Dopey loli or mature womanly meido? The debate continues…for the dumb, the ignorant, or the hedonists with divided fetishes.
I will make you an offer you cannot refuse.
Oh really? What can you possible offer this Bolshevik to make him betray the revolution?
12 yen!
Sold! What is thy bidding my master…?
Well met otakus of olde, and the Haruhi-sama faithful. I am trying to give a bit of reprieve between editorials so that hopefully Impz’s demands can be sated so I can give it good polish, and to vary my posts. In the mean time I am going to try my hand at doing something less serious if there is such a thing on this blog. It’ll be my first time, but unlike many a spineless female anime lead I don’t want you to be gentle. I want criticism. Make it harsh, make it constructive, and if you laugh great. If not I want to hear why since I need to bring my writing up to snuff. So today I plan on blogging about Hayate no Gotoku. Since I am very late and no doubt it has been better presented elsewhere, hopefully there is still fun to be had. Any ways ‘ere we go…
Greetings, Comrades,
Welcome to KGB, and while great Soviet Union has collapsed under the weight of Brezhnev’s 114 medals there are still those of us who remain faithful to Grandpa Lenin. Though our numbers are few and many comrades have died on way here, our infiltration of Capitalist Japan was a resounding success. In fact only 19 of assigned 23 perished somewhere in Hokkaido, but as they say if one Soviet is a drunk, and two make a fight, then three make up party cell. Long live the great proletarian revolution!
So you want to be my Rei replacement. Very well give me something to prove your Rei-ness.
Me love you long time. Ten yen. Me so quite. Me love you too much…Okay five yen.
The only unaccounted operative is one code named Hayate. Sadly this traitor has been revealed to have bourgeois lineage and his parents have wasted many yen on capitalist ventures. Despite his awesome strength and ability to kill capitalist robots traitor Hayate must not be killed until the end of season. I am assured that Hero of Soviet Union, Maria, has taken up his case. The honor of knocking out nine of his teeth is hers alone.
Traitor Hayate’s treachery stems from his illegal faith in the God of Capitalists and exploiter of elves, Santa Clause. It seems that the suka had failed to give due reverence to Lenin and a tip of his hat to Haruhi-sama and threw in his lot with Santa. Under the delusion of capitalist drugs he had a vision where he met the capitalist god. He claimed that he was promised capital goods in exchange for working hard. Thankfully our all powerful party leader is still with us and Grandpa Lenin had ensured that his attempts at integrating with a capitalist society have thus far ended in failure.
Observe the rewards of the capitalism; pollution, pederasty, and most unfortunately no blankets for the children. Heed not their lies comrade.
Until recently suka Hayate had been trying to become a capitalist by working at many menial tasks rather than organizing the proletariat. Eventually his bourgeois kulaks left the bastard for dead to the tsarist criminals. While fleeing for his life in spite of order no. 227 he was observed stalking a child. This child should not be pitied for she is Nagi heir of a great capitalist family whose wealth is build upon the backs of our Japanese proletarian brothers. Sadly the traitor did not redeem himself by taking enemy of Soviet Union hostage, but seems to have professed his love there by surrendering in basest way possible contrary to order no. 270.
Because Hayate had turned traitor his skills at holding on to hostages had diminished and the tsarists tried to rob us yet again by stealing away our capitalist enemy. Fortunately comrade Meido Maria, who has infiltrated the household of this Nagi was able to manipulate him to secure our hostage. To be sure the suka has demonstrated his unique ability to with stand automobile impacts and has now been rebuilt by the thrice damned capitalists. Nevertheless we must be wary comrades while Meido Maria can have any sane man swooning for her, Hayate has been known to like them young. Apparently the traitor believes that child birth at age 12 is a good idea to relieve the proletarian curse upon this capitalist land of low birth rate. This collaboration between a capitalist enemy and the traitor cannot be ignored we shall continue to observe them in support of Meido Maria.
Observe how this accursed capitalist exploits advocates of compensated dating with her loli charms. Like any good capitalist she also fails to deliver the goods…
Long live the proletariat! Death to loli-captilaists!
