airantou. Due to the unique geography of having a single isolated island rather than the expected chain has not gained the attentions of the dreaded American Tourist.

It is theorized that the original inhabitants have been exterminated shortly after the coming of the Airantou survivors, since there is not a single denizen with any tan or dark complexion. In fact the residents are as white skinned as any hikkomori. It is surprising to note how the community has reacted to the arrival of a male doormat, Ikuto.

After some how ending up overboard from a ship captained and crewed by a bunch of malcontents, who did not even try to call for help, the Japanese national, Ikuto was left for dead in shark absent waters. A local named Suzu later fished out and claimed Ikuto as per her fishing rights in the region. Her claim was recognized by the ancient matriarch and Suzu was soon embroiled in ownership disputes over the doormat.

Suzu is a poor child who lost her parents and lives in a roach and lice infested shack that for some reason has an indoor unisex hot spring. Upon closer inspection of Suzu’s hovel it is probable that Airantouians once had a thriving cargo cult due to significant numbers of seemingly manufactured goods without having undergone an industrial age. Sadly faith in John Frum has been in decline for sometime now.

The lot of this outsider Ikuto is a rather complex issue on the one hand he has the opportunity to sire many offspring and “save” the locals from a long slow extinction. On the other hand he is not the ideal genetic progenitor since his excessive bleeding is genetic and could cause more problems for future generations.

Ikuto would you like some whale meat. I can get some from my aptly named whale I kidnapped. It tastes just like bottlenose dolphin. Ikuto then died… Obviously Haruhi-sama likes her intelligent endangered sea creatures.

Furthermore the inhabitants have developed immunity to every known tropical disease and since Ikuto is of inferior typical Japanese doormat loser stock he stands to reintroduce vulnerabilities to such wondrous diseases such as malaria and dysentery. Despite such consequences the female inhabitants have thrown themselves at Ikuto’s feet with reckless abandon. Fortunately the Airantouians are nothing like the Ancient Greeks and have refrained from waging war amongst themselves over something as silly as a person.

While treacherous waters surrounded their island home only a single inhabitant tried to warn Ikuto of the peril. Since Ikuto was trying his best to be a manly man he heeded not the words of a woman during his cravenly flight from the strong estrogen front. After numerous attempts along the same path the outsider conceded defeat and was rescued by a lone killer whale that was forcibly separated from her pod, by Suzu.

However despite the serene calm of the island news of Ikuto’s permanent residency has traveled quickly. Already there are rumors of coup plots dominating the local gossip channels. Soon Airantou may burn with the fires of jealousy.

This is Crusader for BBC News.

For only five cents a day you can give poor Suzu food, fresh water, and a nice place to live. She deserves better than living in a hovel with a doormat for the rest of her life. So if you have five cents and a lot of love please call this number. You may wait for tomorrow, but for Suzu there is not tomorrow. The Number is 1-800-death-to-doormats. The call is free and operators are standing by.

Impression: Well harem fans rejoice your long fast has ended. I never read the manga and in all honesty don’t plan to. Airantou seems like a generic harem series in the Love Hina tradition and thus far seems to have little to offer. The comedy was mildly funny, but nothing had me on the floor gaging. Thus far the only thing that has caught my interest is the possible moments of yuri with a covert fan of the carpentry girl in the end sequence. I really hate how they named that sea world reject of a killer whale Sashimi. It is not cute in the least, and I curse them for promoting their damnable pro-whaling agenda. This E-4 is also a tree hugging and whale loving person that has access to more fire power than he should. I am not a fan of excessively fan-servicey shows like this one. I have been dragged to Hooters too many times to be over awed by this sort of stuff. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth…then again it could be just the wings.

Browse Timeline

• « I.D. Analysis - Shining Tears X Wind & Kaze no Shoujo Emily
• » This is my new Lolipod Skin: Feito-chan Kyaaa~

Comments (10)

Add a Comment