Impressions: Well it was a rather jolting start. It had its funny moments, but Hayate ending up with the loli Nagi may as well be written in the stars. I cannot believe that Hayate was so insistent on getting gifts from Santa Clause. Honestly after so many years of disappointment I am surprised that he did not convert to Judaism to get his Hanukkah on. Heck given his busy schedule he could get a few paid Jewish holidays to boot (if not I am sure the ACLU will have something to say). He could even make up holidays and the gentiles would not even suspect a thing. Oh well hopefully it won’t turn out to be a complete disaster. Hopefully next time I will be on time with this thing. Again criticisms are encouraged. Apologies to the Jews and Russians if they feel in anyway slighted.
Predictions: Next time on Hayate no Gotuku three lesser thugs come to stir up some trouble only to be weirded out by Loli-con Hayate. He is surrounded by more meido yet he remains true to Lousie Shana Nagi.
Mini Rant: I can’t believe I have spent over four five five and a half hours just getting the spacing right. Hopefully the next run won’t be such a suka and I won’t be such a knuckle dragging idiot. Being in a time zone that differs by 12 hours really sucks. Impz needs to move to a different time zone unless I some how make it to that billet in Tokyo… wordpress makes me feel stupid.
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11 Comments
Hah, it’s all right to be rusty the first time because there are some things that you are unclear about. Honestly, I found Hayate’s manga to be a tad boring and the anime does not seem to be that well received too. I do like your quirky sense of humor. Rock on, mate!
Believe it or not…one thing I want to see is Hayate get dressed up as a girl…
No kidding, he’s darn cute when got dressed up…
@ [Blademaster] : Oh shi-… Oh well, you should get your wish pretty soon. Trap Hayate is in volume 1 of the manga so…
“I want criticism. Make it harsh, make it constructive, and if you laugh great.”
Ok then, I’ll give my two cents worth.
Your writing is definitely fluid, and your sense of humour definitely shines through. The problem, I think, is your choice of allegory. Communism vs. Capitalism, definitely a cool allegory, and many a smiles I have, but it is hard to get into, especially for me who has no more than a vague understanding of the subject. Couple that with big words and labels (what is Bolshevik, for example?), it’s a lot harder to read through than the usual posts here. Blog readers, IMO, want to read through blogs once and rarely go for re-reads, so simple sentence and plotting structure is not necessarily bad.
You are definitely a good writer, and this is definitely tongue-in-cheek humour. I would suggest choosing a more popular/pop allegory, something that people will recognize and identity with immediately. Anything will do, from Britney Spears to Dragon Ball references to whatever crosses your mind, as long as it is contemporary and/or common knowledge. Write for the masses.
I hope this doesn’t offend you, and I have to say again that I really did enjoy this entry (although I had to read it twice to get the gist). And I hope this helps.
Heh, I still can’t get the spacing in my posts right.
I actually had a whole speech to counter a few of your salient points, but… … …
I’ll scrap that, and welcome you.
…So, are you continuing this in the same vein? It’ll rock.
You seem to think that Nagi and Hayate will end up together, thats actually one of the base gags and misunderstanding source in the manga. Nagi only thinks Hayate likes her “like that” and Hayate is “just” very gratefull for Nagis help. The likely Pairing (if that actually happends) would be Maria-Hayate.
How much you can enjoy Hayate imho depends heavily how many references you get since its full of them.
@rdrake: So at best, he should be dressed up by Nagi and Maria in 1-2 episodes right?
Didn’t get to watch it at first, but start to think will watch it now…
And come fast…trap Hayate!
>hedonists with divided fetishes
heh, I have only one fetish actually. It’s called goth-loli-meido-siscon. XD
And I have also just one word for you…
Welcome-to-anime-blogging.
Ha ha ha! “Hayate’s” good so far. (It was on my list after all.) Can’t wait for the next episode.
Thanks guys I might stick with this a bit more. I hope the posts after Airantou are bit better. Also don’t be afraid to dish out the pain taking crap was part of my job description.
@ Stripey
My apologies, I meant hyphenated fetishes